Single. And Sorta Dealing With a Breakup
That’s it. I have decided: the most complicated part of college is not chemistry labs, understanding my political science professor’s accent (though that might be second), or even trying to figure out which major to be. The worst, most confusing part is trying to figure out those more-than-friends-but-not-really-officially-anything relationships.
That in-between stage of limbo is an awful place to be. For me at least. For some people, casual relationships or friends with benefits can work perfectly fine, but I just cannot figure it out. Maybe it’s because I had such a serious boyfriend all through high school, or just because I am kind of a serious person, but I hate that in-between stage.
I hate wondering if he’s going to call, and if he does, wondering if it’s a friendship call or a more-than-friendship call. I can’t stand zoning out during class and thinking about him, then wondering if he ever thinks of me at all. I get frustrated by the amount of time I spend analyzing his every word, because we’ve never flat-out discussed what we are and what we’re not. I hate wondering if that drunken hook up is a mistake, something that’s going to keep on happening, or something we’ll be doing sober, too.
I need some definition!
Especially after the fact, when it’s all said and done. As confusing as these whole in-between relationships can be, it’s the ending that’s the hardest, because there are no rules for it. When you break up with a boyfriend, you’re allowed to be sad or upset. You know how much time you get, whether or not you’re allowed to call him, and total freedom to drown your sorrows in beer and ice cream. But when you were, like, a ‘thing’ with a boy, and then it just sorta ends… what do you do?
Are you allowed to be upset?
Should you be upset?
Can you hang out with that person anymore, or do you have to spend the rest of the school year pretending to be on your cell phone when you’re walking down the hall so you don’t have to have awkward conversation?
Can you expect candy and treats from the girlfriends?
I’m dealing with this all right now and I don’t know what to think. I wish the fact that we were never dating would save me from awkwardness when I run into him in the dining hall, but it seems to have the opposite affect. Especially when I see him there with some other chick. I want to go back to the way things were before, but I’m beginning to see that might not be possible. And at the same time, I feel like I should just be over it all already. Whatever “it” was.
Sigh. This makes me almost long for the old days of my high school where relationships were more clearly defined. OK, that’s a lie; nothing could make me want to go back to high school. I just wish things were a little more cut and dry here. And that my professor spoke intelligible English.