Facebook and Dating: Where’s The Mystery?

"OMG his favorite movie is Forrest Gump!? ME TOO!"

So with the dawn of technology, we are given a whole new arsenal of tools to aid us in the battlefield that is modern dating.  We have texting, phones that make us available anywhere, Twitter, and most useful (yet at the same time lethal): Facebook.

Facebook is a fantastic thing.  It allows us to post our favorite things, chronicle our social lives, and waste a whole lot of time. We can connect with people who we wouldn’t otherwise still be in touch with (or at least, that’s our parents’ new excuse) and we can learn about people that we don’t know very well.

But this is also where Facebook turns against us.

While we enjoy getting “to know” others (read: potential boyfriends) via their Facebook profiles, they are doing the same with us, judging us based on our photos, our applications and what other people are writing on our Wall. They are able to glean more information from 5 minutes online than most people would get after 5 days of actually knowing us. Information that may or may not be a good representation of who we really are.

A funny storyline of a sitcom used to be when blind dates would bring background checks of their suitors to the date.  Those people would be labeled insane, and that would be the joke. Ha!  But now that joke is a very serious reality. In the days of Twitter, Facebook and Google, who doesn’t attempt to get as much information as possible up front? And who doesn’t make judgement calls on a person based on what they found in their Google thread?

The problem is, if someone was to judge me based on what they found on my Facebook profile, they’d think I was a drunk with weird friends and a love for really cliche quotes. And that’s not really who I am. Or at least there’s a lot more to me than just all that.

But most people don’t think about any of that. A quick poll among my friends brought the results that they believe that Facebook is a good thing for budding relationships.  “You can find out what your guy likes and dislikes, who his friends are and what people think about him,” they said. While that’s all well and good – assuming their profile has been updated recently and you can tell whether or not listing BSB as a favorite band was a joke or a very sad reality – maybe knowing all of that so early isn’t such a great thing. One of the most exciting parts of a relationship is the “getting to know you” stage; what happens when you’ve already gotten to know that person before you even have your first date? What do you have to look forward to?

And even more, what if all that getting to know him prevents a first date?

There are just some things best left to real, face-to-face human interaction and the dating is most definitely one of them.



    1. Sabrina says:

      I think it's not that bad having Facebook, I found this guy from my college quite cute but after some *ahem* research; it turns out he's extremely arrogant and a complete player. Something I don't think I could of actually asked him about…

    2. If you don't think your profile projects an image you'd want a potential boyfriend to see, imagine what a potential employer would think. In my opinion, it's best to keep your facebook bland and private and make someone work to get to know you.

    3. Jenny says:

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    4. Sammie says:

      …am i seriously the last one left in the entire world without a facebook?

    5. Nicole says:

      hahaha probably, well you and my 70 year old grandmother.

    6. michael says:

      I do not care for the facebooking. I put some things on there, but heck I dont even tell my best friend everything about me. If you tell everything for everyone to read on a site like Facebook you really need to get some friends or other hobbies in your life. Just as in the old days 3 or 4 years ago some things should be left for people to find out on their own. It is fun to discover things about your partners not everyone knows. Try dating websites, talking privately in chats, on the phone, even texting is better than talking through a website where everyone can see. What happened to intimacy? Try another more intimate website PhotoWoo

    7. Al says:

      Sammie, I just deactivated my fb and consequently upped my productivity 75%! Yay for me.

      I agree with the article, as boys get lazier when it comes to seeking out actual relationships fb is just a catalyst.

    8. Samantha says:

      My 70 year old grandmother has a facebook…

    9. loveskeptic says:

      I think facebook is especially useful when you are online dating. I'v been on quite a few blind dates from plenty of fish and I would have never pursued those men unless I saw their facebook profile. It is the best way to see a person's credibilty and it also helps you prepare for the date by having a few questions beforehand ready to jumpstart the conversation.

    10. lovechildlains says:

      Haha, I totally deleted my facebook a couple month ago simply for this type of reason. My facebook was on lock and while it did adequately represent me, I think it represented the me that people need to work to get to know.

      I am however guilty of undeleting my facebook for minutes to go check out a guy I'm being set up with.

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    13. says:

      remember that facebook has almost every single person in there – and a lot of people now use it, not only to research a potential boyfriend/ girlfriend, but also to actually GET a partner. It has the potential to undermine the whole online dating industry, IMO.

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    18. Zoznamka pre dospelých says:

      máj Aj proste len povedať, čo úľava nájsť niekoho, kto rozumie čo sú hovorí o nad internet. Ste vlastne vedieť, ako sa priniesť problém na svetlo a robiť to dôležité. ďalšie a ďalšie ľudia naozaj potrebujete Pozrite sa na to a pochopiť vášho príbehu. bol som prekvapený, že nieste vzhľadom k tomu, že ste určite majú dar.

    19. Kelsey Shea says:

      Intriguing subject! I wrote a blog post on this topic for a new social media site called Sgrouples. Feel free to comment!

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