The Morning After: The Devil Goes Commando
It was the Thursday night before homecoming, and a frat was throwing a “Heaven and Hell” themed party for my sorority. We were to dress like devils and the boys like angels, so I threw on a teeny-tiny LBD, a pair of devil horns from the dollar store and borrowed red patent leather pumps from my friend. Naturally, a bunch of my sorority sisters came over to pound (too many) shots before stumbling heading out to the frat house.
When we got there, we headed downstairs (“hell”) where everything was decorated with flames and black tarps on the walls. Interesting. We headed to the bar where we were given Solo cups of a red mixed drink, contents unknown. After a couple refills, I was completely, utterly DRUNK, so I headed upstairs (to “heaven”), got on the dance floor and promptly found a cute boy to grind with.
After awhile things started getting hot and heavy, so we headed to a bedroom. Before I knew it I was naked except for my devil horns and red pumps, having sex with a guy dressed like an angel. I made a mental note to cross “role play sex” off my bucket list when I got home.
After walking back into the party area, I had discovered that most of my friends had left during my bedroom romp (or I was just too wasted to find them). I decided I was way too tired/drunk to try to find a safe ride, so I opted to walk home alone (about a 20 minute walk, by the way).
I was a mere 100 yards from the frat house, stumbling in my devil heels (both because they were red patent and because they were chomping on my baby toes) when I saw flashing lights in my periph. A cop pulls over to me, rolls down his window and asks me where I’m headed. Things are blurry at this point, but I believe I whined something along the lines of “I’m too drunk and I just wanna go hoooooome!” Then I proceeded to lean against the door of his car.
Either I was too pathetic to arrest or he liked how my ass was hanging out of my LBD, but he felt bad for me and drove me home, telling me how unsafe it was for me to walk alone at 3 a.m.
Since I was blessed with a 10 a.m. class on Fridays, I woke up when my alarm went off at 9:15. Still fully dressed from the night before, horns and all. It wasn’t until then that I realized that post-sex I had put my dress on inside-out AND backwards, and even worse, I LEFT MY UNDERWEAR THERE. As I stumbled to class that day (still drunk, mind you) I couldn’t help but think of my poor black lacy thong from Victoria’s Secret being tacked up on a frat house bulletin board.