[Got a Dude itch you just can’t scratch? Sick of getting the pity-eyes as you sift through the Self-Help section at your campus bookstore? Over wondering what those boys are thinking? We got your back, girlfriend. Send your question over to firstname.lastname@example.org. The Dude won’t sugarcoat it, beat around the bush, or any other weird cliche that means lie to you. Like a nice, juicy hot dog, he’ll be 100% real beef, 100% of the time. So bring it on, ladies.]
My roommate is the type of girl who squeals and obscenely flirts when she runs into a guy she knows, has absolutely no coordination nor common sense, and cannot do a single thing by herself. At the same time, she’s notorious for always having a love interest, or multiple ones at the same time. Also, she admitted that she has a hard time thinking of any guys who are just friends or that she hasn’t had a romantic connection with.
On the other hand, I’ve never dated anyone and every single one of my guy friends has always, from the get-go, been just a friend to me. All my childhood friends were boys and I do get along better with guys than I do most girls, mostly because of how chill the atmosphere is and there’s no requirement to squeal when I’m excited. I’m a typical guy’s girl–I’m quite content eating take-out/chips and salsa and watching a basketball game with a beer in hand, my favorite movies are action/suspense/comedy movies (aka Bourne, Rambo, Rush Hour..), I don’t expect to be treated like a princess (though I do believe in modern-day chivalry, like holding doors open), I’m happiest when I can joke around and just hang out, and very few things put me in a bad mood.
Now don’t get me wrong, I don’t do the obscene things guys do (i.e. burping out loud and snot rockets) and I take care of myself, care about the way I look, and carry myself like a typical girl. A lot of my friends tell me I seem really confident and get along really well with guys and even my guy friends routinely ask me if/why I don’t have a boyfriend yet. It’s not like I’m just oblivious to guys who are interested, it’s just that the guys who are interested are guys with whom I would end up emotionally being ‘the guy’ in the relationship–and the girly side of me wants to date a guy’s guy. I feel like my one-of-the-guys personality should theoretically work to my advantage, but obviously not and I’m attracting the exact opposite of what I’m interested in. Is it actually a deterrent? Do the type of guys I’m interested in just naturally gravitate towards girls like my roommate who prefer to girly things and act ‘cute’?
-One of the Guys
P.S. This email was obviously a manifestation of my girly side. It’s embarrassing and it pained me to write it, but I’m actually just really curious..
Dear One of the guys,
First of all, I want to say thank you for writing in. Secondly, you’ve got nothing to be embarrassed about.
Why do some girls get along better with guys and vice versa? Ever notice they tend to get trapped in the friend zone? That seem backward to anybody else? A guy who’s great friends with a girl understands her, respects her, and has earned her trust. Yet she refuses to take him to bed and reenact the most, um, climactic scene from Mr. & Mrs. Smith (second only to the carnal carnage of Dolemite in The Human Tornado). She prefers to boink the tool that nods his head, feigning interest in what she’s saying, to steal glances at her bazookas. People act retarded, right? They’re just a bunch of idiots afraid of the right person, right? Well, there might be more to it than that…
Being a “guy’s girl” isn’t a deterrent. What deters people you meet are first impressions. How you hit it off with someone is pretty damned important! If you meet a guy and act like his friend then he’s going to see/treat/think of you as a friend. If you start out making it clear you’re interested in more than that…see the A to B to C of it all? (Side bar: Friends with benefits isn’t the rule, it’s an exception. Hence why the friends zone is a labyrinth most never escape from.) The next guy you meet, make it clear that you’re not just looking for another friend (I’m not talking about grabbing his junk or throwing your panties at him). Now on to why you attract wimps…
I need to steal a line from one of the greatest love stories EVER told. When talking about why he and his girlfriend, Adrian, are together, Rocky Balboa (go Flyers!) says, “I dunno, she’s got gaps, I got gaps, together we fill gaps.” In a nutshell, that’s why the girly-men (imagine that said in the Governator’s voice) flock to you. People are often attracted to someone who has a quality that they wish to have – hence the expression “opposites attract.” From my experience, a lot of the best relationships are between two people who are complimentary to each other; she’s a slob and he’s a neat freak; she likes Gossip Girl while he watches WWE Raw; they compromise by watching Chuck together and switching weeks doing laundry.
One man’s opinion: Work on not being friends with guys. To be clear, I’m not saying femme yourself up. Try letting him know you’re looking for something other than just drinking a beer and watching the game. Be open and receptive, otherwise called approachable. Sometimes we’re not aware of the walls we put up when we meet people. Take a step back. Ask your guy friends how they felt when they met you, as research. Then it’s just a matter of practice. If you want more, then don’t be afraid to let him know. Otherwise, you’re shortchanging yourself and what you have to offer.
Your Bro 4 Life,