5 Things I Wish I Knew About The LDR

At the end of last semester, my boyfriend was offered a Co-op for General Electric. I couldn’t have been more proud of him. General Electric is a great company, and he would be working on jet engines, which is what he wanted to do in the future. It seemed perfect. Until he told me he was going to be working four hours away.

Wait, WHAT?

Luckily, my boyfriend was kind enough to ask how I felt before accepting the offer. Of course, I wanted to be a self-centered control freak and tell him not to go, but then I started thinking, and I realized that it was an opportunity he just couldn’t pass up.

Now that I’m in an LDR (my first EVER), I wish someone had taken me aside and told me some things. Knowing what to expect would have made this giant change a whole lot easier on me, on my sanity and on my relationship. So that’s what I’m going to do for all of you ladies, right now. Here are five things you should know before entering a long distance relationship that I have discovered in my experience so far.

1. You will be flirted with, and you will like it. Yes, I know. Say what you want, but it’s true. I love my boyfriend, in fact we’ve even talked about getting married, but the fact of the matter is you will be lonely while he is gone. Guys will suddenly be checking you out and chatting you up. I do not plan on ever cheating on my boyfriend, but you’ll enjoy the male attention. And that’s OK!  In fact, it’s normal; don’t feel like a bad girlfriend if that cute boy checking you out makes you blush. But you should never, under any circumstances, act on those feelings. A quick rush is not worth ending something with someone you truly care about (and you must have cared enough to not let distance break you up in the first place).

2. You will turn into a raging, jealous bitch at some time or another. I know, I know, you “trust him” he would “never do anything to hurt you”. The fact of the matter is, ladies, when you hear a girl in the background while you’re on the phone you will start asking questions. You WILL feel that sinking feeling in your stomach. Never mind the fact that there might be women at his work, forget the fact he’s in a restaurant for a company meeting, and to hell with his roommate’s girlfriend visiting. You will think that another girl is after your man, and you will want to drive to wherever he is, and kick her ass. Just make sure you know all of the facts before you go on a rampage.

3. You will become even closer to your friends where you are. Now that the BF is gone, you will find you have a lot of extra time. Time that you can now spend with your girls. I have been invited to parties, random late night hang outs, shopping adventures, etc. It’s not that I wasn’t invited before, it’s just now I actually have more time to join in the fun.

4. You will become even more open with your boyfriend. My boyfriend knows almost everything about me. I thought we were always open about our feelings, about our past, everything. Now that we’re apart, I realize that words are all we have. So we rely on those, and tell each other EVERYTHING that we are feeling. People are much more honest (and sometimes, brutal) over the phone than they would be in person.

5. You will have pent up (ahem) desires. Yes, that kind. I actually don’t have sex with my boyfriend (it’s a personal choice, and it’s difficult, but yes our kind still exist). On a day when you’re sad, you’ll want to be held. When you hear him say something cute, you’ll want to kiss him (okay, so you’ll want to make out with him. For hours.). But you can’t, and it sucks. It really, really sucks. It sucks so much that it makes you think crazy thoughts, wondering if he’s seeking that physical attention from someone else. Which brings me back to #2….

All in all, I know I sound really negative, yet these are things that I honestly wish I knew before entering an LDR. I love my boyfriend, and although I hate the distance between us, I know I could never be as happy with anyone else. But if you begin to feel differently, it is probably best to take a break. Distance really does make the heart grow fonder; I know it’s cliché to say, but the thing about clichés is they are true. If your feelings aren’t stronger, it might be time to re-evaluate. But if you love him and hearing his voice on the other end of the line gives you butterflies,  it’s worth all of the challenges that come with the distance.



  1. Miriam says:

    Aww, this is cute. I feel the same way. Though I think, for me, I had such a negative opinion of long-distance relationships when I got started that it's actually turned out better than I thought.

  2. Gemma says:

    Great article! I am also in a long distance relationship, and I think everything you wrote is very true- especially turning into a jealous bitch sometimes. I had never been the jealous type and surprised myself when I felt those kind of feelings for the first time over completely irrational things, of course.

    Good luck with everything!

  3. Allison says:

    These are so true! My boyfriend started college 9 hours away when we'd been together for 3 months, and we were in a long distance relationship for 3 years. It definitely sucked, but I think it brought us so much closer because of #4.

    Another thing I wish I'd known- If you don't have unlimited texting and a webcam, it's time to invest in them!

  4. Maggie says:

    Great job, Christie! I'm in a LDR as well and no. 2 is especially true!

  5. Adrienne says:

    Christie, I seriously can't agree with you more on those 5 points. I'm in my 2nd LDR right now and I feel everything you're going through…

    So to Maggie and Gemma as well, good luck to all of us in LDRs. It's better to have someone to love than not be loved at all…

  6. Christie - NC State says:

    Good luck to all of you girls who are also in an LDR!

    As far as the webcam and unlimited texting goes, I couldn't agree more. Skype has definitely been a life saver.

  7. Alli says:

    I am 'one of your kind' too! So glad to hear that there are other couples who choose to work things out this way also.

    Anyways, the boyf and I will be in a LDR this summer. Am a bit anxious, but this will be a good situation to learn how to deal with for when we graduate in a year and possibly work in different places. Keep us updated!

  8. Kristen says:

    Honestly, I don't think 4 hours away is that far. You can obviously see each on a weekend,etc. Obviously that's not as frequently as if you were in the same city, but still. Try doing an LDR where your bf is on the other side of the world. Now, that is hard.

  9. Emma says:

    Agreed. I spend 4 months every year in Europe we've been together for two years and half and i haven't ever celebrated his birthday with him. 4 hours isn't far, if you really wanted to you could see him.

  10. Kayla says:

    It's hard no matter what but 4 hours isn't bad, however long distance is long distance. It's not so much how far but just that you can't share those little moments like a kiss and hug when you are feeling down. I'm over 3,000 miles and a $1,600 plane ticket away from my boyfriend and it is SO HARD. But not impossible. Skype, postcards, letters, text messages, pictures…everything helps. And only 37 days left till he picks me up at the airport : )

  11. kat says:

    For the past four years I've lived no closer than an hour to my boyfriend, and starting this fall I'll be roughly 1,000 (yes, that's right 1,000) miles away! It's really hard, especially because he is NOT much of a talker AT ALL, but we love each other so much, we make it work! Hopefully in the next few years he'll move to be with me, but for now, we're just clinging to each other the best we can! … I think I'll call him now…

  12. Giselle says:

    wow, it's a rarity for me to run across a lugitament LDR article. i'm joining the other girls in 4 hours would seem like a dream to me, as my bf and i are 4000 miles apart. the main one for me is the raging jealous bitch. i try to control it as much as i can but i was not cut out for these types of relationships and we've been together for 2 years, youd think id be use to it by now lol. LDR are the most painful things but if it's the right guy you wouldnt want to settle for anyone else. i'm glad you wrote this, we're not the only girls going through this. i always am really surprised by the amount of people in LDRs.

  13. Kati says:

    Cheers to all the girls in an LDR! I wish you all the best of luck!

    I'm currently in my second LDR… my boyfriend is in the Army and stationed in New York (I go to school in Oregon). They are challenging but challenges are what makes love stronger. Things that would be miniscule problems (like going to a frat party) become bigger problems (omg… there were single guys there?!). Yet if you can't overcome them together, even while apart, I think that says something.

    It's nice to come across an LDR article. I wish I'd known these things before I got into my first LDR, but oh well, I know them now.

    Best of luck ladies!

  14. Jazzi says:

    I absolutely love all the LDR power going on in here. I can 100% agree with your 5 observations. i hate the fact that i feel my gut wrench when i hear him even speak of another girl, but we've been best friends now (even during our year "apart")and for about 4 years now we've built such a strong relationship that i have the trust to know that my jealousy is because of the separation, and truly not suspicion. it's great to see a network of LDR's! makes it so much easier to know i'm not the only one struggling for love! :-)

  15. Jazzi says:

    PS. we were 1000 miles away (new york to cali) and YES the song "delilah" helped me through my first steps of separation, LOVE IT!.. but now that he's stationed (Navy) in Japan, we're nearly 6000 miles now. soo difficult. the time change. I just saw him in March and am dreaming of the day to see him again this summer! skype is a must. and email. and text. it's special to share such a bond with someone. and i wouldn't dare do it with anyone but him. stick in there, ladies! one day we'll be able to be side-by-side with them. EVERY DAY. ;-)

  16. Miss LDR says:

    So true.

  17. Hey guys!

    Okay, so I figured I would just update this article by saying my boyfriend and I have made it 5 months now while he has been away for his co-op and we have never been better.

    I know four hours isn't all that far away, but it was definitely a challenge for me, because I actually don't own a car. I wish all of you other girls luck with your LDR's, it's crazy how some of you are dealing with being so far apart!

    But no worries, it can be done :)


  18. Nayab says:

    hey this is so true now it has been months tht Im in ldr bt now a days it realy sucks and I dont even know to whom I should turn to share these feelings….coz sumtimes i feel tht I am bcumng very bitchy n cant share all tht wd frnds around me

  19. […] here are a few things you must keep in mind. And here are some tipsies! (Use them […]

  20. […] wishing someone had taken me aside and told me what to expect from such a difficult situation. I shared those lessons with you, so anyone diving into their first LDR would know what to expect. Now, months later, I am still […]

  21. […] wishing someone had taken me aside and told me what to expect from such a difficult situation. I shared those lessons with you, so anyone diving into their first LDR would know what to expect. Now, months later, I am still […]

  22. […] with all those miles between you and your hot, sexy boyfriend?  The LDR can be a tough thing.  Boy do we know it! Spending nights alone in a big empty bed, laughing by yourself at How I Met Your Mother […]

  23. tissue says:

    This just totally made me tear up.

    It's so great to know that I'm not the only one with a boy halfway across the world (or will be).

    <3 you all. and my heart goes out to anyone in a LDR.

  24. Emma says:

    Mine’s almost 1500 miles away (he just moved a few months ago), and we’re both so busy that we don’t get to talk to late at night, and it’s just on Facebook. By May though, he’s coming down to go to prom with me, and in June I’ll go up to be with him for his prom, and we’re going to the same university next year. What do you think our odds are? I’m desperate for advice.

  25. […] even wondering that makes me nervous about my relationship. Am I being a terrible girlfriend? Do I break up with Toby now, or do I wait until after he visits? Am I being completely unfair? Should I break up with Toby now, or wait to find out if Alden feels […]

  26. rheaa says:

    i met my ldr on holidaay and i am so jealouss of youu guys cos you've all spent time with your bfs but i'd onlyy known mine for a week before we had to say goodbyee again… we're now 3500 miles apart and i miss him so much, does anyonee think this can work- i don't know when i'll next be seeing him, thankyou xox

  27. […] Yes, sex has gone tech, and I’m talking about more than those nakey photos you’ve been sending to the boyfriend while he’s away. (Which is a bad, bad idea. Has Vanessa Hudgens taught you […]

  28. […] St. Louis, MO). I never thought I would be one of those long distance kinda girls, but with him, I rather be in a long distance relationship than to not have him in my life. Not only is he my best friend, but he truly is the best boyfriend I could ever ask for. But I’m […]

  29. […] casual relationship. (And I’m with you, girl–what the floop is the point of the agony of an LDR if it’s not even likely to work out?! Not fun AND not sustainable–and therefore, not […]

  30. Charlotte- University of Birmingham says:

    I'm about to embark on my second LDR. My last one didn't last very long and was only a couple of hours, but it felt like miles at the time. We saw each other every other weekend but in the end his heart wasn't in it.
    I'm currently studying abroad in the States (I'm from the UK) and have been dating a wonderful American boy for the last 4 months. I have a month left in the country with him before I move 5000 miles back home.
    I'm scared about how hard it's going to be, but not that we won't do it. It's probably going to be 5 months until I see him after I leave and I know it's going to be horrible but that I have to stay strong.
    Thanks for this wonderful advice. I hope we make it through.


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  32. Samantha says:

    Hey girls. My boyfriend and I have been 7000 miles apart for the past 6 months and it’s still going great. Hope this gives you hope.

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