The Weekly Ten: I Can’t WAIT for the Jersey Shore!
Love it, hate it or live it, there’s no denying that Jersey Shore fever has swept the nation. You better believe I almost went into full-on, panic attack, shortness of breath and reaching to call 911 on my duck phone for assistance when I saw the 10 minute preview of Jersey Shore 2. Point blank: It looks friggin’ amazing.
Okay, admittedly, I may have a slight infatuation (obsession?) with this show to the point of concern. Let’s just say, I filled out an application in my boyfriend’s name and submitted his photos to the casting company for Jersey Shore. They haven’t stopped calling him since that day. That day was in January. Regardless, I love this show. I think it eliminates all the phony and glossed over drama we see on the Hills, Gossip Girl and every other show geared toward 15-25 year old females. It’s raw, it’s raunchy, it’s the show you love to hate but can’t help but DVR every week.
Let’s count down the reasons I’m counting down to the premiere on July 29th:
10. Tan-spiration? Or “8 Very Good Reasons I should cancel my tanning membership”
Who’s got the most bronzed bod this summer? Snooki already voiced her concerns about Obama’s tan tax, which she was convinced was implemented because of the Jersey Shore (likely true, hopefully the Obama household is tuned in to MTV for the premiere), and has opted for the much healthier spray tan alternative. Will she lose that cooked hot dog plus oompa loompa plus faux Birkin bag look? Or will the hot Miami sun make all things right in the Jerseyverse?
9. The innovative fashions
Seems the gang has upgraded their swag from Ed Hardy to Dolce and Gabbana. The lovely ladies have been spotted from the red carpets and Harper’s Bazaar sporting a tamed, high fashion look. Somehow we doubt these looks will carry from the red carpet to South Beach, but either way, we’ll be delighted to see what barely there top JWoww will be sporting, from her own personal fashion line, and if Pauly D will even bother to wear a shirt. Yummy.
8. Hair, hair, HAIR!
If you want big friggin’ hair, then get amped. This season is already promising diamond studded trucker hats balanced precariously on top of poofs you can see from space. As for the guys, you better believe we’ll be seeing a lot of that perfect Sonic the Hedgehog look with all the hair wax, spray, gel and paste you can get your Cheeto-colored hands on.
7. The brawling
Let’s just hope a girl doesn’t get punched in her kisser again by a ‘roided out gym teacher and leave it at that.
6. The undeniable awkwardness of the broken, betrothed lovers, Sammi Sweetheart and Ronnie
Oh God! The drama! The tension! The heartbreak! I don’t know if I can bear that America’s Couple: Sammi and Ronnie, have reached their end. I mean, nobody saw that one coming. Will The Situation make a move back on Sammi? Will Ronnie find the guidette of his dreams? Will Sammi ever stop being such a miserable person? So many questions, so few brain cells.
There is not a single character on television right now that I love more than Snooki. Forget all those Hills, Laguna and City girls. They have absolutely nothing on Snooki. She has lowered the bar for pretentiousness and cuddled up into our hearts, jar of pickles and banana clip in tow. She is a priceless member of the Jersey Shore family and we can only hope that she will ditch the BF back home and continue to search for the King of the Guidos. If not, wahhhhhhhhh!
4. Hot bods
Come on, who has a nicer set of abs than the Situation or Pauly D? Hate on them all you want, but something about GTL definitely pays off.
I am absolutely loving this new word being thrown around by Pauly and Ronnie. “Courting a female” is now dubbed “creeping!” How cute is that, people? I mean, when you’re all dancing in a club to some Dead Mau5, just getting your fist pump on, and you feel some dude “beating that beat” on you, and not with his fists, and certainly NOT on the floor… you’ve been creeped on.
2. Angelina’s much anticipated (or not?) return to the house
Oh joy! I am so, so glad this day has finally come! Queen C**k Block has returned, the Kim Kardashian of Staten Island. Let’s just pray that JWoww brings the pain right to this girl’s face (see #7), if Miss Angelina doesn’t storm out within 2 episodes.
1. IT’S IN MIAMI B***H!
Come ON! The hottest city, with the hottest people? South Beach? Clubs everywhere you look? Miami makes Seaside Heights look like Hutchinson, Kansas and Mansion makes Karma look like Chuck-E Cheese. In the words of the great William Smith- Party in the city where the heat is on! I. CAN’T. WAIT!