Duke It Out: Sexting

[It’s pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman (unless she happens to be charging at us with her fists raised), so we thought we’d give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I’ll be featuring a hot topic (like chivalry!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]

Sexting always seemed like a no brainer to me – don’t send naked pictures of yourself out into the world unless you want everybody to see them (see the smarts a college education buys!) – but it seems like the line has gotten blurrier and blurrier and now I’m not sure what to think.

Ok, let’s start with the obvious. We have all learned (from those drunken Facebook photos) that once something is out there, you can never really take it back, and sexting has the same issues. Even if it’s just words and not pics of your naughty bits, the last thing you want is for your BF’s pals to get hold of his phone and see (or god forbid, send) that stuff. Not to mention the whole, “what happens if you two break up and he’s still got all that stuff” issue.

There’s just so much that can go wrong with sending dirty stuff to each other’s phones or email (ever accidentally sent a text to the wrong person… yeah, that’s what I thought!). And since this stuff just ends up floating around in technology-land somewhere, there’s an actual legit chance that,  say, your future boss/BF/skeezy-neighbor-down-the-hall could find these stupid little mistakes that you made and judge you for them. Is it really worth having that over your head?

But on the flip side,  is sexting really that bad? It seems like every other month some women’s mag is telling me that I should keep my man revved up by sending him some dirty thoughts via text – and I have to admit that kinda makes sense. Texts are a lot less intimidating than actually having to say this stuff out loud, plus you can do it anywhere. Why not embrace the tech to make our sexy lives better, right?

Realistically, I’ve had some risqué text convos that I really wouldn’t want everyone on the planet seeing (sorry mom!) but should I let that idea keep me from having a little naughty fun when I want to? Should you really care what that theoretical future person might think of you – and more importantly, should you let that hold you back? After all, we live in an age where everyone’s personal flubs are public knowledge, so are we being too prudish about the whole idea of this?

Ok chickadees, what are your thoughts? Have you ever sent a dirty pic or text? Would you do it again? Are you doing it right now? (on second thought, don’t tell me!)

Is sexting a bad idea or just over-hyped? Duke it out!



  1. Jessie says:

    I think sexting can be pretty fun and not all that bad, but it's still risky to me. I say this from experience cause one of the worst possible people got a hold of a phone and was able to read my boyfriends and my sexting conversation – my mother. That was beyond embarrassing. But still, sexting can be pretty fun. So I say its ok as long as the messages are either deleted or kept super super secret.

  2. Lauren - University says:

    I guess I understand why people do it, but the whole thing just skeeves me out. Maybe I'm overly cautious of somehow having this come back to haunt me one day, but I also just think it's weird to send something like that in a text. I dunno… I think it's a terrible idea all around. Even if it keeps the spark alive, the potential implications are not worth it.

  3. Miriam says:

    Just be smart about it. If I sent a naughty text to my boyfriend of nearly a year, I can be pretty damn sure he's not going to forward it to his entire contact list. But don't send it to some douche you met at a frat last night.

  4. suzy says:

    I agree with lauren. My belief is if you have something personal to say don't do it via text or over the internet. Besides isn't a phone call way more intriguing than words? I can understand pictures up to a point. I mean why bother sending pictures when you can just go see him or her? However i understand why people do sexting. However speaking from personal experience the short term enjoyment is not worth the long term consequences.

  5. Imovedoutofmymomsbas says:

    I have several pictures of nude girls in my phone. But i would never send it out to anyone else i think that's just plain wrong.

  6. Sara says:

    Sexting is perfectly normal. As long as your head isn't in the picture, and try to keep a lock on your phone. It's fun, not dangerous.

  7. Holly says:

    my boyfriend and i send each other dirty texts whenever the mood strikes — but only of the actual text variety. a short list of the reasons i refuse to send him pictures:

    *i've heard his friends talk about sites where guys post x-rated stuff of their ex-girlfriends.

    *he's not super-attached to his phone and leaves it lying around a lot — and our roommate is really funny, but really twisted.

    *when he asked me to and i said if i did he'd likely make it his phone background, he laughed and said "yeah, probably."

    the one time i did send him one, it was from the next room and i watched him delete it after it had sufficiently served its attention-grabbing purpose.

    basically, i'm ok with the words i put out there, because when it comes down to it, i'm ok to owning up to any of them. the pictures, though, are more than i'm willing to risk.

  8. Casey says:

    I agree with Miriam. If you can't trust your partner to not show/tell/send your pics/texts, then you've got bigger issues in your relationship.

    I know I can send this stuff to my boyfriend and he's not going to show it to anyone else, out of trust, respect, and because he doesn't want to share what he has with anyone else. If the guy actually cares about you, then you have nothing to worry about.

    I was actually just talking about this issue with my boyfriend the other day because he told me his childhood best friend (who we can't stand) just got arrested the other day for child pornography because some little fifteen year old girl (he's 23) sent him a nude photo via text message and like the dumb ass he is he showed it to all of his friends.

    so if people just didn't do stupid shit like fuck children, or trust assholes, this really wouldn't be an issue at all.

    That being said, it's not that weird/bad. If I'm at work I can't make a dirty phone call to my boyfriend who's also at work and can't receive a dirty phone call, but if I'm thinking about him and what I want to do later then I'll send him a dirty text. It's private, it's quick, and you don't have to commit to a text the way you do a phone call. I hate talking on the phone, I think it's a waste of time, I'm a pretty busy person, I don't have time to sit on the phone and have a full blown conversation when I can just respond to texts on my own time. Plus, the only time I'm not with my boyfriend, I'm around a ton of people, so not the best time or place to have phone sex. Not to mention, sexting cuts out the awkwardness of actually talking dirty out loud, but is still a way to communicate new ideas or fantasies to your partner.

  9. Rezu says:

    I don't know. I depends. I was in relationship and ,unintentionally, set myself up in the worst way. I did the whole sexting thing, time went by, I began to hate the person I was with, and our relationship ended…. HORRIBLY. He is a asshole of a person, vinictive. I was stupid to ever trust him. Our relationship has since been over, but I don't know what he did with those picture.

    Fact of the matter is, don't send the pixs unless you trust your boyfriend and don't mind the possibilty of the world seeing them.

  10. LoveHoney - Carly says:

    Naughty words are fine as, if required, you can deny it was you that sent them. I've had friends get hold of my phone and ask guys out "on my behalf" before so it can be a genuine (albeit somewhat iffy) excuse if they ever do reappear to haunt you.

    However, photos are an entirely different matter. It is very hard to deny that you didn't send that sexy photo when it's clearly your face and your birthmark in the shot.

    So, in conclusion, sex texts – yes, sex photos – no.

  11. natalie says:

    don't date a stupid little boy. a mature man wouldn't send around a naked picture that you sent him. it's a simple as that. "sexting" is perfectly fine…and normal. just as normal as sending your significant other a photo via email or (dare i say it?) making a "video"…i think most of these magazine articles talk about young teens and high school kids sending around photos to immature boys and not expecting that the only thing on a teen boys mind is sex, sex, sex…so OF COURSE he is going to show his friends…"oooh, look at this girl i'm fucking"…

  12. jimmyjohn says:

    sexting is definitely not the wisest thing to do in the world, but neither are a lot of other things that we do for fun. Lust, and love can make you do crazy things and in my opinion you should make sure you really trust that person. but we know how trust goes..and it goes out the window a bunch. Its just a risk you gotta take. And if someone does go ape shit. or tries to brag to ppl/ or it gets in the wrong hands, you can at least take pics w/o your face in it. Many quick and easy photo editing applications exist on smartphones, and you can easily crop your face out or blur it. So when shit does hit the fan you can always deny that its you.

  13. […] discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like sexting!) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the […]

  14. Bailey says:

    I've "sexted" before, with both pictures and words. I don't think it's that bad as long as you are cautious about it.. I've never put my face in a picture (although I was with this guy for three years) and I had a pretty unique looking room. So, my phone allows me to color on my pictures, so I just blacked out the color of my walls.. so that way you could only see my body and very little of anything else.. And you can't always have phone sex, so using words lets you know that your thinking about them (in more ways than one haha) and it allows you to tell them what to look forward too. It helps keep the spark alive! But no, sexting isn't bad.. just pay close attention to what and who your sexting!

  15. Erika says:

    I think is not a good idea. What can you do after someone you trusted got those pictures around and sent them to you fiance and ended your future because of some pictures at that time. Is there any way that you can erase the pass or make things better because now your fiance no longer trusts you. I am devastated what can I do? Do not send out pictures even though you think you trust that person at that time.

  16. bri says:

    i think its completely fine to send all word messages, but pictures are a little more risky. just dont put your face in the picture and its fine, and dont send them all the guys you know. be smart about it,

  17. […] Wild Stuff He Says Behind Your Back” contained some of the usual anti-sexting propaganda (but really, high school students: stop sending naked photos to your bf), along with some other […]

  18. N says:

    I send my boyfriend dirty texts whenever I feel in the mood. I trust him enough to not go around showing his friends. And even if his friends do happen to get their hands on his phone (he's a guy, he leaves it around carelessly sometimes) I don't find it that big of a deal. It's not like it's porn or anything. It's also nothing to be immature about, there are way worse and nasty things than a dirty text.

  19. […] talk isn’t just for phone sex and text messages.  Newsflash: it brings about amazing results when used in person, as well.  And don’t be […]

  20. Smantha says:

    Hi I've done it before and it's fun. I did it with this guy and we had fun. If it's that good and it's technically legal unless you can no longer text so how is it bad? People like me know that it's a risk but it's a risk I'm willing to take and the others are too.

  21. Mo says:

    I'm in a long distance relationship…I do sext, but it's not extremely explicit. Would I want my mom to get hold of my phone and read my conversations? Hellll no.

    I trust and love my boyfriend, but I would never allow him to have naked pictures-I'm far too distrustful of everything else for that.

  22. […] we were all over each other and he was very generous in bed. And then when we were apart we would send each other dirty texts etc, etc. However, this didn’t last long. Now we see each other really frequently (spent […]

  23. […] Duke It Out: SextingMarch 12, 2010 – 9:00 am By Lauren H – The New School […]

  24. […] I get it. It’s exciting to take sexy pictures, or make sexy videos, but here’s something to think about: no one (underage or of age!) wants to […]

  25. […] Glamour says: “Sorry re: the game. U might score l8r 2nite tho…” Jasmine says: If you’re old enough to be sexting, I think you’re also old enough to come up with something more clever than a played out […]

  26. FACT. says:

    I was taught " do not say or do ANYTHING you would not repeat repeat in front of any one ( mom, dad, boss, boyfriend/girlfriend, ex / new partner etc) today,tomorrow or at any time in the future. Not a bad guid line I would say. If your happy with the previous go for it. If you want/need some instant gratification, perhaps you should think.

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