Romantically Challenged

March 18, 2010     Posted in Relationships

Ew.

I think I may have a serious problem, and I don’t think I am the only woman to have it.


By Kim

No, I’m not pregnant. No, I don’t have any sort of STI.

I am just romantically challenged.

I literally repel romance. For some reason, if a guy comes around with flowers, or gushy text messages with emo lyrics, or, heaven forbid, shares his feelings, I don’t know how to react. I’m either shocked, freaked out, or just plain confused.

One of my ex’s is a guitar player and I loved going to his shows around town. All was good and fine when I was just a common spectator enjoying his music. But when he wrote a song for me and played it for me, I thought I was in a bad-romance-novel-turned-even-worse-movie that would never end. I didn’t know where to look or put my hands. Should I smile? Do I fake a tear? Do I saw awww while he continues to strum away on the guitar and spew out lyrics about love? I had my own personal Jack Johnson and was turned off by him.

But why? Shouldn’t I be happy, joyous, or even giddy? Doesn’t every girl want a boy to bring her flowers for no reason and tell her how he feels?

Well, the idea of it sounds wonderful to me, but in reality it kinda makes me queasy. I mean, why do we have to hold hands all the damn time?

I think women today, including me, are simply desensitized by romance. Many women are just products of our generation of technology, instant gratification, and too many romantic comedies. Maybe I’m romantically challenged because I am so accustomed to the anti-romantic relationships of today where Facebook messages replace phone calls, text messages replace love letters, and hooking-up replaces dates.

There is no more courting in college – where you truly get to know a guy before hooking up, where he pursues you without expectations, and is honest about his romantic intentions. Ok, so maybe there is some, but certainly not enough. And maybe never experiencing it is what makes it so weird when we do.

This is not to say that it is simply the fault of today’s boys out there for my total romance intolerance. I am just as responsible. I am just as eager to hook up with a guy before I really know him, or chug beers with him at frat parties and drunkenly stumble into his room. Of course I am romantically challenged – I’m not giving any guys a chance to be romantic. And so many of us college ladies are the same way.

Are we setting our expectations low so its easier for guys to impress us? Have most guys evolved past the point of flowers or romance so that when once in a blue moon a guy is romantic it’s considered creepy?

I don’t know the answers to most of those questions, but I do know that maybe a flower or two from a cute boy is okay. And maybe I should try to be more romantic with myself and wait a while before pouncing on a guy, giving him the chance to court me.

12 Comments on "Romantically Challenged"

  1. Jennifer says:
    Thu, 18th Mar 201012:03 pm 

    I do the exact same thing. I hate being called baby within the first date…. I agree that the whole courting idea has been thrown out the window, but at the same time it is very hard to resist hooking up right away when it's right there in front of you. This is something I also try to work on when seeing someone is to not give up anything too quickly… takes a LOT of will power :/

  2. Erich says:
    Thu, 18th Mar 20101:41 pm 

    I think that woman should make guys work for it. Sorry, I love a piece of ass just as much as the next guy, but I try a lot harder and enjoy it so much more, when I have to put in max effort, like I'm going for the gold.

  3. criolle johnny says:
    Thu, 18th Mar 20103:12 pm 

    instant gratification

    That just might be the problem. Americans just do not like to wait.

    For any damn thing.

    We invented television so we'd have instant entertainment. We were not happy with that because it took three minutes to warm it up. No, REALLY, used to take time to warm up, so now they have standby features that suck electricity even when you don't have them turned on. Now you don't have to W-A-I-T.

    Why do you think we invented microwave ovens? Because ELECTRIC stoves weren't fast enough! Instant food.

    Have you ever read the owners manual of your car? It tells you to warm up the engine for a minute before you drive. Have you EVER warmed the engine before driving?

    We don't wait for shit, literally. We invented laxatives! Instant movement.

    Watch every commercial on TV and it shows how to do SOMETHING faster.

    We invented singles bars. Instant relationships.

    We invented "no-fault" divorce. Instant separation.

    Some . Things . Take . Time .

    Building the bonds of a lifetime, takes a lifetime. You're not gonna do it over the weekend or a semester.

    Microwaves and laxatives won't fix that.

    Bright Blessings

  4. Madison says:
    Thu, 18th Mar 20105:23 pm 

    I completely understand everything you said. I like having a boyfriend and someone there for me but I don't want someone attached at my hip. I think poems and songs are awkward and when I say I don't want to do anything for valentines day, I'm like the only girl on the planet who means it. I just hate gushy romantic cliches!

  5. Chelsea says:
    Thu, 18th Mar 20106:02 pm 

    i'm romantically challenged too! i have a great boyfriend who is constantly saying or texting things like "hello cutie!" and "i love you beautiful" and for most girls this would be heaven…but for some reason it makes me feel awkward. i feel the same way about him but i'm just not good at expressing my feelings or talking about these kind of things. why is it so awkward for us? i always thought i was the only one. is it so shocking to us that a nice guy actually likes us and treats us right?

  6. Starr says:
    Thu, 18th Mar 20108:12 pm 

    I have this problem. I always thought it was because I was brought up to believe "big girls don't get emotional". It's nice to know other females have this problem too

  7. Ellie says:
    Sat, 20th Mar 20106:30 am 

    I've had this problem, as well–with guys I'm not really that into. Maybe you should look a little closer at your relationship. Do you really like the guy?

    I think another problem that girls have is that they aren't accustomed to receiving that type of attention. Maybe you feel like you don't deserve it, even though everyone does! We all know that girls in the US have terrible self esteem.

  8. shira says:
    Sun, 21st Mar 20105:42 am 

    Ellie, you're so riight. Maybe we dont really like the guy, so every sweet thing he does makes us feel queasy. Plus guilty. I bet I would feel differently if it was someone i'm really into.

  9. criolle says:
    Fri, 26th Mar 20108:14 am 

    Ellie: "We all know that girls in the US have terrible self esteem."

    You're not listening to the guys.

  10. liz says:
    Sun, 27th Jun 20106:44 am 

    I have the same problem, and I honestly think its because having a guy do all those cutesy and romantic things makes it uneven, which in turn makes me nervous because i feel like i should give something back. This would be alright if women were expected to do things like give flowers and pay for meals but no – lets not kid ourselves – when courted women are expected to put out. So what are you to do when a relationship is started based on courting and going on cheesy romantic dates?? Are you suppose to let him touch you. Its all very uncomfortable. I think women lost their footing because male courting has not changed but the behavior of women when being courted has changed so drastically over the centuries. What are we to do??

Tell us what you're thinking...