Cosmo Says the Darndest Things: June Edition

Every month when I pick up my Cosmo, my roommate always picks it up off the coffee table and starts to read it. It’s entertaining, I know. But really, the only reason I read it is for research for this column. Don’t people (a.k.a my roommate) realize this magazine is filled with nonsense?! It doesn’t even have juicy celeb gossip to read to make me feel like I’m part of the inner celebrity circle. Or even good fashion and style tips to get my creativity flowing. Oh well, let’s get to the good stuff (er, horrendous articles that we love to pick at).

By Arielle

First page I have bookmarked: the hot sheet. Scroll your eyes down to number 6: Vagazzling. Creative word, I must say. But jewels on your vagina? Umm can you say uncomfortable? Whatever kind of guy thinks this is hot is a guy I never want to meet, let alone expose my un-gazzled self to. Moving on.

In “The Love Mistake That Pushes Him Away” we are instructed on the correct way to ask our guy to stop seeing that girl we don’t trust around him. The article begins by suggesting we can’t tell him who he can or cannot hangout with. And by the end of the article we have learned how to tell him who he can and cannot hang out… only in a polite manner. Pretty sure no matter how polite or nasty you are when saying this, the message remains the same.

Then we’re given a fun way to pick up a guy. Cosmo suggests we take our bracelet off, stick it in our purse, and go up to the hottie at the bar and ask him to help find the “missing bracelet.” That is just cheesier than a bowl of Easy Mac. Don’t play dumb to meet a guy; just go up to him at the bar and start a convo. That is way more fearless than “losing” a bracelet in your purse.

And then I came to “How to Make a Man Commit.” Why is every article in Cosmo about how to change yourself to get a guy? GRR. Donde esta the one magazine that will encourage readers to be themselves? (What’s up, CollegeCandy?!)

Cosmo Says: You show him your sweet side. Going out of your way to display affection for your guy and make his life easier.
Arielle Says: Of course it’s nice for a man to wake up to fresh pancakes or come home after a long day to his favorite DVD already in the player and his favorite beer waiting in the fridge. But I also happen to enjoy waking up to pancakes and coming home to my favorite DVD and beer in the fridge (Shock Top with an orange slice, in case anyone who loves me is reading.) While it’s nice to do things for your man, make sure it’s equal.

Cosmo Says: You’re always game. Men want someone fun- plain and simple.
Arielle Says: I’m all about having fun and doing adventurous things. But not all women are. So, don’t do something you don’t want to do just to impress a man. Find someone who will commit to you because he loves you for what you enjoy doing.

Cosmo Says: You Work Your Look. A man passing a woman on the street will pick up on everything physical: hair, eyes, figure, skin, smile, outfit.
Arielle Says: Where are the men who pick up on these things? Not sure the last time my boyfriend even noticed when I got a haircut. But a short skirt? Yeah, he definitely notices those.

Cosmo Says: You keep him engrossed. Dudes also connect more easily with women who can keep them entertained during a conversation.
Arielle Says: I’d rather have a man who can talk politics with me than a man who yaps about baseball scores all night. But sometimes talking about our emotions is important to us, the same as baseball is important to him. If you listen while he rattles off batting averages, he should listen when you come home with some juicy work gossip.

Cosmo Says: You leave something to the imagination. Guys aren’t dumb. They know you pee, wax, put on zit cream… they just don’t want to think about it.
Arielle Says: I agree with Cosmo here; women stuff should be left to the privacy of the bathroom. So why is it that men can fart in our faces and think it’s hilarious and adorable? Women like a little mystery, too, ya know!

Cosmo Says: You can let the small stuff slide. The key is to show him that although you’re a team now, he still has independence.
Arielle Says: Make sure you have your independence, too! If you don’t yell at him for leaving the toilet seat up, make sure he doesn’t yell at you for taking too long to get ready before date nights.