Single. And Living with a Boy?

April 30, 2010 4:00 pm     Posted in Relationships  Emmy g+ page


By Emmy

Finals are in the near future, but it’s hard to focus on flash cards with the thoughts of summer taking over my brain. Like many of my fellow collegians, the idea of leaving Chicago and going back home to Minnesota was just not as appealing as the idea of a summer in the Chi. So I’m staying right here in Chicago, doing some internship stuff and nannying in the evenings. Since it is the summer, I’m not going to be in on campus housing but rather in an apartment of my own for the first time! I am so excited about it that I could write a whole column just about the decor options for the balcony overlooking the street, but I’ll refrain in respect for your time. (If you do want to discuss balcony decor, just let me know…)

This whole apartment aspect is new to me, and my roommate for the summer just bailed for a month. Which brings me to the topic at hand: living with roommates of another gender – good idea or bad one?

One of my best guy friends is staying for the summer too, and he happens to need an apartment for a month. Being a sheltered Catholic high school girl, the idea of having a boy as a roommate is pretty radical to me. Not only will I be living with A boy, but this boy is one of my super good friends. AND also someone who liked me first semester, but just never happened to coincide with when I liked him later second semester.

Oh yeah, I also might have drunkenly hooked up with him once or twice… you know. I still can’t decide, but I am pretty certain that I only like him as a friend. But sometimes it is hard to tell… Which could potentially make living with him (mind you, sharing a room with him) a little interesting to say the least.

There are so many issues that could potentially be a problem. Nevermind the fact that I’ll be sharing a bathroom with him (thus exposing him to my less than feminine activities), what if I meet a boy and want to bring him home? Or if he brings a girl home? I have no idea how that would work. Oh yes I do: it would be awkward. Very awkward. I don’t think I would be okay with being sexiled from my own room by some random girl I don’t know. It’s different when you’re living with a girl, because you’re automatically on their side. I love my current roommate and want her to be happy, so I’m more than fine (actually, totally excited) with getting out of her way if that will help! But for this guy? Not so much.

And then there’s that whole issue with our history. Chances are, we’ll be having a drink or twenty over the course of our time together, which means there’s always the potential for something to happen between us. That could be a good thing… but it could also be so very bad.

But then again, it could be good. Or it could be a non-issue at all.

So what do you think?
Horrible idea?
Passable idea?
A great idea simply because it means someone to split the rent with if nothing else?

God, maybe thinking about final exams is a good idea. This whole conundrum is really hurting my brain.

23 Comments on "Single. And Living with a Boy?"

  1. Ash says:
    Fri, 30th Apr 201011:44 am 

    I know someone who had a roommate of the opposite sex. She ended up pregnant and claims they're still just friends. That kind of blows my mind.

  2. A says:
    Fri, 30th Apr 201012:49 pm 

    Obviously this isn't the best option, but if I were you, I would room with him just to split the rent check — assuming you can't find anybody else first.

  3. Victoria says:
    Fri, 30th Apr 20101:50 pm 

    Sounds like you secretly want something to happen between you two, whether you realize it or not. If that's the case, don't do it!

  4. L. says:
    Fri, 30th Apr 20102:44 pm 

    I have two guy roommates, but by roommates, I mean guys who I share an apartment with. We each have our own rooms. I don't know how I'd feel about sharing a room with a best guy friend who I have a mildly awkward history with. But it's up to you.

  5. Karen says:
    Fri, 30th Apr 20104:32 pm 

    It's possible to have a male roommate without it meaning anything. If you do end up having sex with your roommate it can still remain a casual relationship if you're both not looking for anything serious. I don't know why people care so much. People have sex in college. It's part of the point. Get over it.

  6. Krista says:
    Fri, 30th Apr 20104:47 pm 

    I totally want to discuss balcony decor. I am in! Do you have those cool things around the edge where you can put soil in and plant stuff? And enough room for a little table and chair? Because you could totally have some great cute breakfasts out there.

  7. Angie Marie says:
    Fri, 30th Apr 20105:40 pm 

    Bad idea. Think of how stressful liking a boy can be–whether he's your boyfriend or a crush you're scared to tell or someone you hook up with from time to time. Now think of how awful it would be to have to LIVE in that drama.

  8. Jennifer says:
    Sat, 1st May 20103:05 am 

    People are capable of keeping them separate. But you yourself said you might want it to be something more and that you both had other then friendship feelings for each other.

    It looks like a good option for you but I think if you do live with him lay down ground rules first. If you guys hook up and then one falls for the other and that person thinks its ok to sexile them the next day you'll go from slightly awkward to extremely hurt feelings.

    Communication is key. I would wait to pursue this person until after unless you talk about and would both rather date, which in turn makes you move very fast to automatically living together.

    I've been a sort of relationship with one of my roommates the last few months, and it's complicated to say the least. Good luck!

  9. m says:
    Sat, 1st May 20101:20 pm 

    i've lived with guys before and honestly, it was my favorite living positions. i live with 3 guys, then 2 guys, then 1 guy. however, there was never any kind of anything other than friendship between us.

    i say go for it! living with guys is fun, typically drama free, and easy-going.

  10. m says:
    Sat, 1st May 20101:21 pm 

    *oops, meant living situation

  11. Emmy - Loyola Univer says:
    Wed, 5th May 20106:56 am 

    Krista, balcony decor rocks! I do have room for an adorable little breakfast table and chairs! Do you have a balcony?

  12. Mamading says:
    Wed, 5th May 20106:16 pm 

    Allow me to add a guy's perspective into view. Now, before you even begin to lecture me about how a guy would be all for the idea because of some biased stereotypical assumption, I do NOT base my assumptions on discriminating factors. Now for my actual point:

    Living with a guy could the guy in question could be a good decision or a bad one. If you guys are friends, and you both agree to leave it at that friendship stage, then I see no problem with it. Hey, even if it isn't agreed on, you guys could be starting a great relationship in the process.

    Then, of course, comes the alternative. This roommate idea could turn out to be horrible, as in something goes wrong between you two, and your friendship becomes turmoil. Or, at the absolute worst, one of you forces yourself onto the other due to uncontrollable feelings, even possibly committing a rape (Note: This is an EXTREME).

    Either way, it is still your decision in the long run. I am going to have to stay a neutral on the matter. I hope my insight, though a guy's, is helpful none the less.

    REMEMBER: This is your choice, make it count. As Shakespeare once wrote, "To be or not to be, that is the question…", you must decide on your own terms, despite how many yays/nays you hear on the subject.

  13. dina says:
    Wed, 5th May 20107:07 pm 

    Bad idea! I know it sounds promising because you'll be around him a lot, but you seriously do not want to be sharing a room with a guy you may or may not like. It would be better if you two had separate rooms at the very least.

    You two would have a much better chance (if you want one) if you don't live together. He'll avoid seeing all the parts of your life that you keep private, and visa versa with him. You could go over to his apartment and hang out, and then retreat back to yours when you need some alone time. Whats going to happen if you're spending so much time with him is that you'll be so sick of each other, you won't want to spend a lot of time with him outside the apartment. You can't honestly say that you've never been sick of your roommate… so its bound to happen. So you should seriously rethink your living situation during the summer.

  14. Davis says:
    Sat, 8th May 20106:41 am 

    Here's how you do it:

    1) You both have different rooms. Sharing one room is very different than sharing an apartment. In an apartment, you have your own room, a place where you can escape to, a place where you can close the door and do your thing in private. If you'll be sharing the same room, don't do it, find a chick.

    2) Don't hook up with him. Really. Just don't. It'll be awkward, and it'll be weird, and it'll just ruin everything. And instead of letting the fact that you have history stew awkwardly, TALK TO HIM before you move in, and tell him that his friendship means a lot, you don't anything to go wrong while making mistakes, etc.

    The important thing is that you feel comfortable and secure in your home.

  15. My Time For Talk says:
    Sat, 8th May 20105:09 pm 

    Somehow I get a feeling you are a smart lady who knows exactly what it is that she must do. Your quandary has nothing to do with splitting the rent or you would simply take time out to secure a job that would pay you enough to enable you to live on your own. You know you have the option of going home and getting yourself an internship and a ‘nannying’ job without the repercussions that might accompany the possible scenario you are painting in your account. I strongly believe that you are fully aware that in light of the way you have interracted with this potential roomate in the past, there are no hands-off rules you can put in place that will be honored by this guy.

    Have you thought of getting yourself a therapist who might assist you in figuring out why you need to get drunk so that a guy can have his way with you? Does that make you feel less responsible and more shameless after such an act? I suggest you spend your summer break addressing your self-esteem issues.

    What you are looking at now, is a situation that might end up with you being someone's resident 'playmate' with you emerging with a huge reputation that you may live to regret. How can you fend off the HIV infection and pregnancy when you place yourself in the position of being used sexually while drunk. Please try to address this mental health issue ASAP and while you are at it, take a moment to reflect on why your parents supported your desire to go to college. Please get your priorities in order. When in doubt, ask God for guidance and strength. It is not too late for your lifestyle to reflect your 'sheltered Catholic high school' experience even though you have discovered sex and booze!

    God bless you in your endeavors.

  16. Lillian says:
    Mon, 10th May 20104:17 pm 

    My Time For Talk needs to shut the hell up. How can you possibly make the connection that 'living coed will give you AIDS and make you pregnant"?

    Sweeping generalizations, massive reaches, overly-dramatic lectures, and scare tactics only work in church.

  17. My Time 4 Talk says:
    Wed, 12th May 20109:24 pm 

    "How can you fend off the HIV infection and pregnancy when you place yourself in the position of being used sexually while drunk." This does not suggest a possible connection that ‘living coed will give you AIDS and make you pregnant'.

    It instead addresses the serious issue of immorality with dire consequences that society is grappling with today.

    Mine was a question that was meant to make one think about the repercussions of their actions even before they engage in them…and I am not talking about an 'innocent' living arrangement with a guy. Maybe it is time 4 you and other subscribers to your dismissive attitude, to start thinking seriously about the issues I raised. While you are at it, I suggest you read the posting of the issue at hand for more clues.

    You said, "Sweeping generalizations, massive reaches, overly-dramatic lectures, and scare tactics only work in church."

    I say, Maybe so, but close-mindedness left unattended, will only serve to destroy our leaders of tomorrow. Thanks for your comment.

  18. Candice says:
    Tue, 25th Oct 20113:25 pm 

    The rape section of this post is absolutely ridiculous to even bring up. I would skip this persons insight all together.

  19. Annika says:
    Sat, 10th Mar 20121:34 pm 

    That's amazing advice.

  20. Jake says:
    Sat, 4th May 20136:32 pm 

    Rape?!?! Um, yeah… that has almost no chance of happening, unless he's a rapist. And Shakespeare wrote that as Hamlet's speech where he was questioning to commit suicide or not. Irrelevant.

  21. Jake says:
    Sat, 4th May 20136:32 pm 

    questioning whether to*

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