Sexy Time: The Rules of The FWB

If there’s one way to complicate a friendship, it would be to add sex to the mix. This “hook-up culture,” as it has been so nicely labeled by middle-agers, seems to be the norm on college campuses everywhere. Students are much more likely to have a few drinks and go home with a friend, than go on a “real” dinner-and-a-movie date.

By Ness

In a way, it kind of makes sense. There aren’t many people that we trust more than our friends, and when you spend a lot of time with a person of the opposite sex, it’s easy to let the hormones kick in and go with the sexy flow. It’s easy to have sex with a friend – someone who may have even picked up on your likes and dislikes from your previous trysts.

With a friend, sex kind of feels natural — something that was “a long time coming.”  And this is the part where I make the blatant statement that everyone with a FWB doesn’t want to admit – believe it or not, having sex with someone on a regular basis, even when you don’t put a “label” on it, is still a relationship.

Maybe not the kind of relationship in which you call each other late and night just to say “I love you,” or the kind where you bring them home to your parents  — but it’s something. You’re still single when you have a FWB, of course, but if sex is happening on a regular basis, your partner deserves the exact same courtesies that a boyfriend or girlfriend would.

I have a rule, and not to push my beliefs onto others, but it’s something that I feel pretty strongly that all people should follow: if you’re having sex with someone, they deserve to know if you start f**king someone else.

Sex, no matter if it’s protected or not, carries risk. While condoms are the only thing that protect against STIs, they are still not effective 100% of the time. Infections happen, and (potentially even worse) pregnancy can happen.

Since FWBs are typically of the non-monogamous variety (or else it’s just a normal relationship… sorry) there’s no “rule” claiming you both can’t have other partners. So if you’re going to sleep around, let your FWB know – out of sexual safety and just common courtesy.  If your FWB has a problem with you being with other people – it’s not as NSA as you were planning.

Bottom line – be honest. The hurt feelings from honesty wear off much faster than the hurt feelings from months of lying. As great as sex can be, and as much as sex tends to change the dynamics of a friendship, remember that it’s friends, not enemies, with benefits.