Life After College: Burnt and Crispy

April 6, 2010 2:00 pm     Posted in ClickedOut, Entertainment, HaHa, Reality  Jenni - Syracuse g+ page

Sunbathing is not my friend

The sun and I have been having an ongoing battle for as long as I can remember. I’m all, like, “please make me so brown that no one can tell my original race,” and the sun is all, like, “I’m going to fry you until people mistake you for an over-sized lobster.” (I should also mention at this point that I was born with claws and a meaty tail.)


By Jenni

It’s not like I haven’t tried to compromise with the sun. I mean I’ve gone as far as to wear SPF 90 on any days when the forecast gives less than a 100 percent chance of rain. I walk on the shady side of the street on the way to work and I always wear white t-shirts on all the slides at the water parks. All I’m asking for in return is a 3-month hiatus from my lifelong case of albino-ism.

This past weekend was the first really nice weekend in New York City. It was around 70, which meant that I was trading in my boots for flats. And unfortunately for my eyes, it meant the tourists were trading in their I LOVE NY shirts for ill-fitting rompers and aqua socks. I, being the perpetual optimist (that was my middle school screen name, perpetualoptimist69), applied my facial sunscreen, grabbed a blanket, and headed for the park in an attempt to tan.

I left the park 6 hours later looking like I let a drunken 4-year old apply sunscreen to me. I didn’t just burn. I burnt in patches and splotches and geometric shapes. In a neat turn of events, I’m pretty sure there’s a 666 burnt into the back of my thigh right now. But I can’t be sure because my neck is too burnt to turn around and look. 7 of my fingers are burnt, half of my left calf is burnt, a 3 inch star on my forehead is burnt, and my knees are burnt. Needless to say, the sun was a little stronger than I realized.

And because my body rejects any attempts I make to look more attractive, I’m sure this burn will stay around for a while. And then, after it has ruined countless Facebook profile picture opportunities, it will fade into a tan that won’t go away until September. Which means I’ll have to spend my summer debating between wearing long pants or walking around with a multi-colored thigh. And considering I’m not Michael Jackson (although that would be quite the twist!), I’m not really into that look.

At the moment I’m banking on this new health care bill completely to fix this little problem I have with the sun. Maybe I’ve read it all wrong, but I vaguely recall page 1,107 saying something about “and all people will be attractively tan year round.”

15 Comments on "Life After College: Burnt and Crispy"

  1. Roberto says:
    Tue, 6th Apr 201011:36 am 

    man you are a really good writer

  2. Annie says:
    Tue, 6th Apr 201012:45 pm 

    a) don't go tanning for 6 hours your first day out!!

    b) Fake and Bake! after your burn turns into a tan, it will help even you out by tanning the paler sections. And if you do it in moderation its not remotely bad for you. Getting burnt is the part of tanning that causes cancer, and you don't get burnt at tanning salons therefore less damaging!

  3. ChelseyKelsey says:
    Tue, 6th Apr 20101:53 pm 

    I know exactly what you mean!

    I went to Miami for spring break. I wore sun screen all week and on the last day, for whatever reason, I burned.

    I have big splotches on both of my arms and the side of my face…

    it's pretty sweet.

    And I'm also going to be stuck like this until… at least September.

  4. Megan says:
    Tue, 6th Apr 20102:45 pm 

    I hear ya. I've been cursed with those northern European genes so I burn whenever I'm out in the sun for long periods of time. And my skin doesn't seem to produce any sort of melanin other than in the form of freckles. Although I love being outside in the sun, I use self-tanner in order to have some color. I definitely recommend that over 6 hours of laying out!

  5. L. says:
    Tue, 6th Apr 20102:53 pm 

    I have the same problem. That's why I don't lay out in the sun for hours. And I wear lots of sunscreen. You either need to use self-tanner or learn to love to your skin for the color it is.

  6. Katie says:
    Tue, 6th Apr 20103:19 pm 

    Actually, any color change in your skin is skin damage, which can lead to melanoma. The most amount of damage is caused by burning, but tanning still damages your skin. Tanning in a tanning bed is not at all good for you, and you can still get burnt. The WHO has classified tanning beds as carcinogenic for humans, meaning that tanning beds can cause cancer in humans.

    I am an exceptionally pale person myself, and went to Hawaii for Spring Break, while wearing spf 70 and still got burnt, so I know how you feel. Self-tanner is definitely the way to go…as long as it doesn't look orange.

  7. Jess. says:
    Tue, 6th Apr 20103:44 pm 

    I feel your pain. I've come to just embrace it. It's not pale, it's Ivory!! oooh!

    But I have to say, @Annie, it's not just the burning that can cause cancer! Any kind of tanning is skin damage. Tanning salons just use a different kind of UV ray that hits you deeper (that's how science works, right? :P )

  8. Jess. says:
    Tue, 6th Apr 20103:46 pm 

    oh and I see I'm a little late with that comment lol

  9. Erin says:
    Tue, 6th Apr 20104:33 pm 

    I cannot stress this word enough: REAPPLICATION! Seriously, whenever I remember to reapply sunscreen if I am going to be out in the sun for a long period of time, I get a perfect golden tan. No burning. Just every 2 hours or so, reapply whatever SPF you think is good for you, and you will definitely see a difference. Most people forget this step.

  10. Lynne says:
    Tue, 6th Apr 20105:19 pm 

    I know exactly how you feel. I am a redhead with blue eyes, pale skin, and freckles. I can get burned to a crisp in approximately 15 minutes.

    Neutrogena spray sunscreen 70 SPF is my savior.

  11. Karissa says:
    Tue, 6th Apr 20106:57 pm 

    Haha this post made me laugh, I know how you feel girl!

  12. Amanda says:
    Wed, 7th Apr 20108:40 am 

    you are a fantastic writer!

    i can relate to this article perfectly and i actually laughed out loud while reading it. keep up the good work yo!

  13. Jenna says:
    Wed, 7th Apr 20109:25 pm 

    Coming from a place that has practically NO ozone layer and having albino type skin myself I know how frustrating it can be to not tan, however you DO NOT stay in the sun for 6 HOURS!! Remember the line "Under a tree from 11 till 3" Also you should not stay out for more than 2 hours at a time and you should re aply every 2 hours and wait half an hour after applying to go back out into the sun. And also there are famous adds here in australia that use the catchphrase "there is nothing healthy about a tan" It shows a girl in a bikini then zooms into her skin showing the cancer cells multiplying, its very disturbing. In summary, use a fake tan or embrace your pale, 6 hours of sun baking is like being a pack a day smoker, maybe even worse.

  14. Kelly says:
    Sun, 11th Apr 20104:22 pm 

    It's refreshing to see a good number of the people commenting know that any tanning is bad for your skin! Sad but true. If your skin changes color, its a sign of damage. Self-tanning lotions all the way. Tanning beds are just as bad as laying out for 6 hours.

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