8 Things You Should Never Say to a College Senior

May 10, 2010 5:00 pm     Posted in Entertainment, HaHa  Jessica- Delaware g+ page


By Jessica

As I sit elbow-deep in final papers, projects and exams that are all due within the next week, saying I’m counting down the seconds until the end of the semester is the understatement of the year. No. Of the century. But if I relayed that fact to my senior friends that are actually graduating in a couple of weeks, they’d smack me. And after four years of dealing with college guys, they’ve mastered the fine art of b*tch slapping!

The past few weeks, I find myself walking on eggshells around these depressed folk, who mope around campus as though they just lost all their belongings in a level 10 natural disaster, the CW just canceled Gossip Girl, and they found out that Mario Lopez was gay.  For real, who woulda thought offering up some Easy Mac would induce a sob-fest? I get that they’re a wee bit on edge about graduating, but really? Over Easy Mac?

If you’re still an underclassmen like me, beware. Heed my advice and avoid any mention of these 8 things when interacting with a senior if you want to avoid a smack in the face, a beer dumped over your head, or just a massive onslaught of tears…

1. “So, have you found a job yet?”
In this economy, probably not, and you want to avoid the awkward “….no” at all costs.

2. “Well you can always wait tables, right?”
You’re twisting the knife. College grads are looking for their dream job, not a 5th summer waitressing at Applebee’s

3. “So, can I have your microwave/futon/Breakfast at Tiffany’s poster?”
No, you can’t.  Your senior friend is moving out of her college house into A. her parents or B. an apartment (which her parents are no longer paying for).  So even if that Audrey Hepburn poster is not mature enough for her new grown-up pad, you won’t get it due to the pure jealousy that Audrey would be watching you livin’ the dream through her Wayfarers.

4. “God, I can’t think of anything worse than moving back home with my parents”
I can and it’s called “The Death Stare,” which you will be getting in 5, 4, 3, 2…..

5. “So this is like, your last real summer!?”
Summer to us means lounging at home, blurry trips to the beach, and sippin’ cocktails by the pool while logging occasional hours at our minimum-wage job. Summer in the real world means…not that much.  9-5 means every day, no matter the potential for a sweet tan. And reminding them of that is not in your best interest.

6. “What’s gonna happen with you and what’s-his-face?”
If one of your senior friends managed to whip a douchey college guy into boyfriend material, chances are graduation is bringing up some big question marks.  Maybe they live states away, got jobs in different cities, or are constantly on edge and arguing. Whatever it is, avoid this topic at ALL costs. Really. All of them.

7. “You’re so lucky you don’t have to deal with all this work anymore!”
Anyone who says this is lying, and anyone who hears it will know it. Along with all the work comes all the unique things you can only experience in college. For example, ditching class to fill up a plastic kiddie pool and drink beer on the first day of spring. I’m only guessing, but it’s probably not okay in the real world to ditch work to fill up a plastic kiddie pool and drink beer on the first day of spring.

8. “Congratulations!!!!”
Be prepared to get a look dirtier than your feet after a basement frat party if you congratulate a senior on leaving behind the best four years of her life.

25 Comments on "8 Things You Should Never Say to a College Senior"

  1. martha says:
    Mon, 10th May 201012:27 pm 

    all so so sad and so true

  2. chelseykelsey says:
    Mon, 10th May 20101:22 pm 

    Thank you. as a college senior… I can totally vouch for all of these.

  3. quinn says:
    Mon, 10th May 20101:39 pm 

    just reading this made me tear up. gaaahhhh, i don't want to graduate in a week and a half :( :(

  4. Lisa says:
    Mon, 10th May 20102:01 pm 

    Best 4 years of my life? Please. For those of us who haven't been ditching class and drinking beer all the time, this is only the start of an awesome life. Sorry you've been slacking…?

  5. logic says:
    Mon, 10th May 20102:49 pm 

    lol best 4 years of your ilfe lmao kill yourself if that's what you really think,

    it makes logical sense actually

  6. Nancy says:
    Mon, 10th May 20104:48 pm 

    graduated yesterday and couldn't be happier!

  7. Kate says:
    Mon, 10th May 20104:58 pm 

    Graduating in less than a week and couldn't be more depressed!

  8. marie says:
    Tue, 11th May 20102:49 am 

    people that peak in college depress me

  9. S. says:
    Tue, 11th May 201010:09 am 

    so true. all of them. And I don't think that that has anything to do with "peaking in college" or college being the "best years of your life". But after graduation is a big reality check, which is not at all a bad thing, but being a "grown up" is just a little less fun than being in college. Probably has something to do with all of those pesky bills and being far away from a lot of your friends… But having graduated a year ago I can say it gets better, especially if you're not living home, you make new friends, and you find a job so you have the cash to visit those far away friends and bf's :-)

    So enjoy the parties, and good luck with the job hunting…

  10. Nicole says:
    Tue, 11th May 201011:01 am 

    College is just a piece of paper saying you learned how a few job skills, but mostly that you learned critical thinking skills. Graduates SHOULD be congratulated, look at how many drop out's couldn't make the cut for whatever their excuse of choice is! It was hard work, and graduates deserve to be acknowledged, ESPECIALLY if they had to go back to college as working adults! Take your moment in the spot light and be PROUD! You earned it!

  11. m. says:
    Tue, 11th May 201010:10 pm 

    As a soon to be graduating individual, I'd like to say that for me it's not that college has been soooooooo great and awesome–it's settled in at a firm "pretty good," but I feel pretty confident it won't be the best part of my life.

    What this list points to, and what I'm feeling so acutely right now, is that after you graduate–especially in this god-awful economy–you're thrown into this miserable transitional period. You're not where you want to be. You barely feel grown up! Maybe, like me, you're taking a miserable year off before grad school b/c your senior year was too busy to put together decent applications. You probably have to move back in with your parents and instead of the comfortable expectations of academia, for which you have a large set of very adequate skills, you have to work some job o' drudgery until some graduate school somewhere takes you.

    Add in any always tense and emotionally exhausting conversations with the significant other about the post-grad world–plus the horrible, horrible fact that your near-nightly sleepovers are coming to an end–and yeah, we graduating seniors may be a little miserable.

    Then again, I'm so glad to never have to take a class I don't give a f**k about again. So you win some, you lose some.

  12. chelseykelsey says:
    Wed, 12th May 20108:17 am 

    I agree with m.

    People use to say that high school was the best four years of your life. That is obviously false.

    College on the other hand could be. College should be! For the first time you're independent, you're free. You get to make your own rules and do what you want, without answering to mom/dad!

    You also have pretty limited responsibilities. Sure you have to do homework and go to class… but how many hours a day are you actually doing those things?! You can still wake up at 11. You can go out during the week. You can live with your best friends and actually have time to enjoy each other's company!!

    After college… Immediately after college, those are arguably the worst years of your life! You are now "skilled/educated"… likely thousands of dollars in debt, still totally free… but also burdened with many more responsibilities. You have to secure a full time job. You have to pay bills, you have get up at 6. You're too tired to enjoy the people/person you live with…

    it's a constant struggle.

    I didn't go out and drink everynight. I barely drank once every other week. But that's not all that college is about.

    So MARIE, LOGIC, and LISA:

    you all seem a little bitter.

    I'm sorry that you didn't make the most out of your college experience.

    It's a shame that you didn't have the enjoyable time that you should have.

  13. Margo M says:
    Sat, 15th May 20102:20 pm 

    I think the reason that life after college seems to suck is that graduates know all the obvious things about "the reality check," but the most awesome parts are unknown. You get to meet more people, live in places you always wanted to live, try new things.

    I have to say something: college, like life, is what you make of it. Whether you major in partying and minoring in stride of pride, or you are in a demanding major, it is what you make of it. It is your choice.

    For Marie: I don't know if it is fair so say that some people peak in college. I know a lot of people who partied their way through school and then had very successful lives, were fathers of the year, etc. I guess be satisfied that the best is yet to come in your life…

  14. Jenkins says:
    Tue, 25th May 20102:27 am 

    What is your favorite place in the world (as of right now)?

  15. Elliott says:
    Tue, 25th May 201011:59 am 

    If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green or a lemon called a yellow?

  16. Ward says:
    Sun, 30th May 20105:54 am 

    Can blind people see their dreams?

  17. Gerry says:
    Tue, 1st Jun 20103:26 pm 

    Best troll job ever ^^^^

  18. Meech says:
    Tue, 8th Jun 20104:43 am 

    These are ridculous! Just because you graduate from college doesn't mean you have to stop doing all the things you love. Also there are plenty of people, myself included, that worked a decent job all through college and have been able to get their life in order. I have a house, a dog, and a good job and I still find plenty of time to drink, have a blast, and act ridiculous!!! No, I don't skip work as often as I would have skipped class to drink but if you don't work then you won't have money to buy your alcohol and do all the things you love!

    The whole reason for going to college is to be able to get a job and grow up when you graduate. If you went to college for something other than that then you should be grateful to be graduating in the first place. And all these questions are going to be asked, so get over it. You will learn to answer them by giving them just enough information to leave you alone! GROW UP PEOPLE!!!!

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