Coupled. And Getting Hit On

April 22, 2010 5:00 pm     Posted in Relationships  Sarabeth - University of Texas g+ page


By Sarabeth

Last week, my boyfriend and I found this group of guys who boffer (it’s basically sword fighting role play) so that he could do a documentary about them. I went with because I was bored and figured I could help Matt out. I was expecting a group of stereotypical Dungeons and Dragons nerds; aka fat white boys who have no social lives. Well, we show up and there were, dare I say, really hot guys there!

Since I was just there to be Matt’s assistant, I sat on the porch while he filmed the guys doing their thing. I was just watching until one of the gents came over to the porch to get something. He noticed me just sitting there and kept trying to get me to join them. I kept telling him I’d have no idea what I’d be doing and I’d make a fool of myself, but he kept trying to get me to play along with them. He even offered to let me use the good weapons. (Ooo lala!) There was just no way that I was going to try to sword fight with these guys, so I stayed on the porch. Later this guy decided to keep tapping me on the shoulder from behind with his sword (his actual foam sword for those of you with dirty minds) and would pretend to be minding his own business when I turned around.

I’ve never been one to garner a lot of attention from men, so I naturally was very awkward around this guy. I thought he was just trying to be friendly, but in the car on the way home, Matt informed me that that guy was hitting on me. I was MORTIFIED! It was bad enough that I’m totally oblivious to the fact that I couldn’t tell when a guy was hitting on me, but the fact that my boyfriend had to tell me was the cherry on top. If I would’ve known that he was trying to flirt I would’ve naturally told the guy to back off because I’m taken!

I really didn’t think I’d have to announce to this group of total strangers that I was Matt’s girlfriend. I was fairly certain that the way we act around people, and the fact we showed up together, would signal to all the guys there that I was off the market. Apparently some guys are just too dense to pick up on social cues. All I can think of now is, “What if this happens again?”

What’s a girl to do? Do I flat out reject him to his face and not worry about being rude? Do I be nice and let him down gently hoping my boyfriend doesn’t take it the wrong way?  Do I say nothing at all, let it happen and, in the process, lead him on? It seems like there’s really no “right” way to handle this situation. Either I’m a presumptuous witch who assumes all guys are trying to hit on me, I’m a flirt who loves attention and leads guys on, or I’m somehow cheating on my boyfriend.

I guess for now I’ll just try to make it more obvious to people that I’m taken, but I’m not even sure that’s the right way to go; no one wants to see a kissy/lovey couple getting all PDA in front of them. So what’s a coupled girl to do?

Anyone got any ideas?

24 Comments on "Coupled. And Getting Hit On"

  1. Adelle says:
    Thu, 22nd Apr 201012:32 pm 

    this should help: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4faSs0mg_pI&pl…

  2. Kelly - University o says:
    Thu, 22nd Apr 201012:53 pm 

    I've been there! One morning my boyfriend told me "_____ was trying to get fresh with you last night." and I was shocked! First of all, what does "getting fresh" mean? Second, why didn't I notice it?

    It's always awkward because when you meet a guy you don't want to give the impression that you're single but also don't want to say, "Hi, my name is Kelly and I have a boyfriend".

  3. Jacob Jones says:
    Thu, 22nd Apr 20101:00 pm 

    A lot of the people who are into sword fighting are pudgy little middle schoolers and creepy old men.

  4. lysy says:
    Thu, 22nd Apr 20101:40 pm 

    I usually just go with the flow I don't introduce myself automatically having a boyfriend but when they try and get my number or take me out that's when i bring it up.

    Usually that works.

  5. Katee says:
    Thu, 22nd Apr 20102:12 pm 

    When it happens with me I usually go the route of dropping the bf bomb as much as possible.

    Ex. "My boyfriend and I were out for dinner when this happened."

    "My boyfriend is really attractive."

    If that doesn't work, then you usually have to reject them flat out, and if that doesn't work I've had to be really mean before.

    I've been told some guys like the "thrill of the chase," so I've been told by my boyfriend.

    Its incredibly awkward and sucky )=

  6. tissue says:
    Thu, 22nd Apr 20102:55 pm 

    OMG. i'm so clueless as to when this happens too! when my last bf and i were going out for maybe a month, one of his friend's friend started hitting on me big time. luckily, my bf's entire suite burst out laughing when he tried to get my number and the poor guy got the clue after that.

  7. lois says:
    Thu, 22nd Apr 20103:43 pm 

    get over yourself sweetie

  8. Lizzy says:
    Thu, 22nd Apr 20103:51 pm 

    I agree with lois you do need to get over yourself..plus I don't think a little flirting is any issue of course as far as its just flirting

  9. sammy says:
    Thu, 22nd Apr 20104:10 pm 

    sarabeth I was in the SAME exact situation as you too, but luckily the 3 other girls who were there left their dogs with me. so whenever the guys would try to flirt with me or jab me with their foam weapons, I told them that I was just the dog-sitter. I also had a broken arm, so I used that as another excuse. I wouldn't worry too much about it though because those guys are just curious when there is a new female present, who doesn't also play D an D with them on the weekends.

  10. Guy says:
    Thu, 22nd Apr 20108:09 pm 

    I'd like the pose a question to the ladies. In the event that both parties, the bf and gf, know she is getting hit on, what is the best course of action of the boyfriend. Should he take the lead in the situation or let her take the lead.

  11. Rae says:
    Thu, 22nd Apr 201010:10 pm 

    Guy- I'd say follow her lead, but actual look at the situation. I went to semi-formal with a guy I'd been seeing, and his frat brother hit on me ALL night. I kept looking over to the guy I was with to get his attention and mouthing "help," but he basically just ignored it- not okay. At the same time, you don't want to jump on top of her if she's able to take care of herself, so just watch her to see what she does. If she's able to shrug the guy off, no worries. If she starts begging for help- or, to a lesser extent, seems annoyed and can't seem to shake him- do something to help her out!

  12. Jennifer says:
    Fri, 23rd Apr 20103:40 am 

    Uhh it doesn't sound like you had to do anything. This guy didn't ask for your number and I doubt he's so attached he'll do something drastic.

    And you couldn't realize he was flirting with you: who are you to call -him- socially inept?

    The point is it's not a big deal. People flirt, and people flirt with other people who are taken. Flirting by definition does not necessarily mean anything. Just relax and if in another situation you feel uncomfortable slip your boyfriend into conversation. That way you can be clear that they know and see how they act from there.

  13. College Party says:
    Fri, 23rd Apr 20105:38 am 

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  14. Jennifer says:
    Fri, 23rd Apr 20105:57 am 

    I feel like I know the awkwardness of a situation like that… and even though flirting can be totally harmless…. it also can make people very uncomfortable. You were already feeling awkward without even knowing he was flirting. I've had situations where no matter how much I throw out the BF card… they would be so persistent I'd have to leave the party/bar or whatever just to get away from them.

  15. Matt says:
    Fri, 23rd Apr 20106:52 am 

    "Apparently some guys are just too dense to pick up on social cues"

    This may be true, but you should also consider that many guys don't care that you have a boyfriend. If I really liked someone, it wouldn't stop me for a second. Men go after what they want.

  16. kate says:
    Fri, 23rd Apr 20107:39 am 

    @Guy – It depends on the girl and the situation. If he can tell she's handling it just fine on her own, let her! My boyfriend knows I can hold my own, but knows enough as to when to come "rescue" me.

    As far as with my boyfriend and getting hit on, he works with more guys than girls. Anytime he asks me to come to a work-related event, it's inevitable that while we're mingling with others, or while I get the drinks while he goes outside to smoke, I'm going to get hit on. He knows how to read me from across a room, so if he can see that I'm getting uncomfortable he will come to me and say something cute or kiss the top of my head to non-verbally tell the dude to back the f* off as we walk away together.

  17. A says:
    Sat, 24th Apr 201010:23 am 

    I don't think you should really worry about it. This guy may just be trying to be friendly and its coming off as something else to your boyfriend (unless your boy knows the other guy's intentions). Provided he doesn't try to get your number or do anything with you I don't think its an issue. If your boyfriend is worried about it, maybe you should sit down and talk about what is flirting and what isn't. I hang out with a lot of guys and we push, punch, and tease each other all the time. Someone on the outside might see this as flirting, but it doesn't have a sexual or even an "I'm attracted to you" meaning behind it. It's just what we do.

  18. Nicole says:
    Sat, 24th Apr 20107:29 pm 

    Idk I once drunkenly made friends with a guy at a party at my boyfriends frat & we exchanged numbers. I definitely told the guy that i had a boyfriend. But later this guy texted me and my boyfriend called him to yell at him and say i was taken.

    Honestly, i think either way, whether its boys hitting on girls who are taken or girls with boyfriends who just want to make friends with other boys, we never win.

  19. kath says:
    Sun, 25th Apr 201011:41 am 

    ironic that you said "Apparently some guys are just too dense to pick up on social cues" when you're describing your own inability to realize he was flirting…

  20. steph says:
    Mon, 26th Apr 20104:34 pm 

    there's really nothing wrong with other guys flirting with you/even flirting a little bit with other guys. if you're secure in your relationship, this shouldn't be a big deal.

  21. Mia says:
    Wed, 28th Apr 20106:10 pm 

    My boyfriend and I usually make it into a game. We both get hit on a lot, and we've found that saying we're taken only makes the *decent* ones back off. So we're just polite but non-committal, and then see who has the best story at the end of the week.

    Just mention your boyfriend in conversation. If they don't back down, they're jerks or you're reading them wrong, so just laugh it off later.

  22. guy says:
    Wed, 5th May 201012:15 am 

    discuss it with your boy friend say hey sometimes i get hit on what do i do. let him know you don’t want to be mean and discuss it see what you guys come up i am pretty sure you would rather have some random guy be mad at you then your boy friend

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