Lola says:
Tue, 2nd Mar 20109:30 am 

Bitch move if you cut off all communication with her. You are her friend and his friend. If either of them tries to make you pick sides then I would dump that one, but beyond that there is no reason not to stay friends with the ex-girlfriend. I know for me the hardest part of my last break-up was losing his friends as my friends and then seeing them around campusand not being acknowledged at all.

My vote, still hang out with her, just not at the same time you are hanging out with him.

Maggie says:
Tue, 2nd Mar 201010:21 am 

If you consider yourself her friend, you should definitely try to support her. I agree – whoever tries to get you to take sides is not a good friend.

Kristi says:
Tue, 2nd Mar 201010:44 am 

This exact thing happened to me – the only difference was that I met the two at the same time. It wasn't a messy breakup because neither did the other wrong, but they had made plans to live together before they started dating (as roommates) and that turned out to be not the best idea.

Anyways, after they broke up I managed to remain friends with both, just spending time them at separate times. It's not as hard as it sounds, and don't keep it a secret from the other one or it will seem like you're going behind their back. As long as they're not a complete douchebag, they'll understand that you want to keep both friendships alive!

Bailey says:
Tue, 2nd Mar 201011:56 am 

Agreed with everyone else – stay friends, but do not take sides. If you have no strong feelings about either side of the breakup, there's no reason for you to take a side, especially if you want to keep both of them as friends.

I've been in this situation more than a few times, and it's good to keep spending time with them both if you want to stay friends, but also you should be careful not to talk about the breakup. I see no problem with letting them vent about it, but if you want to stay friends, it's important that you not give any negative opinions. Those opinions will get back around to everyone else, no matter how secret you intend them to be, and it just doesn't reflect well on you, even if you meant them in the best way.

Sometimes it's touch and go with friendships for a while, especially if the breakup was really bad. When my boyfriend dumped me, I told one of my good friends that I couldn't stay as close to her as I was while they were still good friends, but after a few weeks the pain started to wear off and now we're back to being best friends. It's a lot about proximity to the situation, too – so don't forget that sometimes people do or say things they don't mean, and just let them both heal while you support them.

tory says:
Tue, 2nd Mar 201012:29 pm 

Just because they are broken up that doesn't mean you can't be friends with both of them. Granted, hanging out in a group with the two of them may be a little awkward but true friends would understand that yes, the other is your friend too. Just because they have broken up doesn't mean that your friendship with the girlfriend should automatically end.

Bridgette says:
Tue, 2nd Mar 20104:19 pm 

I was so happy when my Ex-Fiance's friends were still cool with me. I think the thing I feared the most is losing their friendship , kind of reason I hesitated our breaking up. But luckily they were able to separate what happened between me and him was simply me and him. So our relationship had nothing to do with our friendship. I think that's a key principle, and the main thing I think that works is we keep what happened with the other person out of our friendship. That's what works.

Alyssa says:
Wed, 3rd Mar 20101:55 pm 

ahh I've been there a few too many times, sometimes for really messy break ups. I think it's best to be clear with each- "I still want to be friends with each of you, and I'd appreciate it if I didn't have to hear anything negative you have to say about the other.." I'm a very blunt person, so when I've had messy break ups to deal with, I've simply told both parties not to make me choose, and if either does attempt that, I will absolutely choose the one that did not. It's possible to be supportive for both parties without talking trash about their ex. Assuming they are both real friends, they'll understand this is something of a sticky situation for you to be in.

Jennifer M. says:
Fri, 12th Mar 20101:07 pm 

Hmm. This is a tough one. I have been there many times. It's hardest when they both start confiding things in you that they wouldn't want the other to hear. I try to stay neutral, but to be honest, a lot I times I'll end up siding with the friend I've known the longest. He/she has been there for me so I need to be there for him/her. I tend to feel like it's a loyalty issue, but maybe that's just me.