7 Reasons Why I Hate to Love a Military Boy

July 4, 2010 4:00 pm     Posted in Relationships  Meg- University of Delaware g+ page

I’ve always admired those in the military, but when I found out that my boyfriend was going to be one of them, I have to admit that I wasn’t exactly thrilled. Sure, being in the Air Force seemed really intriguing, but for someone else. Someone I wouldn’t have to miss at dinner or on the couch.


By Meg

OK, I’ll admit it, I love me a man in uniform. It’s patriotic, it’s manly and it’s down right sexy. Whether he’s in blues, fatigues and a white tee or the full Marine garb, there’s just something in it for me that I can’t even put into words. However, when it changed over from wide-eyed gawking on my weekend trip to Annapolis to stressing and pacing next to my computer until I got an email response, I knew I’d gotten myself into trouble. A long distance relationship is one thing, but a military relationship is a whole ‘nother.

I know I love the kid, but sometimes it just plain sucks.

1. He’s far away. You’re probably thinking “UMM duhhhh”, but just knowing he can’t be there to hold your hand or sit next to you on the couch (let alone any other physical need/want…) really sucks sometimes.

2. Time difference. Whether he’s in Iraq, Japan or just in boot camp in Alabama, there’s bound to be only a very small frame of time you can make any form of communication at all. And there’s quite a difference between a video chat/phone call and having an email waiting when you wake up.

3. He’s like an old man. I’m going to be a little bit selfish here, but I hate that my boy has to go to bed by 9pm in order to wake up for duty at 5am. I’m up for another 5 hours usually (time difference included…) Not only does this cut off our chatting time, but sometimes hearing from him right before I go to sleep is the only thing I wanna do!

4. No time at home. To counter my selfish #4, I hate that he doesn’t have time with his family. Being a very family oriented person myself, I miss my family and dogs and I get to see them once a month! I know that if it’s putting a strain on me while he’s gone, it must be putting a major strain on his fam too.

5. S-t-r-e-s-s. This should probably be number one, but making sure he is safe, healthy and doing okay stresses me out to no end. I know there’s nothing I can do either way, but that makes it so much worse! I definitely have that very stereotypical need to nurture my man, and getting bad news and knowing there’s nothing I can do about it really hurts sometimes.

6. Guilt. Whenever I mention the great time I had with my friends, how we got drinks at the bar and we stayed out all night and skipped class the next day, I immediately realize how much I suck for even mentioning it. He’s always happy that I’m happy, but I feel guilt for the fact that I can go out, have a good time and shirk on my responsibilities when he can do none of the above.

7. Frustration. I had to say it. Sure, its annoying to have a dry spell, but its straight frustrating when you know you can get some, but you physically can’t. Back to delay-timed sexting and day dreaming for me.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud of and grateful for what I have, but I know I’m not the only one out there with the same whining voice in my head day in and day out. I’m in love with one of America’s heroes and it’s all at once a great feeling and a giant pit in my stomach.

How does everyone else deal with their boys (or girls!) being away for what seems like forever? Any other nagging complaints? Let it out!

29 Comments on "7 Reasons Why I Hate to Love a Military Boy"

  1. l.212 says:
    Sun, 4th Jul 20106:00 pm 

    I'm sort of involved with a boy in the military too (I say "sort of" b/c he wants to start a relationship but I'm kind of scared to!) He's a combat engineer so when he goes on deployments to places like Iraq he goes looking for bombs all day :

    All the reasons you listed are partly why I'm not sure if I'm ready to start a relationship with a guy in the army but maybe at the end of the day it's all worth it!

  2. Mal says:
    Mon, 5th Jul 201010:23 am 

    My boyfriend is in boot camp for the Marine Corps right now, and it already sucks to be away from him. It's hard to deal with it, and I'm with you, I always thought men in uniform were great…for someone else. But now apparently a Marine's gonna be great for me too!

    In all honesty, it's hard to date a man in the military, there's no denying it. But it just makes you stronger, more independent, and by the time marriage would come around, very sure whether you want to keep this lifestyle up or not.

    I found a bumper sticker online that said "Sexually deprived for your freedom!" That's the truth.

  3. Roxie says:
    Tue, 6th Jul 20106:46 am 

    I agree with 1.212

    I just started 'seeing' a combat engineer, who's getting deployed for 14 months.

    We've agreed that we aren't going to commit to anything as a relationship. But that doesn't mean I won't be worried the entire time he's gone. I'm hoping we'll be able to keep in touch, but won't know for sure til he gets over there.

  4. Jenn says:
    Wed, 7th Jul 20103:18 pm 

    Im married to an Air Force man. He is my best friend and the love of my life. He has deployed twice since I have known him and the 2nd time we were dating. My best friend helped me through it all. My man said I could go out with my best friend when he was not around and party but he wanted me to be safe and obviously not cheat. Being with somebody in the military is a a job in itself but if you truly love that person and truly wnat to be with him/her you will be the best you can at that job. He/she will have more freedom once they are out of basic training and tech training. Good luck to all with a military love.

  5. Nicole says:
    Wed, 7th Jul 201010:08 pm 

    Maybe because I'm a military brat (both of my parents are in the Army) and I'm used to them being away and stuff, it doesn't seem too difficult to date a military man. Hell, I told myself in the 4th grade that I was going to marry into military if I didn't join. XD

  6. amanda says:
    Tue, 13th Jul 20108:28 pm 

    in one week im set to marry the man ive known since i was fifteen. hes joining very shortly. weve been long distance almost our whole relationship. If you can make it long distance you can make it through anything. sometimes you just cant be without each other. When hes worth it you know :P

  7. D says:
    Wed, 14th Jul 20107:27 pm 

    I completely get the old man thing, UGH! I used to stay up with my Air Force man every night until 1 or 2 in the morning, but now he's in bed by 9! The best way I've learned to cope with deployment is by meeting other military wives (the ones my age). They completely understand what I'm going through, and it's nice to have someone to talk to and hang out with when my babe is off on a deployment. As much as I love my friends who aren't in a military relationship, they just don't understand the difficulties that are presented that most people don't have to face in a regular relationship.

  8. Jeremy says:
    Mon, 26th Jul 20108:18 pm 

    ( I accidently stumbled on this…was floored a bit.) I am a sergeant in the army, and an amateur mixed martial artist. I am married to a fellow kickboxer and we are expecting our first child in December. I am on my second tour to Iraq. Of course the relationship is a sacrifice. You shouldnt waste your time, or the soldier's. If you can't tough it out for a year, in order to spend the rest of your lives together, you are not strong enough. Chances are, the man in your life will rely on your support, and facing death and tragedy will use you as his "rock" more than you could ever imagine. I see so many people over here go through hell dealing with a wishy-washy significant other, and I've also seen leaders make poor judgement calls in combat situations because they had the mind on the wife that simply could not grasp monogamy. I am so blessed to have an amazing partner, and surely my soulmate. She knows, and I do my damnest to remind her that I will never take her for granted.

  9. milspouseintraining says:
    Wed, 28th Jul 20102:40 am 

    My husband is in the military (Air Force) and I wouldnt trade it for the world. Everybody speaks and thinks only about the difficult things about being a military spouse or girlfriend but there is so many good things too. I live in JAPAN. How many people can say they got married at 18 years old and then moved to japan a month later? Not that many. There are also hard things to endure with the significant other like having to deal with the fact that you might be alone for christmas in japan (like i did b/c he was gone in afghanistan). but this is life as a military spouse and you suck it up and do it for the one you love. If you truely say "i would do anything for this man" then you said you would do ANYTHING including giving up all your selfish needs for him. I am sorry for getting to caught up in this but it greatly disturbes me when someone doesnt commit when the guy just suddenly wants to become an airman, marine, sailor, or soldier.

    -Alexandra

  10. AFretired27yrs says:
    Wed, 28th Jul 20103:07 am 

    Military spouses are one of a kind. The commitment is not an easy one. A military souse to be must understand that the relationship is one where compromise is a must. The cost of compromise is to always put yourself second. In my 27 years i saw marriage break because the concept of second was unacceptable. A a leader in the AF I preached "If you cannot do the mission, get out or I will help you out." Spouses came to me at me desk threatening suicide if I put their spouse on the deployment list one more time. I once had harm against my own spouse threatened.

    One may ask what gets you through – the answer what ever it takes in our case – faith, family, then the job. No matter where I was in the world, and I have been in some really bad places and really great places – I always made time for my faith and my family. Even if that time was a few lines in two minute prayer or lines in a letter written over a 2 month period. Everyday – had time for faith and family. We are reaping the benefits today. We got married in Jany 1983 – I was five years in already – and we are 5 years into our second career together – 27 years of service and going into 28 ears of marriage.

  11. BridalBlogger says:
    Fri, 13th Aug 201011:16 am 

    I just married my favorite person in the world, and the next day he got sent to Survival Training for a month. What I hate the most is not being able to find a support group with a sense of humor like mine. Yes, I understand, admire, and share the sense of duty, but seriously? I need to know Carrie Bradshaw could survive this, not June Cleaver.

    It's very lonely when no one talks about the very obvious negative side of this, and guilt-ridden! Thanks for posting.

  12. ArmyWife23 says:
    Tue, 24th Aug 20108:46 pm 

    I totally understand. I am a military wife & absolutely hate it!!! I refuse to join military support groups for military families because they never want to talk about the negative aspects. If I try to speak honestly about how I feel, they jump down my throat for daring to be human and call me weak. LOL So, I am doing everything that I can to convince my husband to not re-enlist. If he does, I will ask for divorce because I do not want to be a part of the military any more!

  13. Gaby says:
    Thu, 16th Sep 201011:20 pm 

    Everyhing in this post is exactly how I feel. My guy is in the navy and I have only seen him 3 days the past four months. I talk to him everyday and thank god for skype. Our relationship hasn't been the best, the distance is extremely frustrating. I've had my moments where i just want to call it quits and find someone who I can actually spend time with. But I think about having a future with my bf, a real future. Getting married and starting a family. And I just can't picture my life without him. He always says things are going to get worse before they get better, and it's true. But I know for a fact that he's worth it. I have never met a guy as truly amazing as him. I can't say I ever wanted to fall in love with a guy in the military, but I did and I wouldn't have it any other way.

  14. Jessa says:
    Fri, 14th Jan 20112:09 am 

    If you truly love your marine you would think of how hard the distance is on him. You get to go out with friend, and do what you please, but he is fighting for our country. He never gets the option to go out and party for the night, he needs you to be strong. He may act like a strong man but he needs you to be there for him. He sees death and destruction everyday.

    I’m 18 years old and I have been with and loved my marine boyfriend for the past year. I’ve learned that your never goin to find a more respectful, caring, honest, or loving man, than marine. I have learned that I have to put my emotions aside and be there for him. The time spent apart is worth the lifetime of love and happiness that we are going to have together.

    When you feel like quitting or giving up jus remember the times that you have together and the life that is to come. deployment is hard on the loved ones back home, but think of what he is goin through. If you can’t stay with him through it all then don’t waste his time. It will jus be harder on both of you.

    - Semper Fi

  15. kayla orourke says:
    Mon, 21st Feb 201110:21 pm 

    OH MY GOODNESS!!! I know EXACTLY how you feel girl! My boyfriend for almost a year, love of my life, never found anyone like him, is in his 3rd week of basic training and I already have to try my hardest to stay busy and not look at my phone every 5 minutes in fear of missing that phone call. I miss my airmen like crazy! And do you not just want to laugh and roll your eyes when people try to explain their LOCAL guy problems??!?? I don't know if its just me who feels this way, but I can NOT listen to people complain about a boyfriend that didn't text them last night when I'm dying for a phone call, letter, smoke signal, something! I'm sorry to rant, but reading your post..I felt like I was reading my everyday interior monologue. All I can say is that I totally understand…

  16. kayla orourke says:
    Mon, 21st Feb 201110:22 pm 

    The only advice I have from my 3 weeks of experience is that don't plan for your futures together…but don't live in your relationship's past…you've got to appreciate each day in those exact moments. I know it sounds almost cold but, I found it's so much easier when you live in the day-by-day moments instead of freak over "what if.."s I hope this helps, thank you so much for your post!

  17. Nicole says:
    Sun, 20th Mar 20114:01 am 

    Couldn't agree more! Just got out of a 6 year relationship with a guy who was in the army, just to jump back into another who is ALSO in the army…it is very difficult.

  18. DNavyGirl says:
    Fri, 25th Mar 201111:11 pm 

    Yeah, it really sucks. My BF is in the Navy, has been in basic training for a few months, and it's honestly been awful for me. You think that time would help you get used to the distance thing, but it's only been harder since he started boot camp, especially once he started basic training. I swear I cry more an more each time he has to leave me.

  19. Jasmine says:
    Sat, 2nd Apr 20112:38 pm 

    Such a good blog post :) Feel exactly the same. I live in the UK and my boyfriend is based in Germany with the army. It's so hard knowing hes only a plane away but I cant see him! Also yes hes always wanting to go to sleep so early. I visited him in Germany for the weekend and he fell asleep at 8pm the day before I left-needless to say I was not impressed! being in love with a military man is tough and many come out with the usual "If you cant hack if then leave it" lines. But thats completely unfair! Yes there having the most difficult time of their lives when their on deployment and training but we have it difficult to ! Im constantly feeling as though my life is becoming more and more focused on him and his career and waiting up for him to call me. but at the end of the day, if I love him I know I have to stick with it and support him otherwise I wont get all the good things! Like falling asleep in his arms, or pretending to cuddle on the phone, or letting him pretend I have a gunshot so he can show me how he'd save someones life :) my man is truly special and I can honestly say that I can see our future together Oh My Days is it a good one :) Hes leaving for afghanistan tomorow and Ive been an emotional wreck but I know hes strong and smart and caring and will come home to me safe and sound :)

  20. colt says:
    Thu, 14th Apr 20113:37 am 

    gahhh… i leave for basic in 11 weeks. my girlfriend is going nuts. im her only friend and her only support. i feel like an ass for leaving, but this is who i am. i cant mention the army without making her depressed. i have a 4 year contract and i plan on re-enlisting. she says she doesnt want me to but it is a great job and ill change my mos from infantry to something more safe when i re-enlist so it will make her feel better. so stressed. im excited to start my career, but i am going to go through hell when i leave. she is my best friend and my true love (cheesey but true). if she leave while im gone i wont be able to do anything, i need her… fuhhhhhhq…

  21. Natalie says:
    Thu, 5th Jan 201210:32 pm 

    I'm nineteen and with a Marine boyfriend too. I completely agree with what you mean about never finding a better man than a marine. I just hate thinking of him being in danger and of all the stuff he has to go through. Putting the emotions aside is the one thing I'm having the most trouble with and I think he is too. I hate waiting for him to call and it never coming and when he does call I miss it. For us its more like we're never able to be there for each other. The only thing that really keeps us going is the hope for a good future and the possibilities that will come after he comes home.

    - Semper Fi

  22. Angela says:
    Thu, 17th May 20123:19 am 

    I know it’s been a while since you’ve posted this, but I was in the same boat as you three months ago. But then my Airman and I have conquered all of that. Just three days ago, I let my Airman move without me. Taking him to the airport by yourself, has to be the hardest thing ever! I’ve learned my lesson, but what I’m trying to say is if you love this boy, don’t put the military first, but put him first. He may put the military before you, but just know that he loves you and will do anything for you. Don’t take your time with him for granted either, because when that time is up you feel like the world is pretty much over. But I’m glad to have met my Airman, he has shown me soo much love and suport, and I’ve only known him for three months, but in those three months we grew close to each other, and realized we really do love each other, and I can’t wait for the day he becomes me husband.

  23. armywife says:
    Sat, 26th May 201211:38 pm 

    I totally hate the army i just got married one month ago and have been with him for almost 4 years. I love him to death but he has changed ever sense we got married.He goes out with his friends and partys while im like 20 states away from him due to school. It breaks my heart to be so apart of course the military is great on the out side man in uniform,paycheck,housing etc… but it also takes away from who you are. I have to revolve my life around his work and his friends which i am sick of. So far my marriage is falling apart, it sucks to see him leave for months. I worry that he might not make it home but he doesn’t see that because he is so committed in his job. I wouldnt recommend marrying a military man its not the life i was expecting. But i made the commitment to wait for him 10 more years after his second contract and thats what i will do even if it hurts to see him leave.

  24. Sarah says:
    Sat, 14th Jul 201211:39 pm 

    I am dating a Marine and he been deployed for over a year in Iraq! ugh i just keep my self busy with school and work mostly but i put it all on hold once a call, letter, e-mail, video chat, etc. comes though just so i have those few mintues to hear his voice. i constanly replay voice mails from calli miss from him. being a militlary wife or girlfriend is hard but keep at it its well worth the wait once he is back in you arms.

  25. Yumi says:
    Sun, 15th Jul 20127:24 pm 

    I totally agree with you! I love my marine :) .
    just hate it when he goes out to the field…

  26. Tia says:
    Mon, 13th Aug 201210:34 am 

    i might not know you but you have made my day with this ive felt the same way and your comment just gave me the confidence to make it through the day and at the end of the day that is all i can ask for.. thank you so much :)

  27. Kelsea says:
    Tue, 14th Aug 201210:28 am 

    Tell her that she's not the only military girl out there. Have her find a support group online so that if she's having a hard time, she'll be able to talk to them because they know exactly what that situation feels like. Give her stuff that will remind her of the good times that you've had together, like wallet-size pictures so that you are always with her (I put mine in my wallet). She's not alone, and you can do this. It will take a lot of work & trust, but if you keep looking up instead of down, then you'll have no problem. Just keep thinking positive, both of you. If one of you are thinking negative, it will worry both of you. Keep your heads up, and good luck.

  28. DJG says:
    Mon, 13th May 20133:09 pm 

    Hey! I totally get you. I have a sense of humor about this whole thing too. Fine what they do is honorable but we are the ones sex deprived! among other things! Sucks!!!

  29. DJG says:
    Mon, 13th May 20133:12 pm 

    Thats so sweet. I applaude you.

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