One Month Challenge: Giving Up Gossiping, Week One

[Everyone’s got a vice, a bad habit, something they know they need to change. Unfortunately, everyone also has a million excuses why they just can’t do it. Not anymore. Every month we will be following a different CollegeCandy writer as she takes on a personal challenge. Last month we joined Jill on her journey to face her fears. This month we're following Christie on her quest to stop gossiping. Yeah, this is gonna be a toughie.]

By Christie

We all do it. When we are with a group of friends, we search around the room and lean in, giggling. Sideways glances and nasty whispers. There is nothing like a good gossip sesh to make you feel in the loop, and in control. Sometimes a scapegoat is all you need to make an otherwise terrible day better.

Therefore for the month of July, I am going to improve myself by doing for what many girls (and most men) would be the unthinkable: I am going to give up gossiping.

To make this challenge a little more specific, let’s set some parameters. Gossiping is something I’m sure we are all familiar with, but it helps to clearly define what would otherwise be a pretty vague goal. Here are the things I must do for this month:

I cannot say anything negative or judgmental about anyone, regardless of how I feel about the person. If I overhear gossip, I must say something positive about the person or persons being discussed and aim the conversation in a more positive direction. Finally, me telling my girlfriends (or anyone, for that matter) facts does not count as gossip. For instance, if my best friend asks me who was at a party and what happened I could tell her “Tina,” not “that backstabber Tina.” I could also relay how Tina made out with lots of  (taken) guys, if that question is specifically asked. No further comment necessary or allowed with this challenge.

So many rumors have been spread about not only my family and friends, but about me as well. How hard can it be to stop the hate? Maybe not saying vile things about people we don’t really know is the first step in, I don’t know, happiness. I know I feel a pang of guilt every time I cut another person down.

I’m not saying that I have to become a total bore who sits on the sidelines and reprimands my friends. I’m not even promising not to be a cantankerous, catty bitch when I’ve had a bad day. I am giving up gossiping, though, because the fact of the matter is most of the time we gossip it’s because we’ve just run out of things to say to each other. So we spout these opinions that, frankly, do nothing but spread negativity and are rarely based on any truth.

To make sure I kept to my challenge, I told my family, my boyfriend, and my closest friends about it. That way if I started reverting back to my old ways, they would immediately remind me to stop.

It’s a good thing too, because these past few days have been pretty hard. Gossip just bubbles up inside me subconsciously and before I knew what was going on, it was coming out of my mouth. I’d often find myself in mid-judgmental-sentence when all of a sudden someone would remind me I couldn’t say that anymore. For the first day they were really good about it and really understanding. Then they started making excuses for me. “Well, that doesn’t really count as gossip,” they would say. But I would immediately be quiet and say something nice about the person, then change the subject.

So, thus far, I have only had a few mishaps. Until yesterday, when my mother thought it would be fun to ask me all about my former classmates in high school and in middle school. Not only did I have to tell her what they were up to, she would ask things like “why did you guys never get along?” Talk about cruel.

I’m not even going to lie to you and say that I didn’t give into temptation. I tried, I really tried, and I seemed to be doing okay until she asked about someone I never got along with in high school (understatement of the century; we hated each other). I found myself getting mad just thinking about her, and I opened my mouth ready to tell my mother all about it when she had a light bulb go off.

“Oh wait, you can’t talk about people, never mind.”

Thanks, mom. Getting me all worked up and then not letting me answer means I have to say something nice about her. I said something nice, albeit begrudgingly, and realized how hard this challenge is really going to be… for the next 4 weeks.

After all, I live in a small town where gossip is everyone’s favorite pastime. Maybe (fingers crossed) next week will be easier.