[It's pretty obvious that the average CollegeCandy reader has some very strong opinions. Opinions that she likes to share with everyone on the site. We love a strong woman (unless she happens to be charging at us with her fists raised), so we thought we'd give her a real forum to discuss her thoughts, feelings, and perspectives. Every Friday I'll be featuring a hot topic (like botox! ) and leaving it up to you, the readers, to duke it out. So, read it and get your debate on in the comments section below!]
Cheating has always been, will always be, a touchy subject. We’ve debated what cheating is, whether you should forgive a cheater, but now it’s time to turn those sneers inward and ask the dirty little question – what if you cheat? (BF DISCLAIMER: This is all totally hypothetical, I promise!) There seems to be a little dissent about whether or not (assuming you don’t get caught) you should confess that you cheated and I think it’s time we got a consensus.
On the one hand – you cheated! Of course you should tell you significant other and take your lumps. Part of being in a grown up relationship (or even a not so grown up one) is being honest with each other and being able to trust that no matter what happens you will deal with it together. Admittedly, this would totally suck if you were the one who had to go begging for forgiveness, and there is a chance that the whole thing will fall apart because of your confession, but otherwise you’re basically forcing yourself and your SI to live a lie.
Also, there’s pretty much always some underlying reason why a person cheats, and if you never admit what you did, odds are that reason is just going to fester inside of your relationship and slowly destroy it anyway. Whether it’s breaking up or getting help for the relationship, at least by admitting it things are moving forward instead of stuck in the bogs fake intimacy.
But, there are some valid reasons not to come clean too (I can’t believe I’m saying this – don’t even think about it, mister!). Obviously, every situation is different, so it’s hard to make a no-exceptions ruling. Some people do cheat once and then realize what a mistake it was and recommit to their relationship. And if you’re never going to cheat again, then isn’t confessing making your partner suffer the torture of knowing they’ve been cheated on just to ease your own guilt? Wouldn’t it be kinder to take the burden of that misery on yourself, to make you and only you live with the pain of what you’ve done and spare the person you care about that anxiety that (let’s face it) will never totally go away? Is it fair that they should have to spend sleepless nights wondering about it, that they should have to question every night you come home late, every friend that’s a little too good looking? No, it’s not. So if you could save them from that, would it be better to?
So here I am on the fence. It’s hard to say what I would do in the situation, or what I would want my man to do if he found himself in it (have I mentioned what a nice bonfire all of your stuff would make, baby? Yeah, seriously, don’t.). Where do you stand? Have you been there? Does anyone else have that Usher song stuck in their heads? Duke it out, girls!