Sexy Time: Stop Faking It!

April 8, 2010 9:00 am     Posted in Sex  Ness g+ page

I learned about fake orgasms from The Simpsons. When I was a kid, I remember watching an episode in which Bart’s class was watching a sex-ed video. In the back of the class, smoking a cigarette, Mrs. Crabapple whispers under her breath “oh, she’s faking it.” Faking what, I didn’t really know at the time, and of course my sister replied to my questions with the standard “I’ll tell you when you’re older,” but it just took a little more whining and she told me everything.


By Ness

And who could forget Meg Ryan’s character in When Harry Met Sally producing the most infamous fake orgasm in movie history (if you haven’t seen it, you need to watch it now). In that scene, Sally proves she’s not only a great actress, but she also points out a rather sad but realistic fact  — “most women at one time or another have faked it.”

To do a little research for this article, I made my way over to Google and searched the simple term “faking it.” I was shocked –  there were at least 4 results on how to fake an orgasm, how to hide faking an orgasm, what it meant to fake an orgasm, and only one link on how to have an actual orgasm. And that was just the first page. Wait… what?

Allow me to let you in on a little secret: while we all have our reasons to fake it, if you want your partner to do what they need to do to make you have a real one, you have to stop faking your orgasms. Women get themselves into a vicious cycle once they fake it. It usually starts with good intentions because no one wants to hurt their partner’s feelings with the dreaded “I don’t think it’s going to happen.” So you fake it, everyone’s ego is intact, and you can carry on with your day. But here’s the problem – if your partner thinks they’re doing it right (right enough for you to finish) how will they know to change what they’re doing so you can actually get there? Well, that’s the thing, they won’t.

The biggest problem a lot of people have with their sex life is that they are afraid to communicate. As a woman, I know that we’re subliminally told that “nice girls” don’t ask for what they want in bed. There’s still a bit of 1950s mentality when it comes to women and sex, and that’s something that needs to change. If it’s not happening for you, talking to your partner about what you need is really the first step. Nicely, of course. Something along the lines of “hey, I saw this thing in a movie once and thought maybe we could try it…” or “I think (insert what you want here) would be really cool, let’s try it!”

So what if you’ve been faking it for three years and don’t know how to tell your partner? Well, that’s easy… don’t tell them. I know, I know, it sounds awful, but not as awful as your partner will feel when they find out you’ve been lying to them for three years. But you need to stop faking it. Pretend that not being able to finish is something new, and you don’t know why all of the sudden it’s just not working. How weird! But hey, maybe if your partner tries (insert what you want here), it might do the trick. And voila, hopefully there’ll be fireworks and toe curls and loud (authentic) screams in no time.

But all of this seems like a lot of work to reverse a mistake you made in the first place. Just don’t fake it, enjoy sex for what it is and try to take the pressure off. It helps to understand that it doesn’t have to end in orgasm every single time. And for you ladies who’ve never had an orgasm? Don’t worry, I’ll touch on masturbation and self exploration next week ;)

21 Comments on "Sexy Time: Stop Faking It!"

  1. criolle says:
    Thu, 8th Apr 20104:37 am 

    It's the first important lie she tells you.

    It's THE most intimate moment two humans can share.

    Yet women accuse men of poor communication skills? If you don’t tell a guy what he’s doing wrong, he’ll never know what he’s doing wrong. If you don’t tell him what you need, he’ll never know what you need. What worked for the last date might not work for you (in part due to HER faking).

    We’re MEN. Subtle hints do not work. Blatant hints do not work. Neon signs with brass bands may not get the point across to us. Try using words. Taking us by the hand and guiding also helps.

    Be honest. Men appreciate integrity. The softer side of women when giving advice is always appreciated. Especially when we get to practice it.

    Don't mislead us. It generates mistrust in many areas.

  2. madhusudan gupta says:
    Fri, 9th Apr 20103:05 am 

    sex is very essential part of our life. if a man or woman do not sex then it is very bad thing and shameful.

  3. Alice says:
    Fri, 9th Apr 20108:00 pm 

    That was the first time I've seen that scene.

    I don't think she faked it that well.

  4. Amour says:
    Tue, 13th Apr 201012:26 pm 

    A big hello to all the girls out there.

    I am a 19 year old girl in a steady relationship of 4 years.

    Well, we are saving our virginity for marriage. But we have recently experimenting with "touching each other."

    I am obviously aware that masturbation can lead to orgasm. But I was just wondering if you guys can kind of describe what it feels like.

    I know it is really difficult but what I mean is that I have felt this feeling in which there's a kind of excitement and then, you just can't take it any more.

    As in the video (I had seen it before) and in other movies etc I've seen … one sees that no one tells the guy to "stop" but screams in ecstasy for him to carry on.

    With me. It's like … I can't take it. And I ask him to stop. And if the touch it right, it happens really fast.

    Is that orgasm ?

    Or … is orgasm something different ?

  5. Amour says:
    Tue, 13th Apr 201012:27 pm 

    touch *is right

  6. Ness - Sheridan says:
    Tue, 13th Apr 20107:14 pm 

    @ Amour:

    If I were you, I would try masturbating on your own first, to find out what you like and to find out where your threshold is. I'm actually writing about it this week… it'll be up on Thursday ;)

  7. Amour says:
    Wed, 14th Apr 201010:29 am 

    *to

  8. Amour says:
    Wed, 14th Apr 20103:27 pm 

    Hey,
    Thanks Ness. :)

    I’m totally looking forward for some enlightenment!:’)

  9. andy says:
    Thu, 15th Apr 20109:28 am 

    Fully agree with the article, and what criolle said. I love women who will be sincere, especially since I know not everybody is… moreover, I HAVE caught women faking it, and it really ruins the fun: Why even try if she's going to fake it anyway? Maybe the next it seems real, she's just acting more realistically…

    As for Meg Ryan, I found her acting terrible. If women measure their ability to "fake it" by these standards, I have never missed a fake so far. Heck, most of the faked orgasms I DID detect were probably real after all. If you found her acting good, your fake-o-meter is probably broken.

    @Amour an orgasms can make you really sensitive (as in, "painfully sensitive"), so it's not uncommon that you want him to stop afterwards, especially direct touching of the clitoris. However, if you only just felt good for a while and then the not-bearing-it-anymore, without a strong increase of "good-feeling" (hence the word "climax"), it's probably not an orgasm.

  10. andy says:
    Thu, 15th Apr 20109:29 am 

    *Maybe the next TIME it seems real

  11. lea says:
    Mon, 21st Feb 20112:03 am 

    After one time of not saying stop you'll understand and you won't want to stop it anymore. A second or two after thinking stop but not saying it you will orgasm. but you haven't yet.

    I wish I could experience my first orgasm over again! how excitingg

  12. hkp says:
    Mon, 24th Oct 201112:40 pm 

    Sex is imp

  13. Jimbob says:
    Wed, 9th Nov 20111:17 pm 

    You'd have to have absolutely no experience in bed to mistake Meg's "performance" as the real deal. Also, I dunno why anybody, (who could orgasm), wouldn't simply help themselves out a little during the process, if their partner wasn't quiite getting the job done.. I mean yeah, it'd definitely be a better to communicate/make it a shared process, but you're not gonna find any guy just give up because the other party couldn't get him off – what's wrong with you women, it's like ya wanna be unhappy?!

  14. Raaj says:
    Sat, 14th Jan 20122:05 pm 

    Sex faking video

  15. nae says:
    Mon, 12th Mar 20127:27 pm 

    Ok so…..my boyfriend and i have been dating for a little over a year now, but we’ve only been having sex the last 6 months. After our first time of sex i kinda knew off gate he had low confidence in his self as far as sex. And the sex really isnt all that great. But but i dont want to let him know that he isnt pleasing me. Ik that would tear him apart. Ive NEVER had an orgasm with him but because i fake it…..his confidence has gone up alot. I dont want to tell him im not satisfied because it will have defeated the whole purpose. What should i do

  16. orgasman says:
    Mon, 4th Jun 20124:08 am 

    information I was looking for, thanks a lot..

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