Life After College: Group Dinner Hell

March 16, 2010 Posted in Reality

Nothing makes me want to curl up and die faster than an invite to a group dinner. From start to finish it’s an intensive game of twenty questions. Where should we go to eat? Do they have vegetarian options? Can you be there by 7 or not? Did you seriously invite her? Can I get the barbecue chicken salad without the dressing, chicken, cheese, lettuce, or bowl?

The night always starts off on a bad note because no one can ever agree on a restaurant. The person who always wants sushi suddenly claims they’re craving Papa Johns and the person who always orders the side salad at every restaurant is claiming they’re craving chicken-fried-lard. And once everyone finally settles on a Mexican place, my roommate claims that the water there is too spicy.

And then I show up at the restaurant and somehow get stuck sitting at the end next to the one person I can’t stand. So now I’m spending the entire meal having forced conversation about the weather and frozen yogurt. I try a few times to get in on the convo at the other end of the table. They’re laughing, they’re crying, they’re pricking their fingers and becoming blood sisters. But my biggest contribution to their conversation is “What? I can’t hear what you’re saying down there. A pact? I want to be in on this pregnancy pact.”

Right before I finish my lengthy monologue on the best fro-yo flavors, the bill arrives. Doomsday. The person who ordered the 9-course meal and 16 bottles of wine suggests splitting the bill evenly since everything pretty much cost the same. Except I’m always the person who orders chicken broth and a lettuce leaf to save money. So actually it’s not all equal. But I can’t say anything because then everyone stares at me like I’m being cheap for pointing out that I shouldn’t have to put in $50 when I only spent $7. And then the bill always comes up short despite everyone claiming they put in the right amount of money.

Finally the dinner ends with the never-flattering pictures taken across the table (less than a foot away). When will Facebook invent the technology to de-tag a picture before it’s even put up on Facebook?

But you know what? Despite all my complaints (and inevitable backlash from my roommate who will state for a fact that kettle corn is just as spicy as wasabi), I can never turn down an invite. Because although I clearly suffer from group-dinner-anxiety, I have a much larger case of feeling-left-out-when-everyone-talks-about-inside-jokes-from-the-dinner-for-the-next-6-years syndrome.

5651417 CommentsLife+After+College%3A+Group+Dinner+Hell2010-03-16+19%3A00%3A57Jenni+-+Syracuse on "Life After College: Group Dinner Hell"

Kate says:
Tue, 16th Mar 20109:26 am

haha so true

sn says:
Tue, 16th Mar 201010:59 am

Hahaha, great article. Very funny writer.

Nikki says:
Tue, 16th Mar 201011:42 am

"Right before I finish my lengthy monologue on the best fro-yo flavors, the bill arrives. Doomsday. The person who ordered the 9-course meal and 16 bottles of wine suggests splitting the bill evenly since everything pretty much cost the same. Except I’m always the person who orders chicken broth and a lettuce leaf to save money. So actually it’s not all equal. But I can’t say anything because then everyone stares at me like I’m being cheap for pointing out that I shouldn’t have to put in $50 when I only spent $7. And then the bill always comes up short despite everyone claiming they put in the right amount of money."

UMMM…YES!! I hate this!!!! I had a friend who was pretty wealthy and would always order the most expensive thing and bottles and bottles of wine…none of which I ever drank because at the time, I didn't enjoy red wine…I would order a salad and sip on water and when the bill came she was ALWAYS the first to suggest we split! The worst was when her bday came around, she'd pick the most expensive restaurant and then of course, it being her bday, no one would let her pay, but she'd always order anything she pleased. Fortunately, a few of my friends were also my coworkers, one being my supervisor who was pretty familiar with my financial situation and would always chip in extra for me, under the guise that "you helped me with such and such a project this week, it's my way of thanking you!" Which was nice, although I always felt bad about it. There were a few times I declined invites all together though and they said they'd rather have me there than not…but I definitely feel your pain. The same kinda thing always happens when you're out bar hopping in a big group and some people want to buy the whole group a round of shots……….good for you but that doesn't mean I can afford to buy 19 jager-bombs next round…always hated that!

RIKO says:
Tue, 16th Mar 20102:45 pm

I always hated these group dinners. I know exactly what you mean by sitting next to the one girl you don't like. OR the chick you don't even know! The worst is birthdays when you're forced to pay for the birthday girl even after going to this stupid expensive restaurant and buying gifts and going to the movies. And of course you can't say no otherwise you're the cheapskate of the bunch.

Love this writer! she's hilarious!

leleesamurmur says:
Tue, 16th Mar 20103:12 pm

Great article! I laughed pretty hard. I love the part about the check. I HATE having to basically pay for other people's meals when all I got was a salad and water. Ask for separate tabs!

Also, I tend to be shy in large groups, even if I know everyone…past a certain point, a large group is just burdonsome! I think that 3-4 is the magic number when it comes to hanging out.

Karissa says:
Tue, 16th Mar 20104:27 pm

"They’re laughing, they’re crying, they’re pricking their fingers and becoming blood sisters. But my biggest contribution to their conversation is “What? I can’t hear what you’re saying down there. A pact? I want to be in on this pregnancy pact.”

So great! Loved every minute of this article, good work :]

Asra says:
Tue, 16th Mar 20107:25 pm

i really rarely take the time to comment articles but i really enjoyed this one! really funny and i hope you start writing on here more!

D, says:
Thu, 18th Mar 20109:06 am

I avoid group anythings just for this reason. It's hard to bond with so many people around, it just ends up being a giant mess. I've learned to ignore the inside jokes, but I do feel left out soometimes

kaley (icanseetoday. says:
Thu, 18th Mar 20102:46 pm

HAAAA

YOU ARE HILARIOUS!

how about the girl who doesnt bring cash and only has her credit card? she pouts and says "i forgot to go to the atm" and expects everyone to have answers!

or the one who goes "well, i only spent like three dollars so you can just pay for me"

….OR the one who donates like 5 cents to the tip

love my girlsss. UGH

Jennifer says:
Fri, 19th Mar 20109:47 am

This is why I follow the 4 person per group rule. 4 people can make a decision to do the same thing and usually you can split the check at the restaurant.

Shar says:
Fri, 19th Mar 201011:47 am

This could very well be your funniest blog yet. Laughed out loud for several minutes inbetween lines – it took me 25 minutes to get through the whole thing.

"And once everyone finally settles on a Mexican place, my roommate claims that the water there is too spicy."

Your roommate sounds like a bad dream. Can't you sneak out without her?

So many funny aspects to this situation and all of them spot on!

Ally says:
Fri, 19th Mar 20108:47 pm

I laughed for a good 10 minutes at this, no joke.

the violator says:
Mon, 22nd Mar 20104:25 pm

here is a great solution to not having to pay for the person or people who love to order up a frenzy of expense at these gigs:

tell the waiter/waitress you want a seperate check. it works. no more paying for all that crimally over-priced wine and other crap. pay for what YOU get and not waste you cash on others fanciful wants.

Lauren says:
Tue, 23rd Mar 20107:19 am

This was great! So funny and soo true!

brandi says:
Wed, 31st Mar 20109:38 am

You must have been thinking of me when you wrote this. I completely agree.

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