Since we’re well into the lazy days of July, I have no doubt that by now you’ve taken in your fair share of reruns and reality TV. Between puttering back and forth from a boring job at the mall and babysitting the kids down the street, you’re bound to slip into that coma only a comfy couch and summer television can bring.
As you watch the celebs parade around in all their glitz, do you find yourself yearning for a more sparkly life? Do you wish you were drinking Cristal instead of Crystal Light? Maybe wearing Gucci instead of Gap? Fear not, we’ve all been there. With visions of sugar plums and Rachel Zoe dancing through our heads, it’s not hard to wish we were someone else. Someone, perhaps, more like…
She’s sassy, she’s precious, she’s got more designer handbags than that bitch who lived down the hall from you freshman year. Oh yeah, and her dad’s Brad Pitt…NBD. When God reached his hand down through the clouds and deemed this little Ethiopian tot worthy of Ange and Brad’s love, my heart cried out, “Pick me! Choose me!” Her A-List parents aren’t the only reason we want her life- the jetsetting lifestyle, designer wardrobe, and endless cheese doodles are also super appealing.
Yes, I would be a dog. But only if that dog had his own hysterical Twitter account, made TV appearances, and was owned by one of the funniest women in Hollywood. Seriously, tell me you wouldn’t want to sit in the green room while mom interviewed a star-studded roster of guests.
Do I really even need to explain my rationale here? As the Bachelorette, you have 25 hot men competing for your affection while you live in a mansion and ride around in limos. As if that wasn’t enough, famous stylists give you a makeover and ABC gifts you with a fabulous wardrobe before they send you around the world on romantic vacations. At the end of all this, your one true love proposes with a ring that would make even J.Lo’s eyes widen. Umm, sign me up!
Her mom is Anna Wintour, enough said. Imagine all the amazing free samples Bee is privy to, not to mention the amazing industry connections (hello André Leon Talley!) and fabulous party invites. She currently interns at College Humor, where she spends her days surrounded by cute twenty-something guys that bring in a paycheck for simply being funny and resourceful (which is more than I can say for those beer-bellied dudes of Beta Chi).
The food! Just imagine all the delicious food you’d get to eat! As a primary judge on Top Chef, Gail rubs elbows with Anthony Bourdain, Natalie Portman, and a host of other guest stars while tasting mouth-watering culinary creations. FOR A LIVING. Certainly a far cry from splitting a cup of Ramen with the girls while studying French, huh?