Once A Cheater…

April 3, 2010 1:00 pm     Posted in Reality, Relationships  Anonymous g+ page

Once upon a time in the magical world of high school, I had a boyfriend. And I cheated on him.


By Anonymous

WAIT.
Before you start hating, give me a chance and hear me out. . . I know it was a sh*tty thing to do and I’m kind of a sh*tty person, but I can explain!

I had just turned eighteen, and was in the “I’m sooo over this” phase of my senior year in high school. Everything around me was boring: parents, school, my house, sometimes even my friends— even the prospect of prom season was boring me to tears. You’d think I would be excited for prom, since I had a boyfriend that I’d been with for about four months. But this boyfriend (we’ll call him Jay) wasn’t exactly the tastiest morsel in the bag of Nestle Tollhouse chocolate chips.

My parents hated Jay, of course, but since I was in that bored-and-rebellious phase, that fact only solidified my “love” for him. He was two years older than me and his days consisted of taking bong hits, watching TV, and playing guitar in his “metal band” (I know, wow.). We had an extremely close relationship and I considered him as much my friend as my boyfriend, but he slowly started to get increasingly possessive and verbally abusive. For instance, he yelled at me when I chose to spend my birthday evening with my friends instead of him, and then proceeded to ruin my night by calling me repeatedly for hours on end. Whenever I tried to end it, he wouldn’t let me. He even came to my high school one day to make sure I wasn’t talking to other guys behind his back. (Seriously, wow.) Our relationship became a prison that I just couldn’t break out of no matter how many times I tried.

I met this guy Devin through some mutual friends and we started eating lunch together every day. He became my outlet for all my frustrations when my friends got tired of listening to me complain about Jay. I found myself thinking about Devin before I fell asleep at night and checking myself in the mirror before lunch to make sure I looked alright before I saw him. As each day passed, I found Devin getting hotter as Jay became more physically repulsive to me.

One night in spring when the weather started to get warm, Devin and I decided to take a walk through our town. Seeing him outside of school really made me see him in a whole new light, and the entire night I found myself staring at his full lips, and biting my own to keep from kissing them. I knew I was in trouble when we ended up at his house, sitting on his back step and listening to the crickets. I knew what was about to happen, except that I was still an inmate in Boyfriend Prison and I was completely conscious of how wrong it was

We were chatting about something insignificant, and it was as if there was a magnetic force pulling our faces together, so slowly that we didn’t notice until we could feel each other’s breath. Mid-sentence, we fell into this frantic, passionate kiss that is seriously up there on my Best Kisses Ever List. I really did think about Jay for a split-second right after my lips touched Devin’s, but I was thinking about how horribly he had treated me.

A million thoughts were going through my head, but it was hard to keep them all straight or even to remember where I was. The combination of feeling so good and yet so guilty was almost intoxicating. I felt torn in half, as if I was somehow getting back at Jay for how he was negatively affecting my life, but still feeling bad for betraying him. But with each minute that Devin and I kept kissing (up against his back door—HOT!), all thoughts of Jay melted away and I just felt elated that I wasn’t with him. I was free from him in this moment.

I was free from everything and everyone, because I was making this choice by myself. I felt as if it was the first decision of my adult life. Sure, it was a mistake, but it was my mistake. Looking back, I don’t regret cheating.  It allowed me to finally break up with Jay for good and get my personal life back on track. I learned how easy it is to cheat;  how it is the easy (and kind of fun) thing to do in a HARD situation. But I’m glad I got it out of my system when I did – I haven’t cheated since then and I don’t plan on doing it again.

When the day comes that I get cheated on (karma’s a bitch), I’m sure I’ll have a different take on this whole issue. But that article’s for another time…

25 Comments on "Once A Cheater…"

  1. swissknifev says:
    Sat, 3rd Apr 20109:02 am 

    It had to happen from the way the story went. That's why I never get possessive about women. It's shitty to be cold and indifferent but I am safe.That's why i like a multi-relationship, for me, for her. If one goes bust you have another bulb running. Each bulb has a fixed time to shine on a person before the lights turn elsewhere. That way bulbs rotate and everyone's happy. This monoganmous relationship is an ancient disaster. That's why marriages flop. Boredom.The sooner we get rid of it the better. Multi-choice strategy allows ruthless cut offs. And that's really peaceful. I learned this strategy after suffering like Jay.

  2. Madison says:
    Sat, 3rd Apr 20109:21 am 

    I cheated once too. It was the summer between my junior and senior year of high school and I had been dating this guy for four or five months and he was the worlds shittiest boyfriend. He never hit me or even verbally abused me but he was just never there. He was always getting high with his friends and like the author, part of me loved that because my parents hated it, but most of the time it was just annoying. When we went out on dates I paid for myself (or both of us) all the time. He constantly blew my off and then got mad at me when I got mad at him. And it was just months and months of him ignoring me. Then he forgot my birthday. And I cheated that night at the party he didn't bother to show up for. Do I feel bad? Nope.

  3. Lacey says:
    Sat, 3rd Apr 201010:42 am 

    I really dont believe the phrase "once and cheater, always a cheater" because every relationship is differant. I cheated on a guy I dated back when I was 16, but not once have I even thought to cheat on my once boyfriend/now husband who Im with now. Every relationship is differant and usually you know when its over before you even think of the idea of breaking up.

  4. Christy says:
    Sat, 3rd Apr 20108:40 pm 

    I am so glad there are other people this has happened too.. although mine has a slight twist.

    Happened almost the same way, my boyfriend was very possessive but at the same time, we started to grow apart although I tried not to. He was my first real relationship, and we had been dating for about 3 years. We used to talk on the phone every day, to me phoning him with him saying "can't talk, I'm out with friends" who also happened to be my friends, he just didn't want me to join the group. This happened so often that I would talk to him once every two weeks or so. I know I should have broken it off a lot earlier, but I was scared and didn't know what would happen if I wasn't in a relationship anymore with him.

    Then, basically everything that was in the article.

    I had a serious chat with my boyfriend after that. He realized what was going wrong in our relationship, and agreed that he needed to get his priorities straight and that he would change back to how he was, and he did. We're still together, 2 years later, and our relationship is wonderful. He knows me and my friend (not close to anymore) were close at the time, but not of the cheating.

    I agree with the author, it gave me the balls to actually think seriously about our relationship, about myself as a woman, and become more independent. I don't have issues anymore with going to a movie with some friends, or going to a work party. Because of my infidelities, my relationship is better, my outlook on life is better, and I can take care of myself.

    Not that that means I don't think back on it sometimes and want to throw up, it still disgusts me. But hey, sometimes that happens.

  5. Kat says:
    Sun, 4th Apr 20102:44 am 

    I cheated on someone once. He was the first person I ever got into a really serious relationship with. Before, in middle school, I’d had a couple of minor flings with some guys I’d met.. but they were really just friends.

    The guy I cheated on, though, I’d cared about for about three years prior to dating him. It started out as just being friends- then really, good friends- almost like family.. then I realized I had been fallin’ for him. However, he wouldn’t have anything to do with dating me because of his history and cuz he felt he wasn’t ready for a relationship. So, I dropped it- I backed off and brushed it off- we went back to how things had been before.

    So, he started seeing other girls, and he’d tell me about each of the dates. They all were bust, and even though I felt that bit of jealousy, I choked it down. One Thanksgiving, he invited me over to eat with his family. I stayed at his house for a week, since we lived in diff. states. This was in 2008- on the last day there, he asked me out- thanked me for waiting for him, said he was willing to try- and that he realized that we’d just be..accepting what we already had.

    To give a lil flavor, I’d like to say that I’ve never felt anything so strongly as my..affection for him. Although I didn’t wanna do anything sexual, and he accepted that- I’ve never found anything like what we had, ‘cept with him. I wouldn’t call it romantic, or sweet, or cute. It left me with a feeling like my feet were planted firmly in the ground and I was breathless..and cold with shock. I dunno what to call it.

    There were no illusions, except when I got involved with one of his friends. I have mixed feelings about it, since it’s been a year. I’ve been told I am both awful, and that I did what I thought was right. I was told it wasn’t really cheating since my bf (the guy I left him for) and I weren’t involved until I broke up with him.. but.. I still feel as though the mere fact that there were feelings and we accepted them- talked about them- even while trying to find a solution- was a betrayal of his trust.

    It’s irrational, it’s strange. The man I cheated on did nothing wrong, in fact, he’s a great person and he’s still my friend. I shouldn’t still be bothered by this. Though like you said so well- Karma is a bitch.

  6. swissknifev says:
    Sun, 4th Apr 20105:13 am 

    Cheating is lousy. It backfires. You break a trust and YOU'VE HAD IT IN LIFE. It gets you somewhere, sometime, some place with some one. Believe me you get the shit that you do -ten times.

  7. Mollination says:
    Sun, 4th Apr 20104:10 pm 

    I emotionally cheated once. I was 16 – and to be fair, I stayed with the guy I was "cheating" with for 4 years and we still think we'll get back together down the road some day. I did the classic "let's try a break" with my boyfriend at 16 y/o and that night I finally kissed this cheating-accomplice-soon-to-be-4-year-boyfriend and for some reason it still felt like cheating.

    Cheating *is* always a different story for everyone.

  8. heins says:
    Mon, 5th Apr 201010:38 am 

    I was cheated on once. I am a good boyfriend, she couldnt handle the distance, but could not break up with me either.

    Thats a way to end a 2 year relationship. Being cheated on really hurts – just dont do it.

  9. Erich says:
    Wed, 7th Apr 20109:31 am 

    You cant sheet @ 16. that is ridiculuos. 16 you dont even know where you are in life.

  10. heins says:
    Wed, 7th Apr 20101:16 pm 

    @Erich

    of course you can cheat when you're 16 years old….

    you can also write cheat correctly

  11. Erich says:
    Wed, 7th Apr 20101:22 pm 

    @ heins– yes, sometimes I get a little carried away and start typing without really paying any attention. My point was that when you are sixteen, you havent been in a relationship long enough to really say you cheated. Please understand I am not talking about time, I am talking about age here. You cant be so seriously in love with someone @ such an age. You might think you are, but the reality is that you have no clue @ 16 WTF is really going on. Yes, you do know right from wrong, but it's not like you're married or engaged and chances are, you have been HS dating for 2-4 months. GTFOH.

  12. Claudi says:
    Wed, 7th Apr 201010:09 pm 

    Ive cheated before and I felt horrible because I hurt two people at the same time. Its something I would never do again.

  13. Tay says:
    Wed, 7th Apr 201011:16 pm 

    @erich — You don't have to be "so seriously in love with someone" to be able to cheat on them. Even if you don't know who you are at the age of 16, you can still be in a relationship with someone else. In fact, getting into a relationship can be a big part of discovering yourself.

    Cheating is being unfaithful in that relationship. It doesn't matter how developed you are as a person…

    Also, while it is true that at 16, you're still growing as a person, I wouldn't say that it's not possible to be in love with someone at that age. I fell in love for the first time when I was 16. I'm much older than 16 now and I'm confident that I know who I am, but I still believe that I was truly in love when I was 16.

  14. Donna Balmer says:
    Thu, 8th Apr 20105:24 am 

    I too cheated, 3 times to be exact…lost out on a 5 yr relationship, a 3yr marriage and a 9 yr. marriage, but I've been married now for 25 yrs…guess I was never really in love at all…During this marriage, I've never even looked at another guy…go figure

  15. Anonymous says:
    Thu, 8th Apr 20105:34 am 

    @Erich-I'm still with the person I fell in love with at 16, so it is not fair to say that someone cannot fall in love at a young age. You may have seen relationships where the couple is young and are delusional and think they are soul mates, and so on, I know I've seen those too. But not all relationships are like that. Sometimes the couple is mature enough to actually know what love is. Love is truly a tricky thing to explain, and in some ways, to understand.

  16. Erich says:
    Thu, 8th Apr 20109:06 am 

    @ Anonymous– your situation is not the norm, and I was speaking of general population. I agree you dont have to be in love to be cheated on. I'm sure you are much older now as I am in my mid 30's. I know that most kids (I coach basketball HS) aren't mature enough nowadays to get the concept of love. I'm talking about kids in HS> Very few young couples (say 24-28)have I met, that I could honeslty say are truly in love and understand love. Of course everyone is going to be of a diff opinion as to what love is.

  17. Anonymous says:
    Thu, 8th Apr 201010:19 am 

    @Erich-Agreed

  18. Angie says:
    Thu, 8th Apr 201012:00 pm 

    I cheated once too. Although I was in a very abusive marriage. I wasn't allowed to do anything w/o permission, not even take a shower. Then one night it happened… he almost killed me. I put him in jail which lea to him going to prison. Once he was gone I felt free like a new person. I began to hang out with friends and one night I met up with an old friend. One thing led to another and in a few weeks I found myself in his bed. It only happened once, then he too got incarcerated and told my husband of the affair. Needless to say he wasn't mad because come to find out the whole time that we were together he had been cheating on me. I haven't done it since. He and I divorced and I am now engaged to be married. I wonder at times if it is going to come back and bite me with this relationship, and I have kind of made myself paranoid to it. I guess we'll see right?

  19. Anonymous says:
    Sat, 10th Apr 20103:16 pm 

    @Angie- I do not think that incident will come back to bite you. Your husband went to prison for threatening your life, and I think that what you did was part of moving on from an abusive relationship, which is more than just a typical affair.

  20. CUPID says:
    Sun, 11th Apr 201011:28 pm 

    HEINZ….YOUR ADVICE RE:CHEATING, JUST DON'T DO IT IS SUPER.

  21. lolipop says:
    Mon, 19th Apr 20109:38 pm 

    I dated my boyfriend for 4 years! i am now 20! so we dated when i was only 16..we met at a friend's house! we only hang out like 1 week n we start dating! crazy right? but we're still together now! fights thur n here! but thas what makes the relationship stronger! he doesn't hit me or abusive me or telling me what to do! only thing is he doesn't really care that much! i put out alot i mean alot! i do everything for him im the one that call him all the time! i even find out that he was talkin to some other girls online! well basically he almost cheated on me! he even like to watch porn than having sex with me! sometimes idk y im still with this guy he doesn;t care for anything he's too lay back n lazy! i mean im not ugly! there other guys hit on me all the time! idk i put up with somethign like that! but does it mean cus i was young n doesn;t know much about love! now im just stuck! but cheating is bad i know i could hurt him! but its feel like i need to do it so i can feel better for what he did to me! advice?

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