The Morning After: A Very Bromantic Evening
Lesson learned: No good ever comes of hooking up close friends. Especially when you’re right in the middle of their bromance sandwich.
One night, my friend Alex and I were hanging out at his place, watching his roommates play XBox (obviously my dream date). We were all just hanging out and chatting, sipping on some brewskis. Everything was pretty low key until Alex and I decided that TV in bed sounded much more appealing. We disappeared up to his room only to find his bed already occupied. Our mutual best friend Ben was face-down, passed out in his boxers.
Being the 250 pound rugby player that he is, we decided it was probably best to just leave him and sleep in Alex’s roommate’s lofted queen size bed (God, I love college). With Ben’s history of barely being able to be woken up when violently shaken, we decided it was safe to fool around quietly. And we did…before falling into a post-workout slumber.
The next thing I knew, I was jarred awake up by the loudest (I swear) snore I have ever heard. I rolled over and quickly found three things very wrong with my situation:
1. I was alone
2. My dress was on the floor
3. Alex’s roommate (whose bed I was occupying) and Ben were head-to-toe asleep – both face down, both in their boxers – in Alex’s bed.
You can only imagine the panic that went through my mind. I knew I had to get out of there (who knows what happened down there?!) and I knew that no matter what weird sh*t was happening below me, there was no way to escape without having to crawl down the ladder with only my belt in hand (don’t even ask how that ended up being the only article of clothing on the bed…).
Somehow (I think I’ve permanently blocked these 15 seconds out of my memory), I managed to sit up, slam my head on the ceiling lamp without waking up the sleeping beauties, and scamper down the ladder to my dress, lying in a heap. I quickly threw it on and gathered the rest of my articles of clothing and moved toward the door. One giant snore later, I was long gone down the hallway.
I quickly gathered that Alex was in the shower for his early shift for work so I made some coffee and waited for him to come downstairs. I told him about my precarious situation and he just laughed (I hate my guy friends). We went back upstairs to grab his car keys (such a gent – he offered to drive me home) only to see Ben and the roommate both in the fetal position now, spooning each other. Only then did I notice that they had the XBox between them. No cords or anything, just the console. As if that electronic was the only thing tying their bromance together… and keeping their genitals apart.
Thoroughly disturbed, Alex and I ran out of the room, waiting until we reached the hallway to bust out in laughter. We agreed to never speak about it again (at least not anonymously), but I’ve never been able to look at Ben, his snuggle buddy or that XBox the same.