The 5 Annoying People You’ll Meet After Spring Break

‚ By 

Uh, we're not in Acapulco anymore, dude.

By the time Spring Break draws to an end, you’re actually looking forward to going back to school, either because you’ve had about as much family time as you can handle, you’re starting to realize just how much money you’ve spent, or you just really miss your besties/$1 slices at 2am/late night episodes of Chelsea Lately on the couch.

But while you may be looking forward to seeing your friends, getting back to your favorite professor’s lecture, and maybe even that cute guy you were flirting with before the break, I guarantee you’ve forgotten about the other people you’ll be forced to deal with. The uber annoying ones who always pop up after our beloved break.

Here are the worst 5 people you’ll run into after Spring Break. Avoid them at all costs if you want to retain any of the serenity you gained during your time off:

Super Tan
Good for you, you went to Cancun for Spring Break and spent all day lying out in the sun baking yourself. We can see the un-natural, leathery color and texture your skin has taken on since before the break, thanks to the all-white wardrobe you’ve sported since coming back/that watch tan line that you are obviously waving in my face as you roll up your sleeves in class. Congrats, but I don’t care. Nor do I care to hear your totally unfunny remarks about how I’m so pale and my “legs match your brand new white sweatshirt from the awesome resort you stayed at.”

The One Who’s Not Over It
Spring Break is fun, obviously. MTV wouldn’t devote a week to covering it if it were boring and uneventful. But it happens, you enjoy yourself and then it’s over. Normal people move on, get back to school and spend their nights at the library giggling to themselves as they flip through the photos in everyone’s FB albums. And not-so-normal people, like this guy/girl, just move the Spring Break to campus, partying every night, dancing on bars, taking body shots off of creepy old people, hooking up with randoms and hitting the tanning beds by day to keep up that Cancun glow. It’s over, dude. Put down the Corona and help me with this Anthro project.

The Bragger
Their Spring Break was epic, the best ever, and way better than yours (no matter what you did). They got drunker, partied harder, tanned longer, laughed more and had more fun than you will ever know. You got a fun story to share? They’ve got one to top it. And you’ll hear it again and again and again. And each time, things will get bigger, crazier, more expensive, etc. And while that streaking story was funny the first time around (I mean, streaking is funny), it gets old after the 12th re-tell.

The Loser Who Just Lost His Virginity And Now Thinks He’s God’s Gift To Women
We all know this guy, the really awkward guy who never has any luck with girls. Well, somehow, he managed to find some girl on his Carnival Cruise who was drunk enough actually willing to sleep with him, and now he thinks he’s some sort of sex god. He somehow manages to bring every conversation back to his “crazy sex” with “the super hot Latin chick,” whether you’re talking about your Spring Break booty or the giant Philosophy exam you’ve got next Tuesday. (Note: while less common, this also applies to women as well. Little girl goes away a virgin, finds some muscley guy from ASU and suddenly knows all there is to know about sex. And for the next two weeks, every statement of hers begins with “Well, when we tried it ______ style….”)

Hair Braider
Really? People still do this?

Comments