Do You Miss Him or The Relationship?

collegethriving says:
Sat, 13th Feb 20108:06 am 

This was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you, well put

Liza says:
Sat, 13th Feb 20109:57 am 

I totally agree. I recently ended a relationship and was thinking about the guy alot and even thought maybe I should try to get him back.Then I got to talking with some girlfriends and the thing is, I don't miss him, I missed the relationship aspect. Well, now I'm seeing someone new. Someone who I like. Never settle just to be with someone. Find someone you like and it'll be so much better. Good article with vday right around the corner.

uncertainty says:
Sat, 13th Feb 201011:18 am 

I agree this was written at the write time for me, and as much as i would like to say it's him that i miss, it's not.

Casey says:
Sat, 13th Feb 201011:41 am 

Great post! This is definitely something that a lot of girls (and some guys I know) need to hear.

Jacki says:
Sat, 13th Feb 201011:49 am 

man.. my boyfriend broke up with me last night..and wow, this couldn't have been posted at a better time. thank you.

ksst says:
Sat, 13th Feb 201012:20 pm 

This is a great post. It's often too difficult to differentiate between the relationship and the boy.
http://thevspotblog.wordpress.com/

Ashley says:
Sat, 13th Feb 201011:33 pm 

This article is soooo true. After a breakup with a bf of 3 years I had such a hard time feeling comfortable in my own skin…..and sadly I went back to him a few times before I realized that all I was doing is holding myself back from being happy. Feeling uncomfortable and putting yourself out there as a single girl is WORTH IT….you will grow as a person and be able to have a healthy and happy relationship whenever the time comes but in the meantime ENJOY IT!

Leena says:
Mon, 15th Feb 20101:55 am 

Amazing…

Diana says:
Mon, 15th Feb 20104:05 am 

Needed to hear this. Thank you.

ajeanw says:
Mon, 15th Feb 20105:08 am 

This totally applied to me for my break up about a year and a half ago. I kept wishing for him, even though the whole time I was with him I was wishing for NOT him lol. And recently I'm going through another break up (we dated for 9 months) and immediately I told myself I wasn't going to let what happened before take over again. So I started writing down everything I disliked about this one and why we broke up and then I wrote out what it would be like if I went back to him. It provides a very convincing argument for how much better off we are without bad relationships! Better alone than in bad company…

Ness says:
Tue, 16th Feb 20106:43 am 

Very true! Love this!

teej03 says:
Thu, 18th Feb 201010:00 pm 

This issue is very true, sometimes I wish I could take a step back in life to have a do-over. It is what it is. Love this post!

Christine says:
Sun, 21st Feb 201011:37 am 

Agreed! I'm on the brink of a breakup and all I really need is a push in the right (single) direction. Do I love my boyfriend? Yes, unfortunately. Do I deserve someone who actually respects me? Ohhh yeah. It's time to stop settling for less than what I deserve just for the sake of having a past with someone. Thank you for reminding me that I'm worth more than the crappy relationship I'm stuck in.

Allie says:
Sun, 28th Feb 201011:52 pm 

This is a really good point and one I'm struggling with. My ex and I took a break about a month ago and during the break I kissed someone else. We got back together and I didn't tell him about it. We got into a huge fight last night and he asked me if I had cheated. I asked him why he would ask me that and he told me I wasn't answering the question. I admitted my fault and he walked out. What I did was wrong and I regret it. Right now, only one night later though, everything I see and hear reminds me of him and all I want to do is apologize and get him back. Obviously the relationship had its bad parts or there wouldn't have been a break in the first place. I think I am just struggling with the fact that I have been with this person almost every day for two years and now I have hurt him so badly he thinks that I am the "worst person he has ever been with." I want him back to make things okay but I know what I want is forgiveness and the comfort of that long-term relationship. I just cannot get it through my brain.

Kiki says:
Thu, 4th Mar 201010:54 am 

Thank you so much this is so true. Well i have been seing someone for 6 months and if i may be honest i thought i wanted to be with him 4eva, but i did all the work, the calling the organising dates i guess i just got tired and told him never to contact me again. I knew i had made the right decision at the time but i missed him and called him and now he says he dosent want to make things work with me. Its been a month but i still think abt him how i may have done things differently bt afta reading this i realise i miss the IDEA of him and our friendship and not him. thank you xx

thehatingexpert says:
Thu, 4th Mar 20107:59 pm 

This was such an enlightening post to read, and it really helped to put things in perspective!

http://thehatingexpert.wordpress.com/

sara says:
Tue, 9th Mar 20104:38 pm 

This post was exactly what I needed to hear.

Thankful says:
Fri, 30th Apr 20105:42 am 

Thank you so much! I woke up this morning missing my ex like crazy!! and i just cudn't wrap my brain around a gd reason why i should. I know i deserve better. After reading this i made the decision to let him go. He has moved on and so should i. Thank you again!!

Ari-Chan says:
Fri, 30th Apr 20109:09 am 

When my ex broke up with me last year, i was so confused. I thought that i got over it after sometime, but something kept tugging at my heart when i thought of him. After reading this post, I realize that, what i am missing all the time is not him, but the times we spent together, that is, being in a relationship. Like being kissed by my ex, sleeping in each others' arms, taking walks, talking about our interests, those sweet times spent together. Being in a relationship is a drug, it takes time to wear off.

Girls out there who are dumped by their ex'es, don't be sad anymore. I can understand too. We know we deserved better, no point crying over someone who don't know how to treasure our worth. Let's move on for the better =)

Lynx says:
Tue, 4th May 20105:42 am 

I have tried to change over and over and over . I Just can't get this man out of my blood . But You are right it does help to change and you feel much better

Hira says:
Sun, 30th May 20108:12 am 

this is so wrong then?

i feel, and i guess what most of us feel when left alone is that , nobody knows the extent of our pain. hearing that it will get better for me was an isult for what i am feeling now and what i have felt always. i loved him and i am sure of that. i try talking to other guys but i miss him. i miss the slightest things about him. we never realy had many good times because of the distance between us but seeing him on cam, hearing his voice, or meeting him, it was the best part and those were the best days of life. i sacrifized everything for him and put him first. but it didn't work. he sought my attention before and it just changed all of a sudden. he avoided me yet he told me that he loved me. then sometimes he said that this relationship was a bad patch and later when i talked about it, he went furious that disregard that i wasn't in my senses. it was like that always

well..the break up wasn't pronounced but i guess its pretty much what he means.. i know if i have to spare my dignity i should take this last step but i will wait for him…i will wait for him to give the verdict. i love him and i miss him. i love him more than i knew

Heera khan says:
Sun, 30th May 20108:14 am 

this is so wrong then?

i feel, and i guess what most of us feel when left alone is that , nobody knows the extent of our pain. hearing that it will get better for me was an isult for what i am feeling now and what i have felt always. i loved him and i am sure of that. i try talking to other guys but i miss him. i miss the slightest things about him. we never realy had many good times because of the distance between us but seeing him on cam, hearing his voice, or meeting him, it was the best part and those were the best days of life. i sacrifized everything for him and put him first. but it didn't work. he sought my attention before and it just changed all of a sudden. he avoided me yet he told me that he loved me. then sometimes he said that this relationship was a bad patch and later when i talked about it, he went furious that disregard that i wasn't in my senses. it was like that always

well..the break up wasn't pronounced but i guess its pretty much what he means.. i know if i have to spare my dignity i should take this last step but i will wait for him…i will wait for him to give the verdict. i love him and i miss him. i love him more than i knew… i miss u

chelss says:
Wed, 28th Jul 201011:52 pm 

thankyou i need this so much! ive been stressig without him for a long time and he's already moved on. hopefully now i can be a happy single girl haha

J says:
Sun, 15th Aug 201012:31 pm 

When this article was first posted in February, I bookmarked it because it was exactly what I needed to hear. My boyfriend and I had just broken up a week or two before this, and although it wasn't a serious relationship, a break up with anyone you once truly cared about always sucks. I did what @ajeanw suggested and wrote all the things I disliked about him as a constant reminder that I deserved better. It took a few drunken hookups, "accidentally" texting him, a lot of awkward bump-ins, and some time to truly get over him. I realized with this list that I didn't really miss him, but more of the convenience of always having someone to hang with or take care of you. When I really looked with a critical eye, we probably made the worst couple. I totally forgot this article until I found that note with all the list of things I disliked about him. I read through each complaint and realized that my boyfriend now is the complete opposite. It's amazing how you don't know what's truly good until you're reminded of how awful it was in the past. You shouldn't settle for less and being single for a few months is a good way to actually realize what you want and it feels good to know that the guy I'm with now is exactly what I was looking for based on this list I made before even meeting him. I knew what I wanted, and I found him.

And eventually I know, like most college relationships, an end is in the near future. When that day comes, I know it'll inevitably suck, but I'll learn what things I like/dislike and write them down and maybe re-read it to see how far I've come in the future. And when all else fails, I still have this article bookmarked, ready to move on

Alllie says:
Sun, 31st Oct 20109:43 pm 

This post was exactly what I wanted to hear. I am a freshman now and I was in this (used-to-be) amazing relationship that ended only a month ago. We started dating in my senior year of high school and he helped me through so much. The first six months were amazing, but then he just stopped trying as much. I dismissed all of it, but after a few weeks into college, it was clear we were having some difference issues. But, he had always been my rock of support. When he told me we were done, I thought I was done for. I didn't feel like I could ever feel that spark I had felt with him, even though it had faded for him. I felt used, small, and worthless. But, my friends helped me through it.

Right now, I know I am going through that time when all I want is him to be there to hold me through the night, but I am done being held back. I am DONE making sure he is happy with me, and I am ready to start making ME happy. And, I can't wait to find someone who will go on walks with me, play a quick game with me, and actually take interest in everything that I am.

This post has finally finalized that I will be fine. I will find someone and, even though I am hurting, I will survive college and find someone to hold me at night. Thank you for this post. I needed these words.

Lora says:
Fri, 21st Jan 20116:24 pm 

I know this is an old article, but I just want to say this is EXACTLY what I needed to hear and it really helped me alot.
My ex broke up with me a few months ago after a 2 year relationship. We were together for my senior year of highschool and first year of University. We go to the same university, so last year especially we were so close. I basically lived at his house.. we would go out together, walk to classes together, basically did everything together.
I loved him so much and was ridiculously comfortable with him… yet the last few months of our relationship I knew I was losing him, as much as I didn't wanna admit it. He stopped trying, he wasn't as present, and because of it I was constantly crying and unhappy. But I still refused to admit to myself that we were drifting because I literally thought I couldn't go on without him. When he broke up with me he said he was "lost" and didn't like how dependent we'd become on eachother.

It's been so hard. I miss him like crazy, but I'm starting to realize I don't miss him as much as the idea of him. That's why this artlce made me to happy. I miss having someone to call my boyfriend, i miss staying in and watching movies (especially because I'm not a club girl), cuddling, and talking. I miss being a couple and being known as a couple. Being single is hard and I hate it, quite frankly.
It kills me that it's been over 3 months since we broke up and I still wake up missing him, and still want to call him every night. Even though I KNOW he's over me and moved on. He makes that quite clear yet I sitll want to hold on hope.

Thank you for writing this article… it really put things in perspective for me and helped me realize something I've kind of known all along. I don't miss him, I miss the concept of him.

adiiii says:
Thu, 10th Mar 20118:06 pm 

huh don´t what to think anymore
a guy that´ve liked for 2 years know he has lost me and now i think that he wants me back but im not sure.
The reason that im sure off that is because he´s making a song and what he rap in it just reminding me of myself.

englishgal says:
Tue, 29th Mar 20117:44 am 

I was with my boyfriend for 2years. It was my first proper relationship and i fell head over heels for him. I still love him but i don't think I'm in love with him. He was the best and worst thing that ever happened to me. We're now split for 3weeks and I feel more lost than ever, but i feel stronger for having done the breaking up-although i know he wanted it too. It's so easy to just remember the good times, nobody could ever imagine how amazing he could make me feel. But he also made me feel like the most worthless person on earth sometimes. I did all the running, and most of the loving too. I think he just needs to be 'one of the boys' right now, college brought around a massive change in his life more so than mine. I guess guys just need longer to mature eh? I keep getting the urge to call him and try and make him fall in love with me like he did before. But I know he isn't in love with me, how could someone make someone feel so bad if they loved them? And i keep imagining myself with someone who would never be able to make me cry. He made me cry almost every day, I deserve better. And there has to be,there is, better out there. For the moment I'm going to wrap myself up in my amazing friends and I will at last let fate do the work for me. You can't force anyone to love you. Have faith in fate.. and SMILE! It's the best medicine for a broken heart

noclue says:
Thu, 14th Apr 20119:31 am 

well i miss him but im not in love with him so he deserves something better and so do i ……I DO LOVE HIM THOUGH i adore his cute face the way he talks when he gets excited about something the way he laughs , love the way he gets crazy when i tickle him , love his arms and hands and his cuddly warm hug … love his man tits as well:) …..soooooooo……. whats the conclusion ?do i stay and try even if im not so excited i dont really understand why we dont fall in love with the guys that really care and are exceptional and caring and just simply absolutely amazing ?????? mazochists all year round !!!!

Coolgal says:
Sun, 24th Apr 20115:56 pm 

My story is quite different…i was so much in love with this guy i broke up with..he was in my high school n one year senior to me.he fall in love wid me n so do i..aftr the high school he went in diffrent country n we eventualy were in a long distance relationship..2 yrs i waited for him,he would hardly cal me,just once o twice a month.he came back n we were together..we spent so much tym together..n was known as a couple all over..he loved me no dought..bt frm the past one week i felt he got too busy in his work.i cald hm bt he dint pikd doz cals..dn i stopped caling too..he texted me aftr two days askn where i was which i dint replied dat tym.i cald hm next day n asked hw was he..he said he wz sick frm sm days n ol n askd me whr i went today n ol..i hardly takled to hm fo less dn 3 mins..n told hm to take care..he said me he ll cal me bak at night which he dint do..next day also i waited so i cald hm myself to know hw he was nw bt he din answered as he was wid hs dad..next day i texted hm tellin i nyd breakup..which he din lyk n started giving justifications..bt i wantd to end at dat tym aftr dat he took 2 days to break up wid me..n dn i went to drink wid my frnds..i wz so drunk n i missed hm so much.i jez cald hm bt he din pikd n dn texted hm dat hw much i love hm n cnt live w/o hm..he din texted me bak nor evn cald.next day hs frnd told me dat he has gone out of town fo sm work wid hs family..he dint even cald me o texted me to atleast knw hw i am aftr i had drunk so much n even knws dat i ws crying..itz 3 days nw..m so depressed.i din cald hm either..i jez miss hm.wt shud i do?plz help:-(

rah says:
Thu, 28th Apr 20113:17 am 

sorry chica, your post has lust written all over it. Everything you just described was physical. no personality, no emotional chemistry… you're not in love. either let yourself fall in love with this guy or move on!

Alison says:
Fri, 13th May 20113:52 pm 

I think this is true sometimes.

I feel lime most articles that address heartbreak make the assumption that the guy didnt deserve you or that the relationship was bad. In my case it couldn’t be farther from the truth. There are so many great guys out there and sometimes things just don’t work out. People want different things and sometimes relocation is a factor. In my case, i had an amazing guy and everything just worked. The relationship was effortless. But then he moved. It’s so much harder to deal with when I can’t even convince myself that he was a jerk. He wasn’t a jerk at all and he treated me wonderfully. However, he is gone now and I miss him like crazy. . I almost wish now that he were a Jerk because it would make it easier to get over him.

rocsana says:
Thu, 2nd Jun 20114:56 pm 

my situtation is complicated i was with me ex for 4 years going on five. I fell deep in lov ewith him.We had a story to tell but it was mostly bad but the good times was the best. He cheated multiple times lied and made me cry. There would be times when hell treat me like a queen but all the crying hurt.We have a baby together. I this year i decided to give up cuz i couldnt take it no more. Its hard because the last six months he was trying and i broke my heart because i still believe he changed but i dont know for sure .i think what would had happened if i stayed. I am with some one right now he treats me good he does anything to make me happy its basically the opposite from my ex but y am i still thinking bout my ex if it was cheating and lieing. After all he has his girl now and i have my guy but i dont understand why he would cheat. He was one of those guys that cheated but he wouldnt trade you. He was in love with me and he says he still is. I dont know what to believe it hurts but im taking it day by day. He is gonna be apart of my life for a long time:(.i just hoping i made the right choice i can one day leave my past alone…

Laura says:
Sat, 11th Jun 201110:46 pm 

Great article..

Ashley says:
Fri, 22nd Jul 201111:40 pm 

I like to think that this article helped me, and truth be told if this was a few weeks down the road Im almost positive It will. My boyfriend ended our 4 year relationship a couple weeks ago and while we both felt that we had drifted apart I wasnt quite ready yet to let go. I have my good days and my bad days but what doesnt kill us makes us stronger right? I havnt figured out yet if it's him I miss or the relationship so in the meantime Im taking a positive outlook on life, I dont want to think of the bad things because our relationship was not built or that, it was built on trust and love. Instead, im going to take that painting class I've been thinking of, Im going to apply for that job I wasnt sure I wanted to apply for, Im going to learn to 2-step, and yes, Im going to flirt with that cutie in my class…whats stopping me now????

Lonely in PA says:
Tue, 9th Aug 20111:09 am 

I'm 30 and this article helped me a lot. I just broke up with my boyfriend of 4 months and it has only been 4 days since I broke it off with him. I feel lonely and I miss his good morning texts and all that stuff. This article helped me to realize that I don't actually miss my ex at all…the truth is, I miss the idea of a relationship and having a boyfriend–but not my ex.

nottagain says:
Tue, 16th Aug 20113:10 am 

I know for a fact I miss him not the relationship because I have been in several and actually am currently married and its him i miss you will know what i mean if you are interested in reading my second post Some Things Never Change on my blog @ http://nottagain.wordpress.com/

Tom says:
Tue, 16th Aug 201110:59 pm 

I like your wording. Wish we could meet and go for a walk

Ms Awesome says:
Wed, 31st Aug 20117:27 am 

It's so true! My boyfriend of 4 months dumped me 5 weeks ago and I've had a roller coaster of emotions missing him. I went through my journal of when we were together and I had wrote how Iwas 'perservering' through his moody days and I had actually written that it wasn't the relationship I enjoy so much but the idea of being in a relationship. How sad! Reading what's been shared here and drawing on that I am so going to totally embrace my new found single life. He said to me when he left me that he wasn't sure if he was doing the right thing and that he was probably going to regret it for the rest of his life but he had to leave me to give me room for the right person to enter my life – what a crap cliche excuse! Tell Mr Right the doors shut – now is the time for me and to hell with the rest of you loosers who don't know a good thing when you have it!

Courtney says:
Wed, 2nd Nov 20114:01 am 

But what if you miss the guy? I feel completely numb without him.

Liath says:
Sat, 25th Feb 201212:22 am 

All the crying was yours!

It didn't hurt him. He had sex with other people!
Don't worry about people who won't change. They weren't who you hoped they could be.

Love isn't a statement. or a description. It's not a noun.
It's active, it's a verb, it goes both ways.

Stop cheating on your partner.
Claim your present. Your past belongs to other people who are bossy, stupid and haven't a clue how good you are.

Homorule says:
Sun, 26th Feb 20121:02 pm 

You must learn to spell, I'm sorry, but this took me like 30 minutes trying to decifer whatever it was that you wrote.

Riyah says:
Sun, 11th Mar 20122:24 am 

I was with my ex for almost 4yrs. I broke up with him 3 weeks ago because he's indecisive. But of course at the beginning of EVERY relationship, It's good. And not that I expected change but I knew it was too good to be true.. After 2 1/2 years of our relationship he started messing around with his Ex's. Going back and forth from me to them. And would always say he's done with it and not going back… I believed it, I was too deep to give up.. But this time he was "honest" & actually told me he wasn't over his Ex, who he had dated a year before us. I just had to let it go! I couldn't take any more pain, stress, or hurt.. Like, why would you wait soo long to FINALLY tell me this?(Not that I didn't know. But He lied & said was over her.) Not to mention I miscarried our first child due to stress & not eating. But I think Im starting to miss him, although I DON'T want him back! I have to go to school with him and see him everyday, it hurts… & He's back with his Ex… I need some strong advice!

missy says:
Wed, 21st Mar 20123:04 pm 

I totally understand your situation. I'm not going to lie it will hurt for awhile but the truth is you can over come all of what you are going through. You are going to have to work on ways of getting yourself back together and not allow your throughts of what the two of you had together cloud your progress. Here is what I suggest. Write down all the things that you wanted to do but never and DO THEM!! Start loving yourself again and DATE AGAIN !!! You don't have to get in another committed relationship but enjoy being a young women and date. Start understanding and accepting the things you want out life and don't settle. Once your start focusing on your happiness that fact that the two of your are still in the same school won't matter, becasue you have finally MOVED ON !!! Good luck to you. Oh by the way, I kept a journal while a recovered from my breakup a wrote down everything that happen or didn't happen to me everyday. It's great therapy !!!

missy says:
Wed, 21st Mar 20123:07 pm 

Absolutely Nothing.. You Go Girl

Jessica says:
Wed, 28th Mar 20124:16 pm 

So like I asked a guy out and he said maybe and then he said yes. And I am sorta like a tan person and he called me a nicker and that hurt. Then my BFF’s told me that he said yes because people told him to. So I broke up with him and I thought that I missed him but it’s the relationship I miss not that jerk.

victoria says:
Fri, 6th Apr 201211:33 am 

u did the right thing im sorry he should never do that to u u strong and nice girl u should date someone get new man who u can trust and love to bits , and never cheats on u and not going back to his ex seriously , u know , dont worry , u will find new man dont u worry girl u rock !!!!! xxx

amy says:
Tue, 1st May 20125:37 pm 

i know the feeling… i miss mine so much and its only been a few days. You gotta keep reminding yourself why your not with him. Its easy to remember the good times harder to recall the bad ones. I love my boyfriend so much and didnt want to break it off but i had to . He just isnt going to be what I need him to be. I think it shouldnt be so hard if its right. I would love for him to say he cant live without me but that didnt happen , and pretty sure never will. Sometimes it is the right thing to move on.

jeremy says:
Fri, 18th May 201212:58 am 

My Name is JEREMY.I will love to share my testimony to all the people in the forum cos i never thought i will have my girlfriend back and she means so much to me..The girl i want to get marry to left me 4 weeks to our weeding for another man..,When i called her she never picked my calls,She deleted me on her facebook and she changed her facebook status from married to Single…when i went to her to her place of work she told her boss she never want to see me..i lost my job as a result of this cos i cant get myself anymore,my life was upside down and everything did not go smooth with my life…I tried all i could do to have her back to all did not work out until i met a Man when i Travel to Africa to execute some business have been developing some years back..I told him my problem and all have passed through in getting her back and how i lost my job…he told me he gonna help me…i don’t believe that in the first place.but he swore he will help me out and he told me the reason why my girlfriend left me and also told me some hidden secrets.i was amazed when i heard that from him..he said he will cast a spell for me and i will see the results in the next couple of days..then i travel back to US the following day and i called him when i got home and he said he’s busy casting those spells and he has bought all the materials needed for the spells,he said am gonna see positive results in the next 2 days that is Thursday…My girlfriend called me at exactly 12:35pm on Thursday and apologies for all she had done ..she said,she never knew what she’s doing and her sudden behavior was not intentional and she promised not to do that again.it was like am dreaming when i heard that from her and when we ended the call,i called the man and told him my wife called and he said i haven’t seen anything yet… he said i will also get my job back in 3 days time..and when its Sunday,they called me at my place of work that i should resume working on Monday and they gonna compensate me for the time limit have spent at home without working..My life is back into shape,i have my girlfriend back and we are happily married now with kids and i have my job back too.This man is really powerful..if we have up to 20 people like him in the world,the world would have been a better place..he has also helped many of my friends to solve many problems and they are all happy now..Am posting this to the forum for anybody that is interested in meeting the man for help.you can mail him to GREATORACLETEMPLESOLUTION@LIVE.COM i cant give out his number cos he told me he don’t want to be disturbed by many people across the world..he said his email is okay and he’ will replied to any emails asap..hope he helped u out too..good luck greatoracletemplesolution@live.com