Tuffy Luv Talks Confidence

Gots a question?! Aunt Tuffy gonna ease your pain (or maybe cause more.) TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com for maybes some answers.

By Sara

To unnamed questioner from VTEXT: I wanna help you out, but I need a little more information. Mo’ details, pleez.

Dear Tuffy Luv,

I have a close friend in college who is seriously concerned about her likelihood of getting married. She’s never been in a relationship and constantly worries that at the rate she’s going, she’ll never get married before she’s 30! She’s under the impression that she needs to start seriously dating now (at age 20) in order for her to have a family by the time she’s 28. Her mentality seems ridiculous to me since we’re so young still, but she just doesn’t understand that we have plenty of time. I think she’s mostly worried because she doesn’t want to end up like her 25 year old brother who can’t get into grad school, lives at home with their parents, and doesn’t date.

Recently, a close mutual friend of ours had a surprise romantic encounter with this amazing guy and it happened without her even expecting it. This made my other friend feel down that she wants a relationship so badly and can’t make it happen with anyone while my other friend has had smooth sailing.

So Tuffy, what should I do or say to this friend of mine? Should I try to set her up with someone or let her find somone on her own? She’s the most considerate person I know, and I know some lucky guy will see that in her someday, but she thinks that she’s running out of time. She’s been really harsh on herself lately and I can’t stand to see such an amazing person feel so low. Any words of wisdom that I can share with her?

Sincerely,
Helpful Friend

Dear Helpful Friend,

You really are a good friend. I chose this question to answer this week because it’s so heartfelt. Refreshing for ol’ Tuffy to see someone caring so much about someone else. Hearts to you, Helpful friend, hearts.

So, onto your question.

Your friend really is being redonk. At 20 she’s a failed cat lady with purses full of stolen Splenda?! Please. She’s just gotta stop getting so down on herself.

See, guys like confidence. You’ve heard this before. But, kids, you’ve heard it because it’s true. The only kind of men who like insecure women are the unfortunately ever-present creepy controlling asshoops. If you want a real man, you can bet he’s looking for a real woman.

It sounds to me like your friend is just suffering from some major insecurity. Why doesn’t she think she’ll meet anyone? Because she doesn’t think she’s good enough/pretty enough/whatever enough to meet someone who will fall in love with her. But girl, that’s so not true! Judging from how kind you are and how much you like her, I’d be willing to bet your friend is a total sweetheart. That should really help move things along, once she gets more comfortable with herself. But even if your friend was awful and a heinous borscht, she would STILL find the right guy for her eventually. Most people don’t end up alone, kiddo. Almost everyone eventually finds a match.

So help your friend get some confidence. Be her wingwoman! Go out together and have some fun: get dressed up, go dancing (or whatever you crazy kids do these days), and talk to some guys. Once she gets comfortable being herself with guys present, she’s bound to attract some good ones. Remind her that it’s not about finding a HUSBAND–men can smell that kind of desperation a mile away. It’s about just having fun and meeting someone she genuinely clicks with, which she’ll only know when she’s able to drop the insecurity and start enjoying meeting people, even when she knows he’s not The One.

And if she’s not married by 28–so what?! There are SO many happy singles out there who don’t get married till their thirties. It’s a new world, baby! Go do it!

Good luck to you, Helpful Friend, and good luck to your Lucky Friend To Have You As A Friend. I hope you can help her get over her insecurity–and have some fun in the process!

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv