Sexy Time: Let These Be Your Guide

I just finished my freshman year of college and I have never had a boyfriend. In fact, the most experience I have sexually is making out. This is not due to religious beliefs, being a prude, or anything like that. I went to an all girls school on the west coast since kindergarten, and I was just so busy all the time, I never really had the chance to start a relationship. My problem is that I really want to be more experienced. I don’t even want to think about how depressing it will be if I go into my junior year still a virgin. I at the very least don’t want to go through much more of college having never given a blow job. The thing is, I am nervous. Not nervous like I don’t really want to, but nervous that I will be so awful I won’t even be able to get him off. Any tips for the first time dabbling in oral sex? Or “manual sex”? I am freaking out here.

My first sex question! Someone wants MY advice? Sweeeeeeet!

Well, first off, I feel obligated to tell you that there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin. It’s something that just hasn’t happened for you yet, and that’s fine… so I’m hoping you’re not feeling too badly about it. That said, I understand that you just want to go for it. My advice? Watch lots of porn. I’m sure you’re smart enough to realize that sex isn’t going to be the way it looks on screen, but you can get a general idea of how things are done (I’ve had friends who’ve had girls just put it in their mouths and sit there… don’t do that).

If I were you, I’d put my energy into looking for a guy I could have a relationship with instead of just someone to have sex with. Not that there’s anything wrong with just having sex, but being in some kind of a relationship with the person is going to a) make you a lot less likely to regret anything, and b) make you feel more comfortable explaining that hey, you don’t have a lot of experience, but you really want to try this out so maybe be could talk you through it. One thing I wish I had been told is that a guy won’t always finish every single time — if it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen, and try not to take it too personally.

As for the HJs, try it out and see if it’s something you’re interested in. They can be kind of awkward, even for the most experienced, and you might decide that you’d rather move on to other things.

Try not to stress too much. It’ll all happen in time, don’t worry. Get out and meet people – meet guys – and eventually you will find one that’s worth experiencing this with you. For now, I’m going to refer you to some good books that might be able to make you feel a bit more comfortable and a bit less nervous about doin’ it. And these aren’t just for our dear friend who reached out above; everyone can stand to learn a few new things in the bedroom and I’ve found these guides are the best ones to turn to whether you’re looking for new techniques or new ideas to spice things up.

Sex For Dummies — My high school boyfriend bought this as a joke, and it ended up being both funny and informative. It’s co-written by Dr. Ruth, which makes it extra great.

Real Sex for Real Women — Dr. Laura Berman, a fantastic sex therapist, wrote this one (you may have seen her on a little show called Oprah), and she really breaks down sex from a woman’s perspective.

The Joy of Sex —  An oldie but a goodie, this book has been helping people since the ’70s. I’ve seen it received at many-a-wedding-shower, and I’m sure many clueless virginal newlyweds took to studying this one before their wedding night. Might just be worth checking out.

Good Sex: A Woman’s Guide to Losing Inhibition — When it comes to being inexperienced, it’s normal to be nervous about not knowing quite what to do when the moment to get naked comes. This book breaks down why women are self conscious about the things we’re self conscious about in bed. Seems like it could be a good one for figuring out why we feel the way we feel and how to stop feeling that way.



    1. L says:

      the guide to getting it on should have been listed. it is an amazing guide for sex, hygiene, intimacy, and a lot more.

    2. Anna says:

      Definitely good tips there, but here's a few of my own, if you don't mind-

      The first time, just be determined to get him off. It takes a lot more time than you think it should (especially since you don't really know what you're doing) so just stick it out and don't give up!

      As for the HJ, either lube up some how or use extremely small strokes, because otherwise you're just yanking around some pretty sensitive skin.

      That's all I got:)

    3. Plunk! says:

      I'm going to second The Guide to Getting it On. I bought it when I entered my first same-sex relationship, and ended up learning about so much more!

    4. Claire says:

      This is really a great, frank, open, and IMO accurate guide to giving a great blow job:
      And I have a handful of guy friends/exes/ and my current boyfriend who agree with me. Give it a read. And as silly as it sounds, if you want to try some "tricks" like deepthroating, don't be afraid to practice first on a cucumber or a longneck beer bottle. I've heard of girls getting a little too vigorous on their first deepthroat attempt and vomiting in the guy's lap.

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    6. Jeff says:

      Yeah, just don't be afraid of not succeeding the first time. That's how it happened for me with my first two girlfriends. It took a week or so of bad handjobs before they finally got it. If you find a decent guy, he'll help you through it with positive comments like "I really like it when you…"

      The most important thing though – confidence. People say that guys can get off no matter what, but at least for me, it's not true. Having a confident and sexy-acting girl really put me in the mood and make it MUCH easier.

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    8. Jennifer says:

      Wow, nice to know feminism is dead. Why is it all about him? Yeah, each partner should want to please the other but if your only goal is getting him off be ready for a lot of years of bad sex. Find someone who likes you and wants to make you happy and he'll be glad in turn to show you how to please him.

      Ans besides, yes the first time is always hard but each partner is different and you're going to have to relearn in effect with each person.

      Concentrate on the other stuff and you'll learn the sex part. Believe me, plenty of guys will be glad to show you. Find one who likes you too.

    9. Melissa says:

      I'm sorry, I just have to ask, why would it be so depressing to still be a virgin your junior year?

    10. Cheat Confeesion says:

      Well if you really want to get with a guy that badly to just get experience I'm sure you can go to any bar and find a guy who is more than willing. Girls do have it easier than guys though.No matter what they look like (no offense). But you don't have to do that. I'm sure you can find a nice guy if you put yourself out there. And with in a couple of days you can blow him. Just check out to see how easy it is for women to get men

    11. Ron says:

      As a guy who has been honored to have more than one virgin ask me to do the honors, I won't second guess this girl's feelings or desires. I was a virgin at 23 for my first virgin who became my wife two months later (I'm old fashioned.) I had passed up many chances before this because of a conservative church background and felt obligated to marry my first lover to get more of the feel of naked flesh and because the demographics looked good after dating her for ten months. I overlooked the nasty personality characteristics which later left me feeling relieved when we divorced. As an on-line dater, I met two virgins who were both quite resolved to find the right guy to teach them and was privileged that they both selected me. One was marriage material, but her family was wierd and the other was an assertive law student that just decided it was time to loose it. The sex in both cases was very good; I was careful to make it a great experience and both seemed to have a great time. Our girl here may want to take the online approach, but not advertise that she's a virgin looking to loose it. If a guy can make friends without an obvious agenda and your personalities click, she can ask him to "de-flower" her as the tall, slender blonde from Fargo did with me after 6 months of chatting with no sexual agenda. Good Luck!!

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