Ask a Dude: Gettin’ Clingy With It
[Got a Dude itch you just can't scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to email@example.com. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring it on, ladies.]
So I met a guy at a party three weeks ago and that night we just danced and kissed a little. He seemed really sweet and asked me to go to lunch the next day, but I was unfortunately working so I just gave him my number and said he should text or call me…which he did…like fifteen minutes after we left the party. Nothing too clingy, just really cute.
The next weekend he came over and stayed overnight. He said he wanted to wait to have sex because we didn’t know each other that well so we talked/fooled around all night. The next morning he wished me a happy Valentine’s day and said all kinds of sweet things.
We didn’t talk much during the week but he came over the next weekend and we hooked up, just fooling around at night then had sex in the morning. He left being all cute and stuff, saying nice things again.
I asked him to come over this weekend but he said he was too drunk and I got a little upset and may have texted him quite a few more times. Now I’m worried he thinks I’m stage-five clinger, but I actually really like him. What can I do to reverse stage-five clinger situation?
Ah, Wedding Crashers, you’ve contributed so many wonderful assets to our culture: the motor boat, Isla Fisher, Vince Vaughn’s last great performance, eerie foreshadowing of Owen Wilson’s suicide attempt, and the infamous stage-five clinger. Stage-five clingers, according to the book of Crashers are to be avoided like the Black Plague. However, could the clinger herself be cured of her affliction? That really depends if the diagnosis is correct in the first place.
The person who decides if you’re a clingers isn’t the clinger but the clung to. The problem with self-diagnoses is the lack of objectivity. This is why psychology students automatically proclaim they have 8 different mood disorders as soon as they read their textbook. Most of them don’t and the one who does becomes the next Hunter S. Thompson. The scary part in your situation is that you could become a victim of a self-fulfilling prophecy. You think you are a clinger and therefore you become a clinger. STOP THINKING!
One of the most unattractive qualities to either gender is lack of confidence (not a groundbreaking thought but probably a priori knowledge [if you don’t know the term “a priori” then you should have taken your 11th grade philosophy course]). You’ve got to believe in yourself! You can’t define your worth by whether or not the guy is returning your phone calls or takes a weekend off from hooking up with you. In the grand scheme of things it’s just one night off from getting off, odds are you’ll have a ton more opportunities – IF YOU DON’T BLOW EVERYTHING OUT OF PROPORTION!
You have to approach this situation on two fronts: attitude and action. First of all, stop calling yourself a clinger if he hasn’t actually said you’re giving him a stalker vibe. Secondly, pump the brakes a bit and take a few days off from texting/calling. This simple step, once taken, will alleviate any possible fears of his and the ones you’ve overloaded your brain with. The truth is, sometimes we guys get too drunk to function and finding our way over to someone’s house (where we’d most likely pass out or ruin your carpet within the first minutes of being there) is an impossible task. Trust me, in the morning we usually regret not having gone over.
Stop defining yourself by whether or not this guy came over for one night out of the 365. Sure, it was disappointing, but it was one night. Take a step back and gain a handle on the actual situation rather ran revving yourself up into an obsessive fit. You’re not a clinger (based on the limited facts you’ve given me) but you are putting too much of your worth in his reaction rather than your actions. Take a personal day, watch some TV, turn off your phone (oh no, I’ve suggested the 8th Deadly Sin!), and bask in the glory of you.
Lock it up!