Seventeen Says the Darndest Things: August Edition

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Continuing its industry-leading efforts to provide strong role models to its female readers, Seventeen once again chose a winner for this month’s cover: Barbados’ own marijuana maven, Rihanna. Nothing like trashing hotel rooms and smoking illicit substances to inspire girls to be their best and make their dreams a reality. But aside from sharing “The Awesome Reason She’s So Happy Now,” Seventeen also provided us with an excess of tear-out pages designed to get us in gear for the school year.

From three foot wide “Ultimate Jeans Guide!” to the overly-complicated six-week workout plan in “Get Your Best Body for Back-to-School,” it seemed like the brains behind the Seventeen operation did their best to inspire readers to destroy the latest issue in a vain attempt to neatly tear through the delicate magazine paper. But fear not, dear readers, for the juicy insider secrets and advice within the magazine itself was brilliant as ever.

As usual, I skipped over the fashion stories (who knew denim would be big this fall?) and headed straight to the Love Life section. In “Dude Drama,” Nadia shared the story of her ill-fated tryst with an Internet lover. It began as all great romances do: “When I was 15, I fell in love with a guy I met online.” That didn’t work out well? Shocker. We were also treated to the “real MySpace breakup convo” between 16-year-old Jessie and her sleazy boyfriend. Honey, I feel for you, but MySpace? Really?

“The Wild Stuff He Says Behind Your Back” contained some of the usual anti-sexting propaganda (but really, high school students: stop sending naked photos to your bf), along with some other “surprises”: Sometimes guys rank girls! Sometimes guys exaggerate! Sometimes guys…turn to their older guy friends for kissing tutorials? (Although, to be fair, that “over the shoulder makeout maneuver” is the closest Seventeen‘s ever gotten to publishing anything remotely sexy, albeit neck-pain inducing.)

But hidden in the depths of the Love Life section was a little activity designed to answer the one question every girl has wondered: “Would your guy friend make a good boyfriend?” Ready, ladies? Here we go.

Seventeen Says: If he is tight with your friends, if he flakes, or if he’s your “fun” friend, he would not make a good boyfriend. Here’s why: You guys know each other pretty well and have fun together, but there’s not much chance things will go deeper. (One clue: It hasn’t already, so you guys didn’t have that initial spark.) It’s not like you could never date, but it would require starting from scratch–you’d have to get to know each other in a new light.
Norah Says:
One question: If you’re taking this quiz, doesn’t it mean that things haven’t already gone deeper? Because I mean, if they had, there wouldn’t be much need to take a quiz about it. I’ll admit, Seventeen does make a good argument in telling girls to stay away from flaky guys (if he flakes, though, why are you still friends?), but I can’t agree completely with their other points. A “fun” friend can still be a good boyfriend–it just means you’ll have more variety than the basic dinner-and-a-movie Friday night.

Seventeen Says: If he’s not too touchy-feely, if you finish each other’s sentences, or if he’s honest with you, he would make a good boyfriend. Here’s why: Your friendship already has the traits that make a relationship great–so taking it to the next level could bring you amazing love. If you want to take that step, ask him if he wants to have a night out, just the two of you. It will give you a chance to feel out your chemistry–and if it’s not there, just call your other friends to join you.
Norah Says:
Good luck salvaging your friendship if he turns you down…talk about “awkward.” Also awkward: pausing mid-date to call up your group in an attempt to make things less awkward. If this is the best advice they’ve got, I’d recommend reverting back to that “not an initial spark” idea and just letting it go. But as always, Seventeen, thanks for trying.

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