Cuddle Spray: Viagra for His Emotions

May 11, 2010 5:00 pm     Posted in Entertainment, HaHa, Relationships  Christie - NC State University g+ page

"I want to share all my feelings now."

A constant complaint we girls have is that men “don’t talk,” that they “never tell us how they really feel,” and anyone who’s ever interacted with a dude knows its pretty unusual to see one cry. And sometimes that gets frustrating and we just want our guy to share his emotions. We don’t want to date a robot; we want a guy with feelings. We know they’re in there somewhere and we just need a little somethin’ somethin’ to bring ‘em out.


By Christie

Well, now there is that something. And it’s not a viewing of “Field of Dreams.” Scientists have been working furiously and finally come up with a solution to this very real problem:

Introducing Cuddle Spray a hormone-laced nasal spray developed by Universities of Oxford and Bonn.

I won’t bore you by telling you how it uses neuropeptide oxycotin, and how half of the forty-eight men they tested it on expressed their feelings more. And I won’t touch the subject of how the male participants had increased emotional empathy, either. You can read more about that later.

What I will talk about, however, is the commercial havoc that is going to result from this product. It will be like the Tickle-Me-Elmo craze of 1996 only worse, because instead of crazy moms trying to please their kids, this time it’s going to be crazy girls trying to please themselves. After years of probing their guys for some feelings, women can just spray this stuff and suddenly find the poetic, romantic dream boat hidden inside? I can’t even imagine how many women are going to start buying this for their mate, but I know they do, they need to be prepared in full protective gear. And they should probably leave the earrings at home.

Some call the new cuddle spray the “relationship Viagra,” which sounds simply delightful. But I have to wonder if guys need to consult a doctor if they feel emotional for more than 4 hours, how emotional do we want our men to be? Sure, empathy is nice, but isn’t part of the appeal of men that they aren’t as emotional as women? Do I really want my boyfriend to cry when I tell him that he can’t wear mid-calf socks with shorts? Do I really want to come home and find him sitting on the couch, sobbing into a tub of Edy’s as another bride finds “the dress” on Say Yes to The Dress? I think not. It’s that mystery and aloofness that gets us interested in the relationship to begin with, isn’t it?

I suspect that once this new spray hits mainstream, the appeal of quiet, mysterious men will grow. After all, don’t we all laugh when we read Edward Cullen’s moanings? Was I the only one who was completely freaked out that he stood over Bella’s bed at night, watching her? If that’s what this Cuddle Spray is going to do to my man, then I’m gonna have to say, no thank you. I’ll stick to the cologne-wearing, non-stalking, non-comparing-me-to-heroine boys. I like them a little rough around the edges. And smelling good.

9 Comments on "Cuddle Spray: Viagra for His Emotions"

  1. Lisa says:
    Tue, 11th May 20101:12 pm 

    Um…this sounds horrible. "I want my boyfriend to be different than what he is so I'm gonna drug him!" Sure, I wish my boyfriend would talk about his feelings more sometimes, but I would NEVER drug him to be different even if it is safe and effective.

  2. Hannah says:
    Tue, 11th May 20107:19 pm 

    I totally agree.

    Man, if my boyfriend wanted me to take a drug to make me act differently (not in a "you're depressed and I'm worried about you" way, but a "you would be more fun if you weren't so emotional" way) I would be pissed lol.

    It's not their fault that their Corpus Callosums are smaller than ours! It's not like they do it just to annoy us lol! If we were all the same, life would be no fun. And my man being able to compartmentalize really comes in handy sometimes. If we were both freaking out… well, that would just be bad.

    We just have to read between the lines. Guys express their feelings all the time, just in different ways. My boyfriend always throws my towel in the drier to heat it up while I am in the shower. And a million other things like that.

    It's not like they don't have to try to translate our crazy lol. We may talk more, but we don't always say what we mean… and we leave it to them to figure it all out.

  3. criolle johnny says:
    Tue, 11th May 201010:03 pm 

    Unbelievably sexist! How does this differ from "ruffies in a drink"?

    If I used a chemical product to alter YOUR mood, to make YOU more "receptive" to my needs, how would you react?

    Would you or your friends post comments on facebook "outing" me?

    Perhaps we could spray this into the prison ventilation system to keep down fights. Would that violate anyone's rights? Perhaps not if we only did it in the MALE prisons.

    Sickening.

  4. Christie - NC State says:
    Tue, 11th May 201011:03 pm 

    I'm glad to see that other people thought this was taking things a bit too far.

    However, this drug does have some positive implications as well. Doctors are saying that it might be useful with patients that have schizophrenia as well as autism, because of inability to both express or detect emotions.

  5. logic says:
    Wed, 12th May 20109:41 am 

    gender roles rule!!

  6. logic says:
    Wed, 12th May 20109:45 am 

    wait when did sympathy become the same as empathy

  7. brobot says:
    Sun, 23rd May 20108:30 am 

    here ladies take this lady-viagra cause you have low sex drives cause you hate sex here come on now use chemicals to change yourself to my liking

    that's better

  8. cio says:
    Sun, 23rd May 201010:12 am 

    @criolle johnny… even if it was available OTC, it's a nasal spray, not a pill. He would be the one using it. I think a guy would notice if someone was spraying something up his nose.

    @Lisa/Hannah: agree! if we wouldn't want them to try and change us…

  9. Chris says:
    Thu, 15th Sep 201111:20 pm 

    drug me and take advantage of me… I'm okay with that. Really.

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