Coupled. And Planning our Future

May 27, 2010 5:00 pm     Posted in Relationships  Kari- Florida State g+ page

While I’m thoroughly enjoying relaxing for the summer (and working…and studying…but when I picture summer in my mind it’s all sand between my toes and margaritas), I can’t help but find myself a little stressed. Okay, really stressed. It doesn’t help that David is anxious beyond belief and totally nervous about taking his GRE next week. I hate seeing him stressed out like this, but even more, I hate that every time I see him preparing for his post-graduate career I have a minor panic attack thinking about mine.


By Kari

Since I was little, I’ve loved writing. After I picked up that red crayon to write my first story I’ve been hooked. This led to an easy answer to the increasingly meaningful question “What do you want to be when you grow up?” Until recently, I always knew I wanted to write; then last September I had a kick-ass media law teacher and decided to be a lawyer. Unfortunately, I realized I didn’t want a law career for the right reasons, and that writing will always be my true passion and calling.

Which leads me to the question staring me in the face whenever David cracks open a practice test: what the hell am I going to do next year? Once David and I started seriously planning our post-grad careers, it seemed relatively easy. We cross referenced every law-school in the country with the program he wants and started narrowing it down from there. We were worried then about both of us getting in and what the most financially realistic places were. If I decide not to go to grad school at all, David can pretty much choose wherever he wants and I’d have to find a job near wherever that is.

I can hear some of you rolling your eyes right now. Several wise women have told me not to plan any aspect of my future around a man I’m not engaged to (and that topic is another post entirely), but David and I have very similar ideas of where we want to be post-grad (the front-runner now is sunny South Florida, but our minds might change come 95° weather) and what our future looks like (hint: we’re together).  We know that a joint post-grad career is in our immediate future – no matter what – and that the difficulty of making it work will be totally worth the result.

It’s just so hard not knowing where I’ll be this time next year. The prospect of really finishing undergrad seemed so distant until watching my friends graduate made it concrete. I have no idea if I want to keep going to school, or just jump into the world of writing (and hope that maybe the economy has recovered enough by April that I get hired). Until then, I guess I’ll just keep filling out those information request forms and hoping David gets a high enough GRE score to get in wherever he wants.

Is anyone else trying to figure out the post-undergrad future, whether on their own or in combination with their bf? Or, have you figured it out?

8 Comments on "Coupled. And Planning our Future"

  1. kim says:
    Thu, 27th May 20101:31 pm 

    I know exactly what you mean, except my boyfriend is already done with college. You would think that would make my life easier in terms of planning where I want to go, but it's kind of making it harder. He has a great job in a city that both of us want to leave, but he can't leave for about another year and a half which works out because I don't want to leave my school until I'm done.

    Basically, I just wanted to say, that planning a life is hard enough on your own and being in a serious relationship is even more stress.

  2. Lilly says:
    Thu, 27th May 20101:57 pm 

    Similar situation here. I have 2 years left of my BN, after which I will be an RN and have a job pretty much anywhere I want here in Canada. He's done school and preparing to go into law. It would make things so much easier if he would take 2 years off then go anywhere he wants once I'm able to move with him, but I'll never ask him to do that. I hope everything works out, for your situation and mine!

  3. Amanda says:
    Thu, 27th May 20102:56 pm 

    I definitely can relate to your situation. My bf is going to be a senior next year and is planning on getting a job right after graduation. While I still have a year left after he graduates, I have always dreamed of getting my doctorate in my field, but finding a way for both of us to get the best of both worlds (a good paying job and a good grad school) is hard. I think both of us are leaving are minds pretty open at the moment, and want us to stay together, but we aren't afraid for one of us to have to give up something(s) for the other if that meant staying together.

  4. Ashley says:
    Thu, 27th May 20104:27 pm 

    My boyfriend is attending graduate school in Iowa and asked me to move out there with him. We both just graduated from college and I needed to find a job… in Iowa. My BS is in Science Education and I found one (and I'm very lucky). So, I totally know what you mean by planning my life around someone I'm not engaged to. If it makes you happy and you have something going on for yourself in that area, then it won't feel like you're there for him and him alone.

  5. molly says:
    Thu, 27th May 20107:08 pm 

    hi,

    this post interested me. i recently broke up with a boyfriend of mine because he had dreams of going to med school. i know what you're thinking, that doesn't make sense; but when i started to weigh out all of the things that i'd have to give up in order for him to accomplish his dreams, it didn't seem fair for me to start giving those things up right out of undergrad. can i see myself marrying him? absolutely. but can i also see myself resenting him 10 years down the road for having to move to another city that wasn't my first choice so that he can pursue his dream and still allow our relationship to work? yes.

    so what did i do?

    i'm headed to DC on Monday. interning for the summer- a dream of mine for a while now. after that, i'm going to London for the fall semester- something I almost gave up because of him.

    we're still in touch, taking it day by day, but it is important to claim your own independence. who would you be without him? it's also important to consider the expectations–moving to another city would come with expectations of time together. what if his new career didn't allow it? what if you didn't adjust and make new friends as easily as you thought you would because you were relying on him?

    you need to be able to say with certainty that this decision of where to move or work is not 100% for him. what would happen if you broke up after you'd moved out there with him? all things to consider.

  6. Robin says:
    Mon, 7th Jun 20105:26 pm 

    I know I'm thinking about my future. I graduate in December, my boyfriend, being an engineer, has another year and a half after I graduate. That's a big time span, so I'm really curious on how things are gonna play out.

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