Have You Ever Gotten “The Disease”?

Things with the boy have been going pretty smoothly for the past few weeks! You guys finally made it through that awkward phase where you only texted each other when you were drunk, and now you’ve been meeting up for (sober!) study sessions during the week pretty regularly. Waking up to find him sleeping next to you in your bed is not an unusual sight anymore. Your friends have met him, you really like him you’re kind of infatuated with him, the birds are singing outside your window, all that good stuff.

But then one Saturday, you wake up next to him and for some reason feel… icky. And it’s not just because of his humid morning breath that’s blowing directly into your face. There’s this indescribably strong urge to just get him out of your room already so you can carry on with your day. It’s 11:30, your friends are probably all at brunch deciphering the sheer puzzle that was last night. You’re missing out, and you’re pissed off.

But why? A week ago you cuddled in bed with him until 3 in the afternoon and loved every millisecond of it. He has done absolutely nothing wrong, yet now you can’t explain why you suddenly shudder at just the thought of his stupid face.

Does this sound familiar to anyone?

Well, my friend, you’ve got The Disease.

It’s nothing to be worried about. It happens unexpectedly, the cause is unknown, and the only cure is to cut off all contact with him until you feel back to normal. Everyone gets it now and then, and although it is slightly tragic, it’s just a fact of dating life.  The worst part of The Disease is breaking the news to the guy, who by now has let his guard down and is completely under your spell.

Little research has been conducted on The Disease since it is a recent discovery in the dating world. However, specialists in this field are beginning to ask questions in hopes of understanding its cause. For instance, why do you suddenly lose interest in a guy who has done nothing wrong? It just doesn’t make sense. A cool guy who likes you just as much as you like him should only make you feel ecstatic, not nauseated. What is going on in your brain that makes you feel this way?! Could simple psychoanalytic theory (thank you, Psych 101 textbook!) explain this phenomenon? Could it be that, subconsciously, we know we are not ready to have a full-blown relationship, so when a guy who seems to be boyfriend-material enters our life, we just mentally shut down? That is one possible explanation, but who knows if that’s really what’s going on.

And I need to know! I’m suffering from The Disease right now and it’s worse than H1N1. Things were going awesomely with this guy Max since around Thanksgiving. We were exclusively seeing each other, but kept it casual – hanging out with him never got in the way of seeing my friends. We talked every day over winter break even though he was visiting his family in London, and I couldn’t wait to go back to school so we could be together again… But within 24 hours of seeing him, I contracted The Disease. Maybe he brought it back from Europe, I really don’t know. Since then, my symptoms have been ignoring his texts and phone calls, rolling my eyes whenever I hear his name, and pretending I don’t see him walk by me on the street.

I still have no idea what to tell him. I’m pretty sure Max would take “I’m sorry, I can’t see you anymore… I have The Disease” the wrong way, and I don’t want that kind of rumor spreading through campus.

Hopefully some day, a vaccine will be available so my granddaughters never have to suffer through this awkward experience when they’re in college. But something tells me The Disease is as stealthy and unpredictable as the common cold, so until then… pass the tissues!



    1. Maggie says:

      Uh, this article was extremely obscure. I was halfway thru it when I even understand what the hell the author was talking about. Kudos on trying to be creative, but the article was poorly written. In my personal opinion, the "disease" that you try to present so poetically is nothing more than fickleness and a specialized case of "selfish bitch syndrome".

    2. Krystyna says:

      I get "the Disease" every now and then, but it usually goes away after a day or two.

    3. Jess says:

      Maggie- It took you halfway to understand? Really? I'm more concerned about your observational skills than the "selfish bitch syndrome" you claim the author has. How is what the author describing bitchy or fickle? She says she lost interest in the guy. I bet boys have done the same to you.

    4. Susie says:

      this article is perfection! I get this almost EVERY time. at least you made it a few months, the disease usually hits me after a few WEEKS!

    5. E says:

      Yeah that's not a disease…that's you being an insensitive bitch. I'm sure in dating you've been blown off or flaked out on after seeing a guy for a few weeks, and we all know it sucks. You've been seeing this guy for months and you can't even own up to the fact you've lost interest in him? Make up an excuse (I'm too busy, I'm seeing someone else, whatever) but don't leave him twisting in the wind.

    6. D, says:

      It may not be an actual disease, but there's nothing bitchy or selfish about losing interest…Unless, of course, you just ignore the guy instead of giving him an explanation or, failing that, an excuse.

    7. ChelseyKelsey says:

      I always find that the disease comes and I have to decide.. suffer through it for a day or two and continue on and see where the relationship goes… or run.

      It usually hits right before you start to fall hard for a guy.

      Like, you know you're about to fall, and your gut is trying to make sure you really want to

    8. dressdarling says:

      Yeah… this is completely illogical to me. Boys have done this to me, but I've never felt this way towards a guy. And honestly, I think that if you just wake up one day, decide you don't like him anymore, and just let him go, then you're not giving a great guy a chance. Every time a guy has been like this to me, I've just thought thought "way to be a tool and not give this time to pass."

      You should at least give it a week or two to see if you can work through it. At least give some respect to the relationship.

    9. tj says:

      I don't see the bitchiness or insensitivity at all.. sometimes you just get annoyed with someone's presence, even though they've done nothing wrong and nothing has changed. it even happens to me with my friends. i just need a break for a bit and then everything is perfectly fine again. i can definitely relate. i'm sure guys have felt this way towards me too, and you can't help it, it just happens. doesn't make the person feeling it a bitch..

    10. elle says:

      I completely know what you're talking about! I don't think it's about being a bitch or being selfish at all. Things just happen. Give yourself a little break from him and maybe you'll be cured.

    11. Will says:

      You know though that the reaction would be much different

      if it was a guy talking about trying to legitimize

      ignoring his girlfriend

      You'd think hes cheating

    12. fos says:

      Sounds like you overdosed on the guy and now you either need a breather or to break up.

      I wouldn't IGNORE somebody outright though; that's the selfish bitch part.😛

    13. Guy says:

      Reading comprehension ladies. She isn't being a bitch for realizing she isn't into the guy anymore. She is being a bitch for totally blowing him off, ignoring texts and calls and avoiding him on the streets. Bitchy and immature. Grow up and give the guy the respect you would want given.

    14. Roberto says:

      its okay, she'll understand when there is a guy she really likes, and then he blows her off. yup… men are total assholes

    15. Vanessa says:

      I've gotten the "disease" plenty of times…I think its more of a defense mechanism for us so we don't get hurt…but it does only last a couple days tops for me!

    16. Casey says:

      I LOVE how every article on here that's written about girls in relationships and their "relationship issues" generates comments from the same handful of male readers giving some "male insight" into the FEMALE dating mind. Because everyone knows that guys and girls think just alike, and these guys TOTALLY know what we mean in these articles, and they get us SOOO WELL that they can put us down for things they THINK we would put them down for.

      Try this one on for size, BOTH sexes experience this sensation! BOTH sexes tend to ignore the other when this situation arises (at least until we figure out what to do about it, uuuh, because neither of us know what the fuck to do about it!) therefore WE ARE ALL ASSHOLES! Because men AND women suck at trying to communicate with each other! And neither gender ACTUALLY gets the other. duh.

      Let me go run off to my mens relationship blog and be the stereotypical girl who thinks she knows everything about the opposite sex. *rolls eyes*

    17. s says:

      aaahhh i'm going through this right now , although i never had the words "stupid face" come to mind, and i don't get mad at him. it's more like i was into him, and now i just feel like running for the hills. i've done this with quite a few guys although i've never had an angry dislike just kinda a grossed out feeling. maybe its you realizing you're better off as friends? but i think its effed up to totally ignore him, esp if you were exclusively dating. The best thing would be to just tell him you don't want to date him anymore, or if thats too hard you could bail out and say you don't want to date anyone right now. but honesty is the key if you want him to still respect you.

    18. Roberto says:

      man @casey if thats how you really feel then damn, I feel for you. Women are not that difficult to read, such as men aren't that difficult to read.

    19. Casey says:

      Roberto,you're right, men are pretty easy to read, obviously women aren't so easy since you totally missed the point of the article and went straight to criticizing the author for stereotypes that she made no mention of. Did she say "guys are assholes"? Nope! You just assumed she thinks that because she's a girl. Yep! GREAT understanding of women!

    20. Roberto says:

      feminist much?

    21. Megan says:

      Unfortunately, this happens to me a lot. I don't know what it is.. I start to really like a guy, hang out with him a few times and then one day, I just wake up and can't stand to be around him anymore. I've always thought that it's due to rushing into something and not really taking time to get to know them.

    22. […] Have You Ever Gotten “The Disease”? Things with the boy have been going pretty smoothly for the past few weeks! You guys finally made it through that […] […]

    23. Carrie says:

      Thank you so much for posting this article! I thought I was totally weird or my heart was dead or something, but yeah, this has totally happened to me. I think ChelseyKelsey might be right that it comes right before you're about to fall hard, but I never let myself, so I'm not sure. Maybe it is a defense mechanism.

    24. […] Have You Ever Gotten “The Disease”?: College Candy […]

    25. mollination says:

      This is the only time I have ever heard anyone else describe this – and I have a frightening pattern of "The Disease" throughout every single one of my relationships.

      Up until now, my fear was that the "climax" for me was having a guy reciprocate feelings and getting off on being able to be 100% close and affectionate with him. Shortly after this period I would grow nauseated by him. I had a theory that becuase my dad died when I was younger, my way of replicating my relationship with my father was being attrated to guys I didn't have in the palm of my hand, having sex with guys I still wasn't sure thoroughly loved me got me off physically, and then climaxing this sick pattern by getting off emotionally when they finally fell for me.

      Then after enjoying their love for me for a while, I grew uncomfortable with them. I'm not assuming anything about you author, but now I am curious what your relationship with your father is like just to see if there's any correlation to my theory. Because frankly, I don't know anyone else who has this.

    26. Grace says:

      I genuinely thought it was only me! But mine didn't last for days… it's been months and it's still going on. It's eased-up a bit, but was a heady mixture of unexplainable anger towards him and 'the mention of your name really grosses me out'! I thought it was because I came to certain realisations about the unconventional aspects of the "friendship" (he was 10 years older then me and I was fresh out of college – so not a cool 20/30 age gap, more a just turned 18/28 age gap). But I totally love that it's not just me being weird and it happens to others… Who'd have thunk it!!

    27. Mel says:

      @Casey: … I'm almost certain that Roberto's first post was sarcasm. Like… 99% certain. Like "Hey… she's being a bitch by not being up front with this guy about her feelings. And yet women like to call us assholes…?" Just not in so many words.O_o

    28. Chelsea says:

      wow…i didn't know other people felt this way too! this has always been an issue with me as well. i also agree that it is a defense mechanism because i have a hard time trusting guys. this might have stemmed from my father leaving when i was little, but i'm not entirely sure. i am in a relationship right now with a really great guy…but for some reason when he tells me he loves me it is starting to cause me to panic and feel weird about it. it makes me wonder if it is more like we don't think we deserve to be happy so anytime a good guy comes along we end up turning them down? this might explain why many girls go for bad guys. i don't know if any of that made sense but that's what this article made me think about.

    29. […] – We realized that H1N1 has nothing on this disease. […]

    30. Char says:

      Sounds like you should have gotten to know this guy, if that was an option. Or were you too drunk to even realize you brought him home until the next morning. Awww.. but then you go on to say that it didn’t spiral into you being a one night stand. Guys are easy and simple to please it’s just a fact. You should be greatful and taking advantage of the fact that he is still waking up next to you and that you may have met a nice guy considering that whatever you want to call this started out as you being a bit trampy and he is giving you the benefit of the doubt. Let this guy go for a girl that deserves him.

    31. mich says:

      this has definitely happened to me. it seems it's difficult to understand it unless it's happened to you

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