The Weekly Ten: I’m Addicted

By Noa

I always knew I had an addictive personality. To be fair, though, for awhile I thought that meant that other people were addicted to my personality: my sense of humor, my charming ways, my gift giving skills… But then I got to college, smoked my first cigarette outside of a frat party and quickly learned that:

A) There are some people who don’t find me charming
B) Cigarettes are delightful when you’re drinking

But despite all the bad things about cigarettes and the fact that I now have to stand in the rain to smoke them because they’re illegal indoors, that addiction might actually be the least of my problems. So let me share my 10 worst addictions that might be worthy of an A&E Intervention.

10. The Real Housewives
It’s bad enough that I DVR every episode of every season and know more about these catty women than I do about foreign policy. But the real problem is that I hate them – every single one of them – and watching them makes me so angry I want to reach through my TV and throttle them. But since I can’t choke Ramona, I end up indulging in a row of Oreos to ease my anxiety. But do I stop watching? No. I can’t. And I also can’t curb my excitement for the newest cast in D.C.

9. Coffee
It’s gotten to the point that I can’t even go to the gym without having at least one Grande Americano first. I’ll even make a Starbucks run at 9 p.m. on a Thursday just to make it through my weekly dose of #10. And then I’ll pass out at 10 p.m.

8. Driving Fast
Three speeding tickets in 3 months, plus one situation where I got pulled over and flirted my way out of another? Yes, that’s me!

7. Email
The first thing I do when my alarm goes off in the morning is turn on my iPhone and check my email. And then I continue to check it obsessively throughout the day. It’s not like there’s anything really important coming through that requires me to check every 11 minutes (well, after I’ve read my RueLala specials), but I can’t stop. Not even when I’m doin’ a little #8 (don’t tell Oprah!) or a little #2 (in the bathroom…not the one on this list.)

6. Eyebrow waxing
Based on the way my eyebrows grow in, I’m pretty sure I’m a distant cousin of Chewbacca. I swear, if I think about it hard enough I can make my brows grow back in a minute. I’ve become addicted to keeping them perfect and my weekly appointments give me a high similar to the one I get after a really good workout.

5. Kashi Go Lean Crunch
It’s healthy and tasty and I’ll eat it with anything from cereal to ice cream. But it also has some foul smelling side effects. Needless to say, it’s my friends that have the biggest issue with this particular addiction.

4. Late night food
No matter how hard I try, I can’t come home from a night out without eating something greasy, disgusting and totally unhealthy. And trust me, I’ve tried. I once forced myself to go to bed without food, passed out for an hour, then got up and ordered a pizza.

3. Judging People
Not all people – just the ones that deserve it. Like men with mullets, girls who wear stripper shoes, the women who go on The Bachelor, the annoying kid who always asks a million questions in class and makes class run over every. single. week, frat boys who still pop their collars, girls who wear Bump Its…. OK, maybe everyone.

2. Making Lists
I’ve got a list for everything: homework, my sexual history, packing, phone calls to make, emails to send, things I want to buy, people I hate, this very article….

1. Making Out
Everyone loves a great makeout session, but I can’t seem to live without them. Good or bad. Or, in the case of last weekend, so bad I had to stop in the middle and chug another beer before I could even consider sucking face with that mustachioed creepy guy again.