10 Things We Never Need to Know About Our Man

February 15, 2010 5:00 pm     Posted in Relationships  Jessica- Delaware g+ page


By Jessica

It’s no secret that everyone wants honestly in their relationship, but there are some things we just DON’T want to know (or want them to know!).  Much like you wouldn’t disclose to your man exactly what happened between you and his roommate freshman year, here’s a list of things we definitely do not want to hear from guys we’re gettin’ down with:

1. His “Number”: I admit that sometimes I get curious and I’m tempted to ask, but I resist! I really don’t wanna know how many other chicks he’s gotten naked with, especially if I’m into him.

2. Bowel movements: Even if the relationship is years old, there should still be a little mystery in the bathroom. He should tell his frat brothers about what he’s doing/did/about to do (in graphic detail) in there, not me.

3. Anything positive about his ex: I don’t care if she was pretty, smart, a good cook, or great in bed. It’s best not to mention her at all, but if he must, we prefer to hear that she was some variation of a crazy person who didn’t fulfill his needs and has much, much smaller boobies. Also…

4. He still talks to his ex: This is basically guaranteed to bring out the crazy jealous b*tch in all of us.  It’s okay if they’re still friends, but we don’t need to hear that she texted him the most HILARIOUS thing today and blah, blah, blah.  Just avoid an argument and stay mum, okay?

5. How often he masturbates: I’d like to think he stops that once he’s gettin’ the real deal from me. And I’d really like to keep it that way.

6. How often he watches porn: I don’t want to feel pressure of trying to live up to Jenna Jameson in bed.

7. That we’ve gotten fat: If he notices, then there’s basically a 100% chance that we’ve already noticed. And panicked. And taped a picture of Adriana Lima to the fridge. We’re critical enough of ourselves, so any comments about our body from a guy besides how much he loves our T and A will send us over the edge.

8. How hot he thinks our friends are: My friends and roommates are attractive, and I’m sure any guy who spends a lot of time with me will notice.  But I don’t want to know about it.  Nor do I want to know about the fantasy involving a threesome with me and my BFF.

9. Where he learned his bedroom moves: I appreciate the great sex, but I want to throw up at the thought of all the practice it took for you to acquire your um…skill.

10. What his friends think about me: And, yes, that includes if they think I have a nice ass. That’s just asking for awkward interactions down the road.

21 Comments on "10 Things We Never Need to Know About Our Man"

  1. Syd says:
    Mon, 15th Feb 20104:06 pm 

    Also, how UGLY our friends are. Hearing 'your friend is fat' is almost as bad as hearing 'dude your roommate is so hot.' The only appropriate response to such a question is that 'you are prettier than your friends,' NOT that they're ugly. :P

  2. s says:
    Mon, 15th Feb 20106:06 pm 

    these are pretty good rules to follow. i've made the mistake of asking about some of these before. you can never.get.out.of.your.head. esp the numbers thing and and stuff about the ex (good stuff about the ex) and i agree with you syd. my last ex did that i HATED it, whats the point in mentioning the fact that some of my friends aren't attractive(to him)?? reallly?!? thats super douchey

  3. maria says:
    Mon, 15th Feb 20106:08 pm 

    except for the porn and fat numbers, i already know and don't mind lol. well, he avoids his exes like the plague as well, so that's also a nonissue. But not all of these are that bad. *only know his bowels because he's lactose-intolerant and LOVES dairy and will not use my bathroom*

  4. Mintii says:
    Mon, 15th Feb 20109:10 pm 

    Yeah, #5 is totally fine. I think of masturbating like flossing your teeth. It's something we all should do more often.

  5. Kelly - University o says:
    Mon, 15th Feb 201010:44 pm 

    Ughh I know way too much about #2.

  6. M says:
    Mon, 15th Feb 201011:35 pm 

    “5. How often he masturbates: I’d like to think he stops that once he’s gettin’ the real deal from me. And I’d really like to keep it that way.”

    That’s the only thing on this list that I’d disagree with. I think it’s kinda hot, especially since he’d be thinking about me. :D

  7. alisha says:
    Tue, 16th Feb 20109:38 am 

    I deff need to let my boyfriend read this!

  8. Casey says:
    Tue, 16th Feb 201010:33 am 

    These are really situational, some relationships can handle these things, while less serious ones this stuff really shouldn’t be brought up. It all just depends on your relationship and the two of you. Like my boyfriend and I are in a very serious relationship and we know all this stuff about each other.

    The number thing matters in some cases because it’s a clue to whether you’re compatible or not, If your number is significantly higher than your partners or vice versa then you likely have pretty different life styles and views on life and things like sex, which could cause issues in a relationship, not the number itself, but what it says about the person and their beliefs.

    My boyfriend and I live together so we know and share bathroom habits. However, we don’t go in the bathroom while each other are using it.

    Masturbation and porn are normal parts of being a guy. Most girls masturbate and I look at porn just as much as he does, so those are non-issues to a lot of couples. I know porn and masturbation are not replacements for me or our sex life, and it’s kind of a turn on when we catch each other.

    The ex’s thing, we don’t care, we both still talk to ours occasionally, not like an every day, week, or month thing, but just every so often I’ll get a text or call from mine or he’ll get one from his, and we talk about our ex’s sometimes, but were both secure enough in our relationship to know it doesn’t mean the other wants to get back together with their ex.

    It really just depends. The last couple I’ll agree with, although I don’t care what his friends think of me as long as it’s good, and he tells me if I’m starting to gain weight and helps to keep me on track with my diet and workouts cause he’s my partner and my support system, and I know just because he tells me I’ve gained some weight doesn’t mean he thinks I’m ugly and grotesque and is going to leave me for the next skinny minny that walks past him, because he still loves and wants only me, he would just prefer me to take care of myself. I’ve really never understood why that makes girls so crazy, except for they must be really insecure.

    If you know your partner and your relationship well enough then you know which of these yours can handle and which it can’t.

  9. C says:
    Tue, 16th Feb 201010:44 am 

    If you can't talk about masturbation and pron, I think you need to work on your communication…

  10. T says:
    Tue, 16th Feb 201011:43 am 

    I can see these being things you don't want to know in a not so serious relationship, but if you're engaged or married, these things are going to come up..

  11. Sarah says:
    Thu, 18th Feb 20104:36 pm 

    Oh God…my boyfriend does them all I think except #2, #4 and #10… has started a few arguments, but I don't really mind some of them…

  12. catt says:
    Fri, 19th Feb 20105:08 am 

    1. i know my boyfriends number, and because i will be losing my virginity to him shortly, it makes me feel more comfortable knowing that his number is relatively low =]

    2. um ya. thats just gross. lol

    3. this ALWAYS misses me off. unfortunately my boyfriend does it occassionally and it just makes me want to hurl

    4. thank god hes not friends with them!

    5. my bf always says when he does it he's thinking of me, so i find it cute in a weird way lol

    6. totally agree.

    7. totally agree.

    8. totally agree.

    9. totally agree.

    10. i gotta say, i always get curious as to what his friends think of me. i want them to like me

  13. Frannie says:
    Sun, 21st Feb 20108:16 am 

    I've done everything on the list except #7,8,9, and we're still good.

    I guess if you're curious, just ask or the idea just keeps nagging at you and it never goes away.

    If you really love someone this is just part of the getting to know each other process.

  14. Katie says:
    Sun, 21st Feb 201010:53 am 

    The only one I have a problem with is #4. Personally, if a guy is with me, he's with me for a reason. If he still wants to say hello to his ex, I'm okay with it. After all, it's equivalent to communicating with an old friend. As long as it's not ridiculously often, there's no reason to be upset. Too many girls freak out about this issue, which screams insecurity.

  15. mollination says:
    Mon, 22nd Feb 201010:44 am 

    I LOVE hearing nice things his friends say about me. Of course I don't want to know if they think I'm an obnoxious addition to their group (secretly I think I want to know, but if that's the answer, then it turns out I really didn't want to know at all). But if they think I'm cool or the best gf he's ever had, hell yeah – tell me!

  16. Ibrahim | TwentiesLi says:
    Tue, 23rd Feb 20106:35 am 

    my fiance and I must be weird, because we know all of this about each other, and we're both cool with it… We are definitely not a normal couple though.

  17. rubyz117 says:
    Tue, 23rd Feb 20101:05 pm 

    i agree with casey but that was a fun, girly read!

  18. Teh Fixer says:
    Tue, 23rd Feb 20108:19 pm 

    Dear ladies,

    FOLLOW YOUR OWN ADVICE REGARDING RULES #3 AND #4.

    Sincerely,

    Men of the World

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