Beth says:
Thu, 8th Jul 20106:29 am 

People who aren't in LDRs truly will never understand them. My husband has been working out of town for a little over a year now… I see him for maybe 3-4 days every 10-18 days, tops.

It blows. It gets easier after a time, but after getting to spend a few days together, it's that much harder when they have to leave again.

It'll be worth it when you guys get to be together 100% again. (or at least I keep telling myself that, LOL)

Meghan says:
Thu, 8th Jul 20106:32 am 

I hope you're right…my boyfriend and I are in an LDR for the summer and I get the chance to see him in a week. We've been talking all the time and everything, but I'm just afraid that something's changed or the weekend won't be enough to help us through another month and a half until September.

Lola says:
Thu, 8th Jul 20106:55 am 

What I want to ask is this, sure you're in a LDR but where does all of this lead to? For instance, there's obviously marriage. Or moving in together. Or something. For couples who live in the same state, it's easy to see a future together. Because they'll probably stay in that state. For a LDR, who moves where? For relationships, all sorts, I feel like one of the biggest things that drive the relationship forward is knowing that you'll get somewhere with that person, be it marriage or whatever else.

Meghan says:
Thu, 8th Jul 201011:35 am 

LDRs are not easy but as I see it, dealing with distance can only do two things, break up a relationship or come out stronger on the other side.

Nancy says:
Thu, 8th Jul 20101:50 pm 

Thanks for this article. I just graduated from UNC (right up I-40 from you,haha) …and my bf and I were luckily both offered jobs- but one's in Charlotte, the other in Atlanta. I seriously considered turning mine down and moving to Atl with him, but I'm going to tough it out and see how it goes. I start work on Monday, and I'm already freaking out being away from him…for 4 days. This is going to be a lot harder than I thought.

I enjoyed your last article- it's encouraging to hear about someone who's been/going through the same type of situation, and to know that it can work out.

Best of luck to you!

tissue says:
Thu, 8th Jul 20101:52 pm 

International LDR's are so darn hard. :/ You get to see them once a year if you're lucky.

M says:
Thu, 8th Jul 20105:33 pm 

I'm in an LDR (though we do get to spend the summer together) and I definitely agree with all of this except #4. Neither of us has ever tried to end it, and I've never wondered why I'm doing it, because I know. I'm doing it because we love each other.

But yeah, #3 is super-true. I'm so sick of people who have no experience with this trying to tell me how to live my life. Bleh.

Amanda says:
Fri, 9th Jul 20109:33 am 

Ohh I feel you. My bf lives in Madrid. I haven't seen him since last year, but I do finally have a ticket to Spain for August!

We broke up for 4 months once, because it's so hard… but that didn't work out, lol.

V says:
Fri, 9th Jul 20108:17 pm 

LDRs could definitely work if the strength of the commitment is mutual. However, I was in a LDR where I saw my boyfriend at least once a month (which is much more frequently than most people in LDRs) but I talked to him about once a week. Essentially, he was content with the arrangement of loving each other from afar and that did not suit me at all. I was always the one contacting him, etc. Girls and guys can sometimes have different priorities, especially when it comes to LDRs. If you're going to make it work, you need to communicate fairly frequently and make sure you're on the same wavelength when it comes to how much effort you want to put into it. Because let's face it, LDRs require a lot of work.

Marcy says:
Sat, 10th Jul 201012:30 am 

My bf and I are in a LDR for the summer. We live on opposite coasts, and so visiting is out of the question. He works a lot, so with the time difference, it's hard to get to talk to him– he doesn't text or call, so we're limited to FB chat (so high school, I know) or the very, very rare Skype. I talk to him every 3-4 days, tops. It's so tough! I'm worried this lack of communication is going to have a negative effect on our relationship, and I gotta admit– those 3-4 days between conversations are TOUGH. But it's all worth it when we do get to talk.

Still. 43 days left…

Kelsey says:
Sun, 11th Jul 201012:52 pm 

This article is so true, although I will say all of you in LDRs for just the summer are very lucky. I'm in an LDR for all of undergrad, and then we both want to go to med school, so we're looking at what will likely be another 10+ years of LDR ahead of us after graduating before we are done with school and can try to get jobs in the same city. It's hard to commit to about 14 years of loneliness. I see him a few times a year, ie winter break and spring break.

Christie - NC State says:
Sun, 11th Jul 20103:45 pm 

Kelsey,

I would say that 14 years is a really long time, and to take the relationship day by day. It's hard to say where you guys will be in 14 years, and I'm not saying it wouldn't work, but it would take a whole lot of effort. I think that while in the relationship if you still care about them, and you want to keep things going then do that. But if you really just stop feeling something for them, you might be throwing away your chances in finding someone closer. I know I sound contradictory, but I guess what makes it easy for me and my boyfriend is we know we will see each other in August, when his co-op rotation is done. There is a set date for us, and we get to see each other every now and then. I really think you guys need to just take things as they come, and if you're happy that's all that matters.

Good luck!

Christie - NC State says:
Sun, 11th Jul 20103:52 pm 

Sorry! I'm adding on too Why not go to the same school for med school?

Kelsey says:
Sun, 11th Jul 20106:00 pm 

Sorry to add on, but do you all think it’s crazy to commit to an LDR when you know it’s going to be that long? I guess my feeling is if you love someone, you wait for them, no matter how long it takes. I do believe there’s no such thing as soulmates, but it would be so depressing to leave someone you wish you could spend the rest of your life with.

Miss Lissy says:
Mon, 12th Jul 20105:50 am 

I'm in an LDR right now and have been for about a year and a half and I have to say I completely agree. (And for the record, right now I'm studying abroad in South Korea and he's home in Canada for the summer – it's a 15 hour time difference).

I think the people not understanding point is the biggest one that irks me. I had a friend who was upset at me because my then boyfriend now fiancee ditched a party she was throwing in order to come see me after I had been in a very traumatic car accident.

I also hate it when people are like "I miss them" and they haven't seen their boyfriend for like a day and they live in the same city because they have no idea what it's like to live hours or countries apart from your love.

JennyJames says:
Mon, 12th Jul 20107:03 am 

I was in a long distance relationship for a year, after living with my boyfriend to whom I was (and still am!) very close for two years. It took 12 hours and $800 to see each other, add to this a five hour time difference so that when I'm getting back from work he's ready for bed. I felt sorry for myself at first (especially flying out seeing other girls on the flight with their boyfriends right there to cuddle up to and carry their bags). While it's not ideal it's hardly the worst situation in the world. We'd schedule "date nights" via Skype, both order in take out and just chat as if we were together. We'd also just leave Skype running so we could chat while we were cooking dinner or pottering around the apartment. The time went really fast once I sucked it up and got on with it!

Justine says:
Tue, 13th Jul 20106:43 am 

I'm in a long distance relationship for all of undergrad but we spend breaks and try to see each other at least 1 a month. I'm going to be a sophomore and he's going to be a senior and it's worked out so far. the only thing is i'm really afraid for next year when he has to get a job. so far it's been played safe since we always know where the other is going to be but next year i'm uncertain if he'll stay where we live or if he'll get a job somewhere else in the country. also he's so committed that we will have a future together since he's older but i'm wondering if i'm missing out by not dating other people. yet the thought of ending it makes me cry. it's been an emotional roller coaster but it's worth it. i'm just afraid i'm making a mistake

Beth says:
Sat, 17th Jul 20101:34 pm 

I actually just had a talk with my boyfriend about this…we agreed that since he's finishing off high school and I'm off to my first year of uni, we should be sort of back off from being in a relationship to be friends. It was such a jolting efeeling, like missing a step on a stair, thinking that I wouldn't see him for up to a year. Worse bit is that I can't cry about it, as though I'm in limbo because we haven't called it quits exactly, we feel too much for eachother to just end it, but it's the compromise we've had to come up with given our situation and the circumstances we live in. I commend everyone who's going through an LDR and I wish you all the best of luck.

Jill says:
Tue, 20th Jul 201012:48 pm 

Thank you so much for this article! I love when CollegeCandy talks about LDRs! So many of us in college are dealing with them. Luckily my boyf comes home in ONE MONTH…but the last three have been hard. I swear I question WHY every week. It will all be worth it when he's home!! I'm glad I never gave up…no matter how many times I wanted to. Skyping helps a lot. Thanks again! I hope to see another post about LDRs soon!!

Larisa says:
Fri, 30th Jul 201011:07 am 

You're absolutely right about the "it doesn't get easier" part. I've been with my boyfriend for almost a year and 7 months, and only the first 3 months were not long distance. Although I get to see him every vacation for a full month, it never gets easier saying goodbye, and the first few weeks without him are BRUTAL. Going from seeing him everyday to not at all is so grueling that I just become mopey, irritated and depressed. Also, it doesn't help that I'm living in Argentina and he goes to college in Texas. Talk about FAR!

But no matter how hard, we have the strongest relationship, rarely fight, get along like best friends, and I intend on keeping this LDR up for one more year until I can finally go up to either the States or Canada for college.

GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE! Don't believe the cynicals who say LDR's never work. It depends on the couple. If you think it's worth it and you know he's the ONE, go for it. If not, don't waste your time, eh?

Mel says:
Sun, 1st Aug 201010:18 am 

I have been in a LDR for a while now and alot of that same stuff goes through my head but my situation is different. The main thing i worry about is him chaeting on me i can promise i am faithfull to the fullest but it worries me that he is not and i really don't know how to deal with that thought.

Meghan says:
Fri, 6th Aug 201010:37 am 

I totally agree with everyone saying that leaving is the hardest part – I got to see my boyfriend for a few days mid-summer, and it was harder to handle in the first few days after the visit than it'd been in the 2 months we'd been apart. Less than a month now, but honestly, being apart from him for this long has been the hardest thing I've ever had to do.

Nicolette says:
Mon, 9th Aug 20105:27 pm 

I have been in a relationshjp with my boyfriend for one and a half years. Only the first three months weren't LDR. We live in different countries with 12 hours of time difference in between. I've only seen him once for 3 weeks since we've been in a LDR.

This article is so accurate. It doesn't get easier. But I think as long as the both of you look and move forward to a common goal in the future, whether it's moving in together or just living in the same city/country again, I'm sure you will conquer any amount of distance.

What's gotten me through these past 8 months since I last saw him has definitely been Skype. It is a true life saver. Sending him pictures and letters via snail mail is actually quite satisfying too. Of course, nothing will ever beat the satisfaction and comfort from being physically intimate with the boy you love but this will do for now.

I will be living 6 hours away from him in a month and just being in the same country as him and a state away makes all these long months worth every bit.

Good luck with those in Int'll LDRs! It CAN work

dina says:
Mon, 9th Aug 20108:29 pm 

I've been with my bf all through undergrad, and now he's starting pharm school on the west coast, while I'm starting grad school on the east coast. We've only been apart for about a month now, but it's been hard. I already feel so emotionally distant from him. We have plans to reunite in a few years, but in the meantime, we will only get to see each other 2 or 3 times a year max.

charly_kat says:
Tue, 10th Aug 201010:17 am 

Man i am sooooooo fed up…. I am in a LDR mt husband in NJ and me here in London. We havnt seen each other since June last year. Does anyone ever feel like just ending the whole thing. I get great days and bad days but i feel sometimes i just cant take it any more…. moan moan moan lol

why oh why do we put ourselves through this …..

we trying to sort out his passport and stuff do you think i should just sit and wait and wait cause its really driving me mad right now and i want to end my relationship (well i dotn really) just kind of feel its time to say enough is enough

thanks for listening to my rant

charly

Sammy says:
Fri, 3rd Sep 201011:45 am 

Hi,

My boyfriend's just been offered a permanant job in Dubai while I'm going to be going to grad school in the UK. He only gets 01 return ticket per year so we'll only get to see each oher once a year for about 2 weeks max. I've got no money for a flight to go and see him in Dubai. We decided to give long distance a try. We both don't want to lose each other and only time will tell if we were really meant to be with each other. As hard as it is, it's a choice i've made because I believe he is THE ONE and the only hope I have is that he's not going to be in Dubai forever and hopefully one day we will be able to spend the rest of our days with each other side by side. To everyone else who gets to see their bf's once a week or once a month, remember how lucky you are cause people like me, will only get to see their bf's once a year. It's going to be hard but we know it's worth it and all I can do is hope for the best. LDR's are hard work but nothing is impossible. Good luck to every1 whose in a LDR. As every day passes remember it beings you 1 day close to being by his side xx

LucyLoo says:
Mon, 13th Sep 201011:28 am 

I would like to hear from more women (no disrespect to the students) as I am passed the college year love. My man and I did the long distance thing for a several years. We are now engaged after having been living near each other for a year but he got a job in abroad so here we are again, long distance and loathing it! I feel exhausted with the whole thing but don't want to give up. I am tired of the fact that we can hardly ever speak because of time differences etc and I'm tired of not being able to make concrete plans together as we just don't know what the situation will be for either of us anytime soon. Has anyone fallen into the trap of phone sex with strangers? I have and it only started because of the fact that he and I can't talk enough. I'm really fed up and need some help ladies.

AnotherHurtHeart says:
Thu, 30th Sep 20109:17 pm 

Ok true….100%…only if..

If we ever get to see each other..Im in a LDR for 7 months and in a few days its our anniversary..Am i happy? NO.

LDR IS NOT FOR THE EMOTIONAL NEEDY!.

THA'S ALL.

Sunny says:
Fri, 8th Oct 20107:59 pm 

My boyfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for 4 months. The only way I see him is in pictures. Recently he was planning on moving to Kansas to be with me. But somethings changed and he's now moving even further away. It hurts terribly. Especially when one day he says "I'll see you tomorrow." And the same day he says "I'm moving to Abilene."

We were physically together a month before we went distant. We're both totally in love. But we're both scared what his move will do to us.

He tells me not to be sad. He says he hates himself for what he decided to do. But. I've got to accept his decision and stay faithful to him and savor every mintue we talk on the phone and every text message recieved. But neither are much because I don't have unlimited talk or text. It's very hard. But in a little over a year we'll be together again.

It seems like forever. Oh well. Here I go… some more, for even longer this time.

vanessa says:
Thu, 12th May 201110:41 pm 

i met a guy a few weeks ago, while i was in vacations and we totally fell for each other we are bf and gf , but the thing is im in college, in mexico city, and he lives in los cabos, and moving to another state very soon, so thats like 3 hours away in plane and we dont have the money to even visit us. im going to be done with school in a year and a half and even though it may sound cheesy or corny we promised to go back to los cabos in a year and a half to be together, im really in love, i dont want to date other guys, im simply not interested, but he says its OK for me to date other guys as long as i go back to him when i told him i would. but i feel like he thinks this is too much time, or he doesnt think im in love enough to keep that promise….. i just wish he would trust me more because im truly in love and SO want to be there for him and i hope he loves me enough to go back…
i needed to write it down!!

viscosity1972 says:
Sun, 12th Jun 201112:17 pm 

Thank you SO much. I am currently struggling with the "why am I even in this" part and it was so comforting to know that other people feel that way. I feel like something's wrong if I don't just always say "It's hard but it's SOOOOO worth it." THANK YOU.

Melissa says:
Thu, 11th Aug 20114:12 am 

It's nice to read other people's stories and advice. I just dropped my boyfriend off at the airport today after his first visit. Today was miserable. We have a 6 hour time difference and I won't see him for at least 3 months. I was going crazy telling myself it will get easier. Thanks for sharing.

decon says:
Sun, 15th Apr 201211:58 am 

i was with my boyfriend for 2 years in an LDR finally i said i need a break from this he got mad and i no im taking the chance of losing him but it was effecting my health before i start talking to him again i have to get health again i just hope he takes me back because i love him and well like the saying goes if you love someone let them go if they come back they were always yours

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Fri, 21st Sep 20129:49 pm 

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