Glamour Says the Darndest Things: June Edition

Glamour’s June “beauty” issue is chock full of ish that is awesome (hello, glitter, sexy sandals, and neon color orgy!),  bad (really, three models on the cover and they all pretty much look the same?), and ugly (jelly sandals definitely do not need to make a comeback. Was I the only one whose feet were always totally wrecked after wearing them?). Seriously, it’s amazing they could fit it all into those 275 pages!

By Jasmine R.

Upon glancing at the cover, I immediately thought I would be eviscerating the “How To Find Love in Hook-Up Culture” article, because the whole notion of “hook up culture” is so exaggerated. People have been hooking up with no strings attached since the beginning of time (I’m sure the guy who invented fire totally got some booty that night), the only difference is now everyone Tweets or makes a coy Facebook status about it. However, their advice to communicate open and honestly with your partner (and yourself!) about your romantic intentions is really legit (although it does include a terrible anecdote involving a MASS BOOTY CALL TEXT. Seriously? Seriously.) Yeah, so I couldn’t really find much to tear apart.

But then I turned the page and found this gem: “Weird Things That Turn Guys On” that did include weird tidbits… if “weird” has somehow evolved to mean normal, mundane, or obvious.

Random Glamour guy says: “Really cute toes. I like them perfectly pedicured and all cleaned up.”
Jasmine says: Duh. When a woman gets a pedi, and then puts on her cutest, fiercest shoes to draw attention to her pedi, a little part of her wants a guy to notice and be attracted to how put-together and manicured (no pun intended…oh, maybe a little) she is. Maybe the part where he said he likes to give his girlfriends pedis….with his teeth…. was left out?

Random Glamour Guy says: “Biting. The other day my girlfriend role-played with some vampire stuff….it was sexy.”
Jasmine says: This would have been weird…three years ago. Unfortunately, now it’s Edward Cullen’s world and we just live in it.

Random Glamour Guy says: “I love hearing women talk with an English accent.”
Jasmine says: I’m pretty sure it is a mathematical fact that English accents are sexy.

Random Glamour Guy says: “Competitive girls…I love not having to throw games.”
Jasmine says: Oh, how evolved and progressive to think that women are sore, inconsolable losers. Except, not really. Sure, I don’t enjoy losing Mario Kart every single time, but that’s nothing a slice of pizza or four can’t cure.