Is Sending the First Text the Right Move?

March 21, 2010 3:00 pm     Posted in Advice, Relationships  Jackie - Delaware g+ page

angrytext

"WHY DID HE PUT A PERIOD AT THE END?!??!"

When our mothers were single ladies, courtship had a very different feel. If they met the man of their dreams, it meant they were chained to the house phone for the next week – waiting for Mr. Right to call. Today, cell phones have granted us the gift of mobility. While women may not be able to shake that desperate feeling, they can at least carry it with them to the mall or out with friends. The real benefit of cell phones, however, is text messaging.


By Jackie

In my experience, text messaging has been a blessing and a curse for relationships. Sure, you can edit and tweak everything you say before you say it. You can read messages and chose how and when to respond.  You can even save conversations to replay and re-analyze over and over again (a practice I am wayyyy to familiar with). On the down side, the informality of text messaging has blurred the “rules” of who makes the first move.

I have always been a very strong believer in the idea that the guy should text the girl first. As embarrassing as this is, I had to fight the urge to become a fan of “I’m The Girl. You’re The Boy. You Text Me First Or We Don’t Talk Today” on Facebook (which, by the way, has over one million fans). However, I don’t know if my phone’s contact list would agree with me. Scrolling down, it’s easy to spot the “John – bar,”  “Mike – hockey team,” and “Ryan – tall kid.” These are the names of boys who I’ve met, exchanged numbers with, and never spoke to again. Instead of seeing the light of the inbox, these boys are permanently sentenced to “never-contact-land” and “look-the-other-way-when-I-pass-you-ville.”

Recently, there has been much debate over the rights to the send button among my friends and myself. While some stand by my rule, others aren’t afraid to be aggressive and use the sent box to its full potential. We accused each other of being either too prude or too forward, until my one friend proposed her method.

Her strategy? “If I like them, I’ll text them first – like, right after I meet them so they know I’m interested. When I first met Joe (her current boyfriend), I got his number and texted him saying ‘you’re pretty lame for leaving that party… I wish you would have stayed.’”

At first, I dismissed it right away. It takes an internal debate and approval from all of my roommates just for me to IM a boy I like; this was clearly way too forward. But then I realized two things: 1. I am crazy. 2. This actually might work.

First of all, if you meet this guy on a night out, you’re probably at least tipsy; aka anything you do/say/text is excusable. Secondly, you just met him – it’s not like it’s the next day and you’re still thinking about him. Third, it lets him know you are interested. (Often, I forget it’s called “hard-to-get” and think it’s called “impossible-to-get.” The truth is, no mentally stable guy will pursue something that’s 100% unattainable.) Fourth, it lets him think that if he had stayed, he would have gotten a little somethin’somethin’ from you. If you’re me, that’s definitely not the case – but it should at least make him realize that he missed the opportunity… which means he’ll be interested in seeing you again.

Could I have been wrong all along? Is this the ideal solution? It certainly has credibility – she’s the one with the Facebook-official relationship. Looking at the way I play the “love game,” I can’t help but feel like my ways and beliefs contradict. I consider myself an advocate of woman’s rights and gender equality, yet I always find myself waiting around for the man to decide the path of the relationship. Perhaps I have misjudged. It’s 2010, technology has been revolutionized and so has flirting.

I have yet to try out my new perspective, but I’m eagerly awaiting the next digits I receive. Who knows… maybe “Andrew – Hottie from the club” might turn into an “Andy – boyfrienddd<3″.

For more tips on practicing safe text, check out the book “Flirtexting“!

23 Comments on "Is Sending the First Text the Right Move?"

  1. lastnightsdish says:
    Sun, 21st Mar 201010:44 am 

    I say do it. Why not? The outcome is either

    a) he's also interested and will be delighted by your text or b) he's not interested and will be flattered by your text.

    What is with our generation of women and the inability to let go of this prepubescent fear of having someone know you "like them"? I just don't get it.

    My modus operandi when it comes to first texting is if I am into a guy and I have his number, I do it, plain and simple. Usually not the SAME NIGHT (that seems a little too eager) but the next day or one later I have no problems throwing out a "Hey, nice to meet you the other night. We should hang out sometime" text. If I don't hear back, whatev. His loss – I will probably hear back from one of the others :)

  2. criolle johnny says:
    Sun, 21st Mar 20104:19 pm 

    It puts the burden on him to return contact! If he's interested, the contact will reflect that. She just gave him an opening. It's high tech dropping a hankie.

    You could send a "checking to be sure this was the right number" message. Anything light-hearted and non-committal becomes electronic flirting.

    She's using today's technology to do what women have done for millennial. I like it. If only she could find some way to send perfume …

  3. textflirt says:
    Sun, 21st Mar 20107:10 pm 

    That was great advice!! I always find myself in this dilemma! Your post was great advice, why didn't I think of that before? Text him, right after, harmless fun =) I want to see more of your writing- thanks girl!

  4. Martin Li says:
    Tue, 23rd Mar 20108:26 am 

    I like this. You should read my Blogs… :D

  5. AJ says:
    Wed, 31st Mar 20109:12 am 

    That was just… the dumbest thing I've ever read. You are putting entirely too much thought into this. How about you not target every guy you meet as Potentially The One, but as some guy you just met that you could be friends with? YOU GUYS MET AND EXCHANGED NUMBERS, IT'S NOT LIKE YOU GUYS WENT ON 5 DATES. You don't even KNOW these guys! Seriously, put themselves in their shoes. Let's say you meet a girl who seems like a cool person (yes, I know you're a girl too, it just proves my point that much more), and you two decide you should hang out sometime, and then proceed to exchange numbers. You forget, not because you didn't like her or anything, but because you got busy and figured you'd see her around sometime. Now, how weirded out would you be to find out this girl was secretly obsessing over whether to text you first or not and was mad at you for not texting her first?

    Not every guy is your potential boyfriend. Take some pressure off him and yourself, if nothing else, it'll at least neutralize the stench of quiet desperation emanating from you.

  6. L says:
    Wed, 31st Mar 20106:29 pm 

    great article :)

    I know how it feels exactly.

    In fact, I'm also a fan of that page. haha

    I just might try this next time

  7. N says:
    Wed, 11th Aug 20103:42 am 

    I exchange numbers with a lot of guys at partys but I usually let them do the texting first because I'm not that attracted to them. But one day I was at a party and I met this guy I had instant chemistry with, we exchanged numbers and I decided with a bit of pushing from my friends to text him first. Two weeks and a few dates later, we became a couple. Now one and a half years later, we're still a couple. It definitely paid off to text him first!

  8. Christina says:
    Mon, 23rd Aug 20105:47 pm 

    My sister is pissed of because her boyfriend Blas was texting me not her, I texted him first thats the only reason he replied. & if she really wanted to text him she would text him.. I think. but they was texting earlier and he randomly quit texting her and me and now she like THE GUY IS SUPPOSE TA TEXT THE GIRL!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOSH!

  9. Lexie says:
    Mon, 23rd Aug 20105:50 pm 

    THE GUY SHOULD TEXT THE GIRL FRIST!..

  10. technosugar says:
    Tue, 11th Jan 20115:46 am 

    How about nixing texting altogether. There are some girls who don't even think him texting first is good enough.

  11. breerezzzy says:
    Mon, 14th Mar 20112:59 am 

    i text first if im that interested. if im not then ill wait. if im borderline, it depends what kind of mood im in. sometimes i may not be interested at all and i still text first. the rules mean nothing to me. just my pride :]
    and sometimes i suck it up and take the risk.
    not all guy will be equally as interested but quit being a lame ass and just try.
    if hes not right then oh well shit happens. but if he is ;] you'll hella happy and proud of yourself.
    so just go with what feels right.

  12. wahid says:
    Sun, 10th Jul 20116:36 pm 

    this is true i love lauren marutscello

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    Tue, 26th Jul 20113:10 am 

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  15. Strellson Fans says:
    Fri, 4th Nov 20111:02 pm 

    I think it really depends how much you like him, if you like then sent the message first, there is nothing to loose…

  16. Wing Tsun Halle says:
    Mon, 26th Dec 20115:37 am 

    I think it depends. If you really like the guy, then you can also send the first message. If you are unsure, then let him do the first step.

  17. reiselisa says:
    Wed, 26th Sep 201212:28 pm 

    Sometimes it is, but not very often…

  18. Lisa says:
    Wed, 26th Sep 201212:30 pm 

    I think it depends on the guy, sometimes it is, sometimes not…

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