The Adventures of Returning His Sweats

It's so cozy!

Awww!  He lent you his sweatshirt!  It’s so comfy and cozy and it smells refreshingly like boy. It’s perfectly worn in, the lifeguard/lacrosse logo beginning to crack and fade at the edges. Sure, you would normally look ridiculous in such a shirt (anyone who knows you knows you aren’t a lacrosse…er…athletic kinda girl), but hey!  He’s a lifeguard!  It’s OK if it’s his!

By Sammie

You wear it home, letting the sleeves hang past your hands and relishing in the glory that only comes with wearing a sweatshirt of the boy you love. You wear it around your room for the rest of the day. And then, once you’ve finally removed it (because sleeping in it would be weird….right?), you fold the sweatshirt up and lay it on the floor. But what now?  What do you do with it?  Return it? Do you call him or does he call you? Should he come to get it? And, before he does, can you wear it again? What if it’s cold? Is that weird?

The ol’ sweatshirt exchange doesn’t seem like much, but there’s a whole lot of awkwardness that comes along with that XL perfectly worn-in pull-over. Don’t believe me? Allow me to lay out two very real (in that they happened to me) possibilities.

Holding Onto The Sweatshirt.

So you’ve decided to keep it.  He lent it to you and hasn’t asked for it back yet, so it’s yours until he does.  It sits on your desk and you just kind of stare at it for a while, leaving it there as you go about your day.  Then one day, you’re headed out, and it’s chilly. You glance over at your desk and think, “Hmmm, it is a really warm sweatshirt…and I really like the way it smells. What are the odds he’ll see me in it? Slim to none.” So you head outside and GAHHHHHH THERE HE IS. OH GOD NO. RUN AWAY. RUUUUUNNNNNN AWAAYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!!

You aren’t prepared for this.  He’s coming over to say hi, but wait, he has just realized that your outfit looks familiar.  Oh no.  Crud.  You’ve been caught.  “Hey is that my sweatshirt?”  Uh, no, it’s not, it’s someone else’s sweatshirt….with the same last name as you….that played in the same tournament as you in high school.

Oh the awkwardness is palpable. What do you say? WHAT DO YOU SAY? Maybe he thinks you look cute in it? Hopefully he won’t make you take it off right here in the middle of the street. Oh god. Make something up and get out of there. Promise to return the sweatshirt… then run.

Returning The Sweatshirt.

So you’ve decided to return the sweatshirt.  Good for you.  You’ve made the mature decision to give it back, and maybe even put some thought into it.  You put it into a cute little shopping bag and make your way to his room.  This can’t go wrong, you’re just going to leave it outside the door and fade into the sunset as an international woman of mystery.  You just have to leave it there, and nothing else.

OK, the hall is clear, no one in sight; just hang it on the door handle and – GAHHHHHH THE HANDLE IS MOVING. NO NO NO!!!!  Oh my god, it’s his roommate – no, not just one of them, both of them… Oh God no.  “Oh hey, Kyle, John, what’s up?  I was just in the neighborhood…at 9am on a Saturday. Heh heh, this bag?  Nothing, just some sweats…yeah they do look familiar….yeah they actually are Mike’s.” Oh no. So awkward. You need to disappear. You try the Harry Potter spell to apparate. Yeah, it’s dorky but what other options do you have? It doesn’t work. So now you’re standing there. Why isn’t there an App for this!? “Why do I have them?  Uh, long story…lab accident?  Maybe? Oh he’s out of town this weekend? Cool, so you’ll give them to him?  Great, BYE!”  Then run.

Gah. Why does it always have to be so complicated? It’s an old ratty sweatshirt! An old, ratty, totally comfortable sweatshirt. That smells like him. And reminds you of the night you snuggled.

Ugh. Why did you return it!?  Get one just like it here.