Tuffy Luv Sez: THAT’S A LOT OF SEX

By Sara

Question?! Answer: TuffyLuv@collegecandy.com. Annnnnd go.

Dear Tuffy Luv,
I’ve been with my boyfriend for about six months now. When we first got together it was because of a drunken hook-up and I wasn’t really into him. He pursued me for a couple of months until I decided to give in and give the relationship thing a try with him. He is the first guy I’ve ever been in a relationship with, and I’m the first girl he’s ever had a serious relationship with, and after a while we developed deep feelings for each other. Told each other we loved one another and all of that. Things were going great until we got into a big fight over him being inconsiderate, he made me wait for three hours at a place that I was supposed to pick him up at but turns out he was already home sleeping the whole time. Instead of just getting the argument out of our systems, all I wanted was for him to apologize for not calling me to let me know, he went back to sleep mad and I went home mad. The next day he called and broke up with me because he just doesn’t feel he belongs in relationships. When I went over to his house to talk about it with him we ended up getting back together, the breakup lasted a whole 8 hours. He told me it was because he’d never been in a serious relationship before and the whole idea freaked him out but that he realized he truly does love me and wants to be with me.

Well, ever since then I’ve been scared to death that he’s going to break up with me again. I’m paranoid of his ex-girlfriend, whom he still speaks to occasionally, and his friends that are girls who I know he’s had feelings for in the past. We’re two really different people and I’m afraid he’ll realize that maybe he’d be happier with someone more like him. I was a virgin when we got together, he was not, so I’m obviously not as sexually experienced as him or the other girls he’s slept with, so I’m also afraid of not keeping him sexually satisfied. Though we do have sex at least once a day, I’m not scared he’s lost interest, just that maybe his exes are better, they’re into the same things as him, and that he’d go elsewhere for that satisfaction.

I told him how I was scared of losing him and that I felt like at any second he would just change his mind again. He just rolled his eyes and told me if he didn’t want to be with me, he wouldn’t be with me. He told me he loves me but sometimes when I say it to him he’ll say “I like you, too.” He says that it’s because he doesn’t think it should be said too much, that the word freaks him out and that I know he loves me so it shouldn’t bother me. He always wants me to give him reasons why I love him and I tell him. However whenever I ask him he replies with “I don’t know how to explain it. I just do.” I just need a little reassurance from him but I’m not sure how to talk to him about it because I don’t want to appear needy and psycho. What should I do?

– Paranoid girlfriend

Dear Paranoid Girlfriend,

If you want to be with him: lay off.

Look, the guy obviously digs you. And by the way, sex at least once a day?! THAT’S A LOT OF SEX. He wants to eff you. Of that I am sure. So forget this whole sexual insecurity thing. It’s not making you seem sexier–au contraire–and, honestly, it’s just plain silly.

The problem lies more, PG, in the fact that you’re putting a lot of pressure on him by trying to get him to say how much he loves/likes/craves you all the time. It’s gotten tiring, and he’s trying to get you to lay off. Take the hint, girl. Stop fishing for compliments and take ‘em when he sincerely wants to give ‘em. You’ll be happier because you’ll know he’s sayin it only because he genuinely means it, and he’ll be happier because he won’t have to feel like you’re bugging the living daylights out of him.

In the meantime, however–DO you want to be with him? You’re right, you are coming across as needy. But, honey, he’s coming across as self-absorbed. He wants compliments and love licks and he won’t even give you one little reason why he loves you?! I mean, if he wants tat, he better give you some tit. For real, girl. Reciprocity. Rec-i-proc-i-TEE.

I dunno, man. He sounds immature and more interested in himself. Which is fine. But you gotta decide if that’s enough for you. Quite frankly, it wouldn’t be enough for me.

Hearts & Skulls,
Tuffy Luv