The Post-Grad Journey: Will You Be My Friend?

July 6, 2010 Posted in College, Reality

In elementary school, I made friends in the sandbox – sharing my buckets and shovels. In middle school, I made friends by being that new girl from California living in a small Georgia town. In high school, I made friends by joining the newspaper and writing about my misfortunes of high school dating in an all-too honest column. In college, I made friends and bonded with them over two hour road-trips, Britney Spears’ Greatest Hits, and gas station food. Looking back, the whole process of making friends has always seemed easy, but now what?

I’m out of college, on the opposite side of the country, living with my dad who thinks he is starring in his own comedy sitcom, and completely alone. Those closest to me are elsewhere. My boyfriend is on the opposite coast. My best friend is in the middle of Atlanta. My dearest, bestie ever is living in South Africa! My college friends are strewn across the USA. And here I am, writing about how to make friends at 22 years of age without an inkling of what to do.

In all honesty, I’m actually surprised with the sudden need to make friends. Going into my senior year of college, the girls I thought were my friends for life broke up with me. The friend break-up was a major wake-up call! Although it ended up being one of the best things that happened to me, and I was really lucky to get out of that situation, I will admit – it made me very cautious and guarded about people and their intentions. During senior year, the word “friendship” was completely out of my vocabulary.

But just like with any break-up, there comes a point when you feel ready to give it another go. I think I’m ready to find a friend or someone out here that I can hang out with, shop with, and do friend things with. Even though I’m incredibly busy, I can’t spend all of my time working, writing, studying for the LSAT, and never have social interaction. Oh, and as much as I love spending time with my dad, there is only so much time you can spend with a 50-year-old chain smoking business man that frequently quotes Judge Judy.

Although it hasn’t been quite a full month on this post-grad journey, I will admit that making friends has become a priority of something I want in my life. I’m in this new place so I think it’s only natural to want to spend time with other people and make new memories, especially now that I’m out of college and everything is so different than it was two months ago when I was still on campus.

But what am I supposed to do to meet people? Go to the bar? Although I love Snooki from The Jersey Shore, I have to admit – I’m not looking for a fist-pumping shore girl to hang out with. And the whole idea of a bar makes things seem kinda sleezy. I want to make friends, not be accosted by sketchy guys. Also, I rather have quality – not quantity – and I don’t know what kind of quality people I will be finding under flashing lights, techno beats, and the help of a few vodka collins’! Plus, how does one make friends at a bar? Do I need a pick-up line? Do I ask for her number?

This is making me contemplate putting up one of those personal ads on Craigslist – “In Search of a Friend.” How creepy, right? Maybe I could even add an application for people to fill out, if they want to be my friend and then I can rank the applicants based upon their responses to my friend application?

OK, obviously, Craigslist is not the answer!

Maybe, if I ever find a job, I will meet people my own age. But until then, it looks like my best friend will continue to be me. And my pops.

Really, what’s a post-college girl to do?

6589624 Comments2010-07-06+19%3A00%3A35Charlsie+-+Hollins+University on "The Post-Grad Journey: Will You Be My Friend?"

m says:
Tue, 6th Jul 20109:23 am

omg i have this same problem! i don't know waht to do about it. i work but one place is full of older men – i'm a receptionist so that's a no go and theres only another intern where i intern at.

i'm thinking of giving craigslist a go! is that crazy?

Kate says:
Tue, 6th Jul 201012:00 pm

I'm having the same issue as well! I just graduated last month and started my job with a couple people around my age, but we don't really click so they're not the kind of people I'd want to hang out with outside of the office. I keep reading that I should join classes or volunteer and such, but then I think back to those times I've done that in the past and I've never actually made any friends/met anyone my own age doing these things.

Anyone have any different/creative ideas? Or even better, anyone from Cincinnati who could offer more specific advice?

Emily says:
Tue, 6th Jul 201012:04 pm

do you have even one acquaintance? what i did was asked my acquaintance to just hang on a night he went out. I ended up meeting a few girls he knew on a couple occasions, and one of the girls was so similar to me and we hit it off instantly. My acquaintance was only in town for a few days, but now I have a real friend! She spent an hour talking to me on the phone just now about my boy woes, and we're hanging out this week sans the dude.

The people you barely know don't have to become your bffs, but maybe some of the people they know might become friends.

Katie says:
Tue, 6th Jul 201012:13 pm

I'm in pretty much the same boat as you guys. I've heard a ton of good things about meetup.com, but I haven't had time to do anything on there myself (and I can admit that I'm a little scared to try it as well). Seems like it would be something good to try out though, has anyone else tried it?

boa1 says:
Tue, 6th Jul 20104:40 pm

i feel your pain my friend!! i started university a year ago and i still dont know anyone,meaning that i dont have anyone to hangout with or to study with. i hate it because i used to have the same clique ttru high schooll and college but now we are all split up around the town doing different things and some of the friends i had started to have an attitude with me so i dont talk to some of them at the moment…but as for the university, i found out that me being alone is my own fault because i figured that i always wait for other ppl to approach me because im too shy to aboard anyone. a few ppl talk to me in some of my classes but i dont pursue anything so i never end up being friend with those persons.maybe u have the same problem so i suggest that you take action and instead of waiting for ppl to approach you, go and talk to them!! i will follow this advice as well for the next semester!! good luck!

Mer says:
Tue, 6th Jul 20107:53 pm

I am having the same problem! There are less than 5,000 people in my town and making friends is impossible because I already know everyone and even at 22 everyone my age has kids, a boy, or a drug problem.

Charlsie - Hollins U says:
Tue, 6th Jul 20109:14 pm

Too bad we all don't live near each other, right? Then we all could be friends — problem solved!

M says:
Wed, 7th Jul 20104:50 am

Heh…I'm having the same problem and I'm still in college…

melissa says:
Wed, 7th Jul 20106:15 am

i have the same dilemma… I need new friends but I'm out of school and the people at my workplace are old -_-

Nicole says:
Wed, 7th Jul 20106:22 am

If your dad still lives in the same city you did when growing up, why not try reconnecting with people you were friends with back in the day? Or help him organize a BBQ for his friends AND their families if they have kids around your age. It sounds lame, but I met one of my best friends at a BBQ given by one of my dad's co-workers who had just moved to the area.

didi says:
Wed, 7th Jul 201010:31 pm

Haha, seriously… I almost made a craigslist ad for this. But then I thought about all those creepy, crazy people who will be responding. I'm a native California girl transplanted in Georgia for a year or two, so I feel your pain.

E says:
Fri, 9th Jul 20107:56 am

been out of college for about half a year now and i feel you! i am the newest addition to my workplace and they already have established friends. i met some great girls at a party for my roommate's husband, though. and the only people i knew at the party were my roommate and her husband! so sometimes you have to be willing to put yourself in a few uncomfortable situations. i agree with kate about the lameness of trying to meet someone through volunteering-they're either ancient or trying to pad a resume. besides, who wants to be friends with the too-cool stick figure from yoga class anyways?

A says:
Fri, 9th Jul 201010:46 am

I would reccomend taking up something new and really social like martial arts–you have to find a place with a good vibe. Where I used to go took martial arts seriously, but was an incredibly good place to socialize. I made friends from all different age groups because we had this one huge thing in common. We constantly had to switch partners for drills, so naturally people chatted and bonded. People always went out for drinks or checked out tournaments together. Good luck! It sounds like there are pleanty of people in your shoes who would be thrilled to make a new friend =)

S says:
Sat, 10th Jul 20108:28 pm

I know how you feel, and agree with A above me!! I've found a really good way to meet people is by finding a group or even just a few people who share common interests with you (like painting, volunteering, cooking, etc). Then once you have common ground through the hobbies you already like you can develop the friendship. =)

I really recommend http://www.meetup.com. I found a group where people want to meet up and have weekly runs with me. It's pretty fun, and I'm doing what I love to do/would do normally, only I'm now meeting people through it.

Charlsie - Hollins U says:
Sun, 11th Jul 20102:20 pm

These are all really helpful ideas. I am definitely in the process of finding some kind of activity where I can meet people, and I'm looking into a few options. Don't worry — I'll feature my outcomes in future post-grad journeys!

E says:
Mon, 12th Jul 20109:08 am

I have a friend who is an atheist, and so she joined the local atheist group and now she has a ton of new friends who she has something in common with. I'm a closet goth, and so I'm going to goth events around town (I live in Boston) and hope to make friends that way (going my first time this Saturday!). Museums often have social events as well – two of the art museums here have social events every month, see what museums in your area have. Diving into a hobby can also be a great way to meet local friends who are your age and into stuff that you're into (book club, pick up an instrument and see if the local Conservatory has social events or group lessons).

If you're interested in some kind of social event but can't find anything in your town, see if you can use the 'nets to find people who'd like to start one up with you!

Hope I helped.. good luck!

Amber says:
Mon, 12th Jul 20109:22 am

I actually did the craigslist thing and met my best friend by replying to her ad. Wouldnt do it again, but its an option!

Other than that we only have a few other friends. I live in my college town, but everyone moved away after we graduated. I work with a few people who are nice, but not bff material. Going to try meetup, but scared.

Any other ideas?

Kate says:
Fri, 16th Jul 20105:45 pm

I've heard of meetup.com and checked it out, but the groups I was looking at only seemed to be attracting older people (well, not old.. but I'm 21 and they're all at least mid-30s). Maybe better than nothing though? I just feel weird creating a profile, saying I'll attend some event, and then walking up to a group of strangers and being like hey let's be bffs haha.. any success stories?

Erika says:
Sun, 1st Aug 20106:44 pm

ok i will be blunt.

Erika says:
Sun, 1st Aug 20106:51 pm

ok i will be blunt. is that you in that picture? youre cute. that said, are you insane. you have your own plAce. youre own room at least. will you kindly stfu though? I mean, clerly youre just a spoied brat if all you can do is complain. just push your boobs up, give em a shimmy and let all hell break loose. buy some shit.

Erika says:
Sun, 1st Aug 20106:54 pm

*clearly, spoiled, sh*T

Erika says:
Sun, 1st Aug 20106:57 pm

ok last cmnt i promise….if youre in new yorkor boston we should hang.

Jayne says:
Sun, 8th Aug 20102:47 pm

Charlsie I recently discovered your blog and it is my life story! Except I just moved back home to OC-I still have good friends in the area from hs but totally know how you feel!-Everyone I know didn't move away from home like I did for college and are pretty busy while I am sitting at home looking for jobs waiting to hang out with someone on their day off-its pretty pathetic lol. Anyways if you ever need someone to shop around with you, you can def let me know and I'm not a physco I promise haha

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