College Q&A: Roommate Reservations

July 12, 2010 1:00 pm     Posted in College, Reality  Candy -- NYU g+ page

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By Candy

Question
I’m going to college in the fall and I’m rooming blind. I just got my roommate assignment in the mail and looked the girl up on Facebook. I know I shouldn’t judge someone from their Facebook page but she just doesn’t seem like someone I can get along with at all. Shes from a very different world than me (I’m from the south and she’s from L.A.), she definitely likes to party a lot (there are lots of drunk pictures) and we just don’t seem compatible at all. I’m getting really scared that its gonna suck so bad and I’m going to hate living with her. Should I try switching rooms? Is there anything I can do to make this better?

Party Girl
Have you ever heard the phrase, “Don’t judge a book by its cover”? Well, in our generation, it should read more like “Don’t judge a girl by her Facebook page.” Really. I can’t imagine what someone would think of me if they only had my Facebook page to go by (actually, I would guess the words “alcoholic” and “slut” might come up)… Do you want this girl judging you by the same standards?

I say go ahead with the room assignment. Give her at least three months and if by the end of that you can’t even tolerate her presence, then apply to switch. Who knows? This Cali girl could be your new best friend. Since it’s your first year at college, you’re going to change exponentially. You might not even be the same person in three months as you are now. It’s always good to hang around people different from you – it challenges your beliefs and encourages you to grow. And hey, it sounds like this girl is gonna be a good time, so at least you’ll never be bored!

Busy Bee
I completely understand where you are coming from. One of my housemates (thank god she wasn’t my ROOMmate) was a complete partier. She could be nice if she wanted to, but I ran into soooo many problems with her. For example, I’m the only one who lives on the first floor, so she used to come home drunk without the house key. Her solution? Banging on my window at 3 a.m. so that I could let her in. BOY would I be pissed! She finally stopped when I told her it wasn’t cool, but she was cold to me after that.

Anyway, what I am saying is that if you already have the mindset that you won’t get along, then you might not. If you can’t get out of the living situation, be sure to make some of the rules clear with her when you guys first move in – no guys sleeping over, no drunken parties, etc. Most of the time, people will respect your boundaries and you won’t have that many problems. On the other hand, she may not be the person she seems like and you guys could be BFFs. Just keep in mind that communication is key! Depending on what school you’re attending, you may have to tough it out for a while. If it gets really bad during the year, just talk to your RA and request a new roomie.

GPA Girl:
I think you got to the heart of the matter when you said “I know I shouldn’t judge someone from their Facebook page.” Having experienced all of high school and all of college already, I can tell you that the differences between the two were night and day and that it’s completely normal for someone to turn over a whole new leaf after starting college. I’m not guaranteeing that will happen with your roommate, but I think you’re jumping the gun by already stressing about her. At least talk to the girl on the phone before you freak out, and honestly, I’d advise not freaking out at all. The two of you will probably have so many different activities going on that you’ll barely see each other anyway. And roommate incompatibilities are as common as packets of Easy Mac are at college, so who’s to say you wouldn’t get assigned an even worse roomie if you tried to switch?

What I advise: First, relax. Take a few deep breaths. Next, talk to this girl WITH AN OPEN MIND. Finally, as circumstances develop, make the best of them. You two might become besties, and if not, look on the bright side. If she’s partying all the time, you’ll basically have a single!

12 Comments on "College Q&A: Roommate Reservations"

  1. T says:
    Mon, 12th Jul 201011:38 am 

    I've had a bunch of crappy roommates and honestly, I think you have to go with your gut feeling a little bit. If she has mostly drunk party pictures on her facebook page and you are more of a serious student, chances are it isn't going to be easy. College is stressful enough and adding a crappy roommate in the mix just sucks. If it was me, I'd go ahead and see about changing rooms.

  2. Jen says:
    Mon, 12th Jul 201012:31 pm 

    After having 3 terrible roommates (messy ones, bitchy ones, liars, stealers, etc.), I think that if I had seen their Facebook pages, I would have thought that we could have been friends. But, roommates have a lot more to do with compatibility than personality (if that makes sense). Like, sleeping and study habits, cleanliness, etc, matter more than partying and stuff.

    Good luck!

  3. m says:
    Mon, 12th Jul 201012:48 pm 

    i agree with t as well. i've had and hated 3 roommates and i'm going to be a junior next year. although you have to pick your fights – if the only thing wrong with her is that she parties, that might be okay. if anything i'd recommend becoming good friends since shell probably be able to introduce you to college life better than a studious shy roommate.

  4. Megan says:
    Mon, 12th Jul 20101:27 pm 

    You might want to talk with your roommate before you move in. Talking with her will give you a better idea than just pictures. Go in with an open mind. I've had four roommates and all of them were very different from me but they've all been great. Good luck.

  5. Kate says:
    Mon, 12th Jul 20102:41 pm 

    I still remember looking up my roommate on Facebook after we got randomly assigned to living together… and totally judging her. I freaked out about some of her interests/activities and figured we would never get along. Four years later, we are the definition of bffs. While we didn't hit it off right away, we can't go a day without talking now and had so much fun during our college experiences because of one another. Bottom line: go ahead and live with the girl, try to dismiss any preconceptions you have about her and just be open-minded. It may not work out, but it may lead to a lifelong friendship.

  6. Jamie says:
    Mon, 12th Jul 20104:48 pm 

    My freshman year, I also checked out the facebook page of my new (randomly-selected) roommate. She liked the same music and tv shows as me, and was just as committed to school as me. She even said she loved playing tennis, and I was planning to play for our school's club team. We talked on the phone, and she seemed like a very sweet and sane person. The first couple of days together went fine; we went shopping for decorations together and out to buy textbooks together. Then guess what? We barely got along at all after a few days. I am pretty easy-going and get along with most people, but I found her to be very snobby and irritating. We also had different ideas about sharing, about inviting friends/boys over, about bedtimes, cleanliness, and many other things. We barely talked, I spent a lot of my days at the library, and nights at my bf's apt, and basically hung out anywhere but in my room. So much so that I barely got to meet anyone on my dorm floor and found out later that I was nicknamed by our coed floor of 40 people as "that one girl who is never here". I went to a pretty large school (~40K students), so I didn't run into her much after freshman year, but when we did come across each other, we barely even acknowledged one another.

    I guess my point is, don't worry about the facebook page. I think my experience clearly demonstrates that it is a worthless indicator of how you two will work out as roomies. If the worst-case happens and your roommate turns out to be crazy, it is not so bad — at least you will have great stories to tell for years to come.

  7. misnomer says:
    Mon, 12th Jul 20106:35 pm 

    You also have to remember that it isn't necessary that you two become bffs, although it may be a bonus. Living with a friend can be difficult; when I did it, we never wanted to hurt each others' feelings so we never discussed boundaries, so I was ready to lose it most of the time. When I lived with a girl who was a partier, we weren't friends, but we did get a long well. We were both fairly neat, and we respected each other.

    http://studentswhostillhavesouls.blogspot.com

  8. M says:
    Mon, 12th Jul 20107:18 pm 

    I agree that you should approach her with an open mind and give her a chance, because she might turn out to be a great person.

    However, that's just my worldview talking. In my own life, I've found that whenever someone I know has a Facebook profile full of trashy photos, that means that that's how they want to present themselves to the world.

    So go ahead and stay in the room, but try to be prepared for anything.

  9. painting games says:
    Thu, 22nd Jul 201010:34 pm 

    In my student time , my roommates and me have many differences , but have a good understanding . from painting games.

  10. Sarah says:
    Fri, 23rd Jul 201010:06 pm 

    I'm in the exact same situation. My future roommate this fall is a sorority girl (and judging by her pictures she's a complete party girl). I'm worried things will be awkward between us and we won't get along since I'm the "gpa" girl. This article made me feel a little better and hopefully we'll at least get along.

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