Forget 16 and Pregnant – What About 21 and Pregnant??

February 16, 2010 Posted in Reality

For the first ten years of my life, my answer to the ever-so-popular question “what do you want to be when you grow up?” was always “a mermaid.” I wasn’t joking, I did want to be a mermaid. Living in the sea, long flowing locks, a singing lobster for a BFF….

Another ten years have passed, and my growing appreciation for my two, separate, functioning legs has put my PhD in mermaid out of the question. College graduation is approaching and I am still questioning what I want to be “when I grow up.” I knew all along my answer would change (along with my major…twice), but only recently has it hit me that the question itself would change too.

It’s not only a question of “what I want to be when I grow up,” but the bigger question: WHEN am I grown up?! I know what it feels like to be happy, sad, angry, etc, but what does it feel like to be grown up? Will I just wake up one morning and feel different? Will I think to myself, oh, maybe I shouldn’t be wearing purple sparkly nail polish because I am a “grown-up?”

The spark of my revelation you ask? 16 and Pregnant. Forget NuvaRing, this reality show is my form of birth control. A new season is about to air (tonight!) and I can finally devote my Tuesdays to scaring myself out of becoming one of those girls. Great logic, or so I thought… until I realized it would be impossible; I can’t become one of them, I can never be in their situation because I am not 16. I am no longer at risk to face the perils of teenage pregnancy because of the obvious: I am not a teenager. However, the idea of randomly becoming pregnant is just as scary to me now as it was when I was 16. I do not feel any more ready to give birth now than I did when I had braces. I would still have a heart attack and possibly go in to cardiac arrest thinking about having to tell my parents of the news.

So when is the switch made? At what age will my mind-set change and I will consider the idea of pregnancy feasible, or even desirable? Or, at the very least, not something that gives me nightmares about trying to fit a crib into my teeny, tiny NYC apartment?

As someone who feels the need to have all of the answers, it is difficult to leave these questions unresolved, but the truth is that they are impossible to answer. Feeling grown up is not part of a math equation and there is no magic light switch to make it happen. Being grown up is having the ability to look back and realize how much you have changed. (Editor’s Note: And when you wake up at 11:30 on a Saturday and think about how much of the day has been wasted…)

In reality, I will probably not realize I am grown up until I am reading this article to my grandchildren explaining how I once posted it on a “website” on this thing we used to call the “internet” in the olden days. That is, if I ever grow up enough to have children.

In the end, as I analyze the situation I am starting to believe that at age 8, I was wise beyond my years. Maybe being a mermaid would have been the perfect solution; life would be much easier if my legs were sewn together.

5379020 Comments2010-02-16+21%3A00%3A08Jessica-+FIT on "Forget 16 and Pregnant – What About 21 and Pregnant??"

Kelsey says:
Tue, 16th Feb 201011:46 am

I can definatly relate to the feelings your having. Although having a baby freaks me out now, another idea that I cannot wrap my head around is marriage. I have a few peers who are engaged now or have alreayd gotten married and are still in college. The idea of married before I have establish my independence, along with a steady job so that the idea of buying a family home, car, etc. isn't so daunting, horrifies me.

Su says:
Tue, 16th Feb 201012:21 pm

Haha i love your last sentence about life being better if your legs were sewn together. That is the funniest thing i've heard all day.

Erich says:
Wed, 17th Feb 20107:31 am

I dont think anyone is ever eady to be a parent, you just step up to the plate and handle your business. I know when I was 21 the idea of me taking care of someone else was scary to say the least, but 5 yrs later I had my first child and adopted my wifes 1st, still can't believe that I am a daddy, but the stress and all the worries go out the door when they look @ me and tell me they love me.

Tamara says:
Wed, 17th Feb 20106:54 pm

Ha, I think about stuff like this sometimes…it's scary! I kind of agree with Erich; although you should sort of plan these things (having babies is no game), I'm sure it kind of takes you by surprise. I have a couple of workmates that are older than me (in their early thirties) and they usually tell that story: one day, when you are in a good relationship, you both make sort of good (enough) money and you're not in a party mood any more, you start being lazier about birth control, and boom! After a couple of months, the test is blue.

Although, when I think about my future, I don't know when I'll have the time! I'm an academy girl and a workoholic: I want to get an MA, then a PHD, study abroad…and still, my academic jobs don't look like they'll give enough to raise kids until I'm 40 and dry! But who knows, maybe I'll find my way to do it.

Erich says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20106:04 am

Tamara the thing about having a child is that it cannot be 100% planned, you can prepare for it and discuss it, that's what we did, we talked about it after we were married and decided that we should give it a try and see what happens. I think that you should do all the things you want to do and if you happen to fall in love and life takes you in a different direction, embrace it, you only get one life.

Tamara says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20106:13 am

You're definitely right, Erich. I kind of overthink life; I should make it more about living than planning!

Erich says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20101:41 pm

Tamara– I cannot tell you how many times I had a "plan" and that plan didnt turn out the way I wanted it to. The thing is plans change and so do ppl.

Samantha says:
Tue, 23rd Feb 20108:43 am

I'm 20 and ALOT of the girls I graduated highschool with are either enagaged/married or pregnant/raising kids. I'm like……guys….we're TWENTY!

Jen says:
Tue, 23rd Feb 20106:44 pm

lol, you sound like my cousin. She's also a soon-to-be graduating senior and freaking out about the future.

I say take it one step at a time and remember that "the price of wisdom is age." ( Nifty little quote don't ya think?) =)

I personally think it's all about perspective –What has shaped you into the person you are today. Whether it be traumatic or just plain silliness these are the "life lessons" that we are still learning.

It's still a work in process… and I think it always will be. Maturity has a way of sneaking up on you

Siyanda says:
Wed, 24th Feb 20102:27 am

I used to agree with all of you girls about the 'I'll wait till I've achieved everything then I'll get married and have kids' thing. I still sort of feel the same way. But yesterday i stumbled upon a scary thing: A bunch of beautiful, educated women who'd "achieved everything" but were single and miserable-ish. They kept going on an on about how 'later in life you realize that family is more important than being the Big Bad Career Girl'. I'm a strong-willed, ambitious chile but damnit, that whole discussion scared the bajesus out of me. Maybe we're waiting too long, girls. Could it be best to (as one woman put it), "get married young and get all that out of the way THEN do the whole career thing?" I don't know. I need you ladies to convince me otherwise.

Starr says:
Thu, 25th Feb 20106:21 pm

I think ur grown up when u can take care of yourself physically, mentally & monetarily

candyK says:
Sat, 27th Feb 20106:25 am

oh yea and after reading the posts, having a baby can push your ambitions and goals away but if your strong you will find a way to achieve them. I'm pretty sure after the baby is born and carrying it for so long and starting to love it, u will automatically start to grow up (although it's not always the Case). it's best to have support from responsible ppl who have been there and done that ( but "done" it right)

candyK says:
Sat, 27th Feb 20107:18 am

it's so ironic I came across this post because i swear I was just thinking about that the other day "what about 21 and pregnant?" I got pregnant two months before my 21st birthday this month which was a miracle, but at the same time completely horrible! I couldn't wait to turn 21 to party my a** off! but…now…it's all down the drain. so indefinitely know how you feel. where would I even start raising a kid? will I make it through labor??? lol, oh the joys of pregnancy at 21… your not alone

thehatingexpert says:
Mon, 1st Mar 20107:46 pm

http://thehatingexpert.wordpress.com/2010/03/01/s…

Marley says:
Tue, 16th Mar 201010:51 pm

I was a teen mom and a 21 year old mom… I was already out of school and in college when I was 17 and pregnant. I had my baby when I was 18 and moved in with my boyfriend during college… In my situation I had a job a car I was in school and my boyfriend was very supportive! None of that makes being a teen mom easier… I mean it dose but it dosent! Nothing about my new life was "teen" I was doing tons of laundry, making dinner, and taking care or my son! Some girls "get with it" and some don't! They think they can still have a "normal" life! I really makes me mad that Clearly your child is your first priority! Not your friends or dating! I kinda blame the parents! I was raised knowing that if I ever decided to have a family that you make sacrifices and do what best for your child! If I had to miss lunch with the girls because its raining and to cold out for my baby… Then easy answer, I can't make it!

Chipboard Sheets&nbs says:
Mon, 18th Oct 201010:00 pm

the light switch we have at home are made by Omron and they last for a long long time`";

Paris says:
Wed, 26th Jan 20111:08 pm

I don't think age has much to do with it. I don't think you can judge there situation solely by their age until you can walk a day in their shoes.

stepahine says:
Mon, 2nd May 20113:27 pm

Dont Worry God has a plan for ll of us

rachel says:
Tue, 13th Sep 20111:25 pm

im currently pregnant and soon to be 21 as well. please i need advice

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