Nina says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20108:20 am 

As a girl who's been struggling with weight issues for the last 5 years (since mid-high school), I don't want my BFF saying anything. I know already, and it sucks, and it definitely makes me feel terrible. While I'm out with friends, I try to ignore the fact that everyone else is smaller than me, so pointing it out makes ignoring it impossible. If my BFF is really concerned and has some constructive criticism (key word there is constructive), then I'd love to hear it, especially if she wants to help me get in shape. But otherwise, just follow my lead and ignore it.

kaley (icanseetoday. says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20108:37 am 

If a friend asked me if she gained weight or looked bigger (and she did), I would be honest and offer my support/help…BUT if she didn't ask I definitely would not outright say she was fat. I'd suggest healthy activities over going out for pizza, but I would have to assume that she saw the difference. I could never be like "oh hey, if you haven't noticed, you ass is getting flabby"

zerohundred says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20108:59 am 

I think friends should stay out of weight issues unless advice is asked for. Most of the time when we gain wait we already know it, and even if we know THEY know it too, it hurts to hear it said.

Kimberly says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20109:02 am 

I think the only thing I would want to hear or be able to tell my BFF is suggesting we go to the gym together. It's subtle enough to not really hurt feelings but it's trying to help lose weight

Miriam says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20109:03 am 

Okay, honestly? I don't see why people have to TELL you that you're fat at all. Either you see yourself as fat and already know you are (especially if you fit into the obese category), or you don't consider yourself fat at all and shouldn't have to put up with someone telling you that you ARE.

Of course, if someone weighs 400 pounds and doesn't realize that they're facing serious health issues, then someone should probably let them know. But I'd say that's the job of a doctor or a mother, not a friend.

Effy says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20109:09 am 

No, I won't. But I'll support her, if she decides to go on a diet or to work out more.

Lindy says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20109:11 am 

Unless it's becoming a serious health issue, I'd rather deal with weight on my own. However, if a friend is genuinely concerned for me, I'd want her to talk to me about it.

Alex says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20101:34 pm 

If you're gaining weight, you know. Pants get snug, you realize handles are there that weren't there before. It happens.

However, I don't see how it is my friend's job to tell me I'm getting fat. My doctor can be concerned with my health, my friend should be concerned with my mental health. My friend should only step in if I ask her to or if she is worried about why I'm suddenly eating an entire pizza by myself. And by stepping in, I mean she should be there to eat some of it and make me talk about why I thought eating an entire pizza seemed like a good idea.

And if she feels like she must say something, she better have an idea of how to fix my problem that involves her. "You should hit the gym more" is not acceptable, but "I'm thinking about trying out this spinning/yoga/tae bo/boxing/whatever class, would you want to do that with me?" is.

Jo says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20102:19 pm 

My BFF piled on the weight last year, and even though I'm around her the whole time I noticed it, even the shape of her face changed. During the summer, we sort of touched on the subject of other peoples diets but I could already see she was getting a bit upset so I didn't say anything.

I think if you're overweight, you know. And if someone (even your bff) points it out to you, it makes you realise that other people have noticed which can't be a good thing for their confidence.

Kay says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20102:49 pm 

Girls are so sensitive about their weight I don't think they need anyone to point it out, friends, boyfriends, parents, etc. It's a touchy subject and it's bound to cause more damage than good.

nerdygirlatw says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20103:11 pm 

I think the best thing that you can do as their friend is set a good example for them – and don’t sit there eating temptations…or suggest you go out to eat and then end up ordering 3 courses AND dessert… Ask them to take the bread away for YOU because you want to enjoy the food that you ordered. If anything she’ll see that everyone has to watch out. Even “skinny” girls and/or athletes.

http://www.nerdygirlatw.com

Dia says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20103:31 pm 

yea i was thinking they already know since they have to get bigger clothes if its just some jiggly arms or a pouchy stomach thats no big deal if its 2 or 3 dress sizes then they have a clue about whats happening and dont want it brought up

Tamara says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20105:34 pm 

One thing is looking fat: telling your friend she looks fat is just mean. But if someone is clinically overweight, puting himself in real health danger, then you should tell him. Just as you should tell a too skinny girl.

One of my friends was an anorexic when we were teenagers; after a couple of years, she kind of recovered, but last year she started to look pale and bony again. Me and my friends had an intervention, told her we were worried and that she had to do something. If you have an obese friend, it's the same thing. But fat (sort of a muffin top, big thighs, a bigger tummy) is not obese. At the most, you could ask her to join to the gym, like some other people said above.

Liza says:
Thu, 18th Feb 20107:13 pm 

I agree with this. If someone asks, tell but in a nice way. If there's no ask, don't tell.

Denise says:
Sat, 20th Feb 20109:19 am 

I WOULD TELL YOU WOMEN THAT YOU ARE FAT JUST TO GET A RISE OUT OF YOU. SO SELF-CENTERED, INSECURE, AND BORING….NOT TO MENTION ANNOYING!!! DO I LOOK FAT IN THIS????? SHUT THE FUCK UP! GO HELP SOME BLIND KIDS, OR LEPROUS OR SOMETHING…

RIKO says:
Mon, 22nd Feb 201010:45 am 

hell no. she'd probably eat me

blackout says:
Tue, 23rd Feb 20105:34 pm 

No. I think a person realizes when they gain weight WAY before anyone else does.

No need for someone else to repeat what is already known.

Ria says:
Wed, 24th Feb 20103:24 am 

I don't think its fair for a best friend to 'tell you your fat' because as many people mentioned, it could cause friction in the relationship and feel like a personal attack. However, over the last 6 months, when i decided to shed my flab and start working out and eating healthy, i welcomed and was spurred on by positive comments from my best friends telling me I'm looking well etc. By being positive about healthy choices I made, it was a constructive way of motivating me, which wouldn't have come about if they'd negatively criticized my bad choices.

Star says:
Thu, 25th Feb 20101:33 pm 

I would support a friend getting into shape and making smarter health choices, such as eating better, but I would never support her dieting or losing weight. She may need to lose weight, but the goal is to be healthy and not fit a certain body type. So if she truly gets healthy, she'll lose any extra weight she doesn't need. If she's healthy and hasn't lost much weight then it's just her body type (unless it's a medical problem) and she should love herself for who she is.

Star says:
Thu, 25th Feb 20101:38 pm 

@Tamarah: That's wonderful of you to help your friend, but I'd like to caution others to remember those who are really skinny can feel hurt when it's brought up, just as those who are overweight do. I got so tired of people trying to help me out in high school. Everyone was convinced I was anorexic and lying about it, even though I ate like a pig and the doctor said I was perfectly healthy. It sucks when people think you have a problem and you don't. It starts making you wonder if you really look so bad that they think something's wrong. People don't realize telling someone they need to gain weight is just as damaging as saying they need to lose it. Telling anyone they should change their body is an insult, even if it's not intended that way. It's basically a way of saying "You don't look good enough, you should try to change your body."

I don't mean this in the case of your friend since she was anorexic. I want to make this point for those who constantly tell their super skinny friends (assuming they don't have an eating problem) that they should gain weight. If they do have an eating problem encourage them to get healthy, not to gain weight.

Tired says:
Thu, 25th Feb 20104:08 pm 

I used to be super thin. I was the "skinny" friend. Weighing, a not near enough, 98 lbs my junior year of high school, my best friend hated and envied me. Now don't get me wrong. I am not full of my self and I am not trying to sound like a jerk. My best friend was very thin too. We are built differently, I have a big bottom and she has hips. I do not have any hips at all. Basically, I was a size 00 and she was a 1 or a 3 depending on the store. She hated it. She constantly watched her weight and looking back, definitely had an eating disorder. Well as we got older I started gaining weight. I started sleeping a lot more and constantly craved food and I had an untamable hunger. I gained 65 lbs in 3 years. Turns out, I have a rare sleep disorder called narcolepsy. Basically my brain doesn't realize how much REM sleep I get and makes me tired. Well turns out the part of your brain that controls how sleepy you are, also controls how hungry you are. So if you are very sleepy your brain might think it's because you aren't eating enough and make you eat more. I went over 3 years with out a diagnosis so you can see where this can be a problem. For years this girl was my best friend. The best you can have, but when you are already losing control, gaining weight and stranger in your own body, and held against your will by a disease you don't even know you have; hearing "maybe you shouldn't eat that" can pretty much break you. I don't blame her because I now know she was just trying to help but it really can hurt a lot. Unless you are willing to sit your friend down and talk to them about their health and your concerns in a productive, positive, engaging way (it will still hurt and be uncomfortable, and she'll probably still get angry and defensive) there is no need to say it. If you are gaining weight, you are aware. Your clothes don't fit well and you don't feel as comfortable. You don't need your bff to remind you of that. — Sorry that was so long! Felt good to say it though!

ehhh? says:
Sat, 27th Feb 20106:38 pm 

what the hell is a BFFAEAEAE?

Kendra - University says:
Tue, 2nd Mar 20109:39 am 

this is a really tough call. i don't want to hurt my friend's feelings and i would never think of saying anything along the lines of telling her she has gained weight… but at the same time, i have to listen to her defend her eating habits while fishing for compliments every.single.day. it makes me uncomfortable to hear her say "why am i so fat?" while she looks in the mirror after eating, but what am i supposed to say?

Lexi says:
Tue, 9th Mar 201012:16 pm 

i think it depends on the context of the situation. if you know your friend has an emotional relationship with food and has been binge-eating, it's time to talk about what's really bothering her. chances are she needs someone, but doesn't know who to turn to. if it's just that she's gaining weight from having a burger instead of a salad, then it's nobody else's business.

Cole says:
Wed, 31st Mar 20103:13 pm 

My best friend tells me when I put on a few pounds, "Hey, those pants are looking a little snug. You still going to the gym?" She doesnt flat out say it but it's implied. She also tells me when i loose weight, and how bad my fat clothes (lost 3o pounds in 6 months, the healthy way) look on my slimmer body, "Saggy ass in skinny jeans. Cole, you need to get jeans that FIT!"

LN says:
Fri, 9th Apr 20107:46 am 

In this world that focuses too much on the human-suit instead of the soul, the majority of people are aware when they don't "measure up" to others perception of perfection.

So, your thoughts have already been received by them in one form or another ad nauseum. Most likely their own self loathing.

Here's a good rule to live by: Until you are 100% happy with they way you look then don't say anything to others.

Another: Ask yourself if you'd want the comment you are about to "gift someone else with" said to you. Would it actually help you? Or add to your stress and further escalate your decline?

Nowadays, about the only time I say something is when they are engaging in behavior that directly effects me or innocent people. For example if they are drinking too much then asking me to bail them out of their drama or driving drunk, etc.

To my fellow souls who see themselves as imperfect:

You are beautiful to me regardless of what your "human suit" looks like, if you are a compassionate, kind, funny, zestful, passionate, engaging, a/o creative person.

People who focus on the "human suit" are quite frankly a bit boring to me.

daisy says:
Tue, 27th Apr 201012:26 pm 

There's fat and then they're unhealthy. Just had lunch with a college friend who is tipping the scales at 300 lbs.

Do I sit quietly while she eats herself to death?

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Mike says:
Fri, 22nd Oct 20102:15 pm 

I'm sure your friend that is hefty ALREADY KNOWS! Why tell her something that would just make her feel more bad about herself??? This seems redundant and not something a good friend would do!