Life After College: Guys Don’t Call Out Here Either

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Are you actually going to call??

I recently met a guy who spent the night alternating between making out with me and making fun of people with me. Talk about true love. I gladly gave him my number at the end of the night and assumed he would call me the next day. I never heard from him again.

Why do men hit on you all night, ask for your number, and then disappear off the face of the earth?

I know that I should be used to this whole “lemme get your digits” scam by now, but it still tricks me every single time. Even though I act all nonchalant as I type my number into his phone, I leave the bar/party/alley floating on air. In my head I’m 16 steps ahead and already planning our first date, our first anniversary, and our destination wedding location (he liked making out in front of the fan, so we should totally go someplace windy). I wake up smiling thinking that maybe, just maybe, I won’t be the last one of my friends to get married after all.

Then a few days pass without any word from my soon-to-be fiance. At first I always make excuses for him like he lost his phone or got amnesia or got sent back to jail for breaking his parole. And then, after one too many friends inquire as to whatever happened with that guy, I face reality and realize that yes, I will be that friend from college who never got married and eventually grew facial hair and finally disappeared.

I think my problem is that I misunderstand “can I get your number?” I mistakenly assume it means a guy wants to call me. In reality it means “I’m not sure how to end this without being a total douche. Hmm, instead of just leaving the bar without glancing back, I’ll be a gentleman and ask for her number. Obviously, I will delete it moments later. But for the time being, it will make her feel good about yourself, which makes me feel good about myself. I am a knight in shining armor. Am I God?”

Should I stop giving out numbers and in turn stop breaking my heart? Or will I be missing a huge opportunity?

The safest bet seems to be grilling every guy that asks for my number by asking repeatably “Are you actually going to call? What time will you call? Are you just asking for my number because you forgot my name?” Because if a guy calls me after I Spanish-inquisition him for 6 hours, he is definitely a keeper.

And if he doesn’t call. I’ll just be one step closer to being a bearded recluse. And don’t even try to buy that website domain. My parents bought it after I got stood up for junior prom.

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