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Sexy Time: The Secret to Good Sex
March 4, 2010 Posted in Relationships, Sex
As a writer, I have a lot of role models. People who’ve made a difference with their writing, people who’ve paved the way, and people whose writing I just really enjoy. One of those people is sex columnist Dan Savage. Not only does he write a sex advice column that’s syndicated all over North America, but he’s also written a few books and still manages to be a fairly down-to-earth guy.
One of the things that Dan talks about pretty frequently in his column is the idea of being GGG – good, giving and game in the sack. According to Dan, these are the three traits a person needs to sustain a long and healthy sexual relationship.
I’ve been asking myself lately how exactly one goes about being GGG in a relationship — what does it actually mean? It seems like a pretty good concept, so let me break it down for you guys too:
Good – not everyone comes by sexual talent naturally, and it’s unreasonable to think that your first time doing something is automatically going to be awesome. Being good involves lots of practice. Sexually, everyone has strong points and weak points. To reach your “maximum potential” in bed, it’s important to ask your partner what they want. If it’s not something you’re familiar with, ask for tips, try your best and practice, practice, practice!
Giving – being good at something is only the first step. You’ve gotta put that into action! Being in a relationship means you’ve gotta be willing to put your partner’s needs ahead of your own from time to time. Sex involves two (or more) people, so focusing only on yourself just isn’t going to fly. In order to maintain a long-term sexual relationship, both partners need to feel that they’re getting what they need.
Game – nothing is better than a little enthusiasm. Sex should never make your partner feel like you’re doing them a favor. While your partner’s kink may not be one of yours, giving into that from time to time enthusiastically (within reason, of course) is going to get you some major bonus points in the sex department. Even if it’s not necessarily your cup of tea, being enthusiastic and willing to try new things will go a long way. Not into certain positions? Give them a try every once in a while if it’ll make your partner happy – and fully expect them to do the same for you.
Like everything else in a relationship, being GGG goes both ways. Being good, giving and game for your partner should be returned with them being GGG for you. Nothing says I love you like a round of good, enthusiastic, giving sex.
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Erich says:
Thu, 4th Mar 20106:22 am
you should start with an older person say of 7-12 years and let them teach you.Then date people younger or closer to your age and you will find that what you have been taught, works with just about everyone.
thehatingexpert says:
Mon, 8th Mar 201010:16 am
http://thehatingexpert.wordpress.com/2010/03/01/s…
thehatingexpert says:
Mon, 8th Mar 201010:16 am
Erich–this sounds like something an old man trolling for young ass would say.
nelson says:
Mon, 19th Apr 20108:46 am
What advice do you have for a couple
That have children and yet they both
Seem to be falling out of love from stress
And other people givin advice
When they don't have a happy
Relatoinship.do u ask them not to
Take advice from them,tell them
To choose,tell them to take advice
But choose to do what makes them
Happy.what if they choose to still take
Advice that is wrecking our relationship.
Is it fair to ask them to not hang out?
How can I get back trust if its abused?
How do u get a women to forgive and move past
Mistakes that both have made?
Steve says:
Wed, 23rd Jun 20108:35 pm
I think it is much more that that:
Good
——-
You have to make a real effort to be good in bed with your partner. No laying there. Make sure you bring your kink to the party – especially if you have to lower libido. Spend some calories and make a real effort, physically and mentally. Initiate your fair share of sex. Flirt outrageously, flash them, grope them. Read the how to guides on this site and glean what you can from (quality) porn or traditional resources such as “The Joy Of Sex”, Kama Sutra, Cleo. You have to make sex a priority in your relationship – not the last thing you do after everything else has been doen for the day. You should take sex outside of the bedroom – try the couch, kitchen, beach, hotel, shower. Make it a mission to try three new positions every week outside of the bedroom.
Be good at sex.
Giving
——–
You have to give equal time. Don’t lap up your partners attention un-reciprocated. 69ing is great but it’s often nice to just receive, make sure you give time to your partner just to play with them. Poke, probe, stroke, lick, suck, ice, toys, swallow. If they are visual make sure the can see: let her see your erection, use the mirror so she can see you pumping into her. Look into her eyes whilst you flick your tongue around her clit. Let hum see you spread wide, all your details. Give him a torch to get a better look as you hold yourself further open, your arsehole too, so he can see everything. Let his see his cum in your mouth before you swallow it and go back down to make sure you got it all.
Giving means that you’re more than good – not just a wild animal bucking around whilst your partner goes for it with you. It means that you make a real effort and time commitment, not just to make them cum but to get them there in a drawn out and fun way.
Game
——–
Game means that you have to make a real effort to let your partner explore and indulge their kinks. Even if it’s not what you are into.
Sex should never be about defending and diluting everything the the limits of the less inclined partner. If that were so then the sex is going to end up boring and repetitious and uninteresting for the more sexual partner. You are each going to have different kinks and peccadilloes, explore them together. She’s into anal and your not into the idea of shit on your penis – tough mate, this is her gig and your just going to have to put out for her. Grab a condom and a towel and give it to her exactly how she wants. She doesn’t like the way he thrusts his cock into her mouth – get over it honey, it’s a cock – it is for fucking – thrusting is it’s job. Search for the how to vids from iDeepthroat on your fav torrent site and start learning how to relax that gag reflex. She wants a threesome but he doesn’t — sorry mate, go do some pushups and look good for the photo on the swingers site and help her find a couple that you think you would both like to play with.
Let your partner tie you up and do you whatever they want. But do more than that – be proactive about their kinks: Put sushi on yourself (mind the wasabi) and serve your partner a snack. Be nude when they get home and stay that way, explore all the new toys, piss on them in the shower – help them explore and push their boundaries.
venkatesh says:
Fri, 28th Jan 20112:42 am
hai