I Loved My Best Friend… Until I Lived With Her

July 18, 2010 Posted in College, Reality

After just a few weeks, this summer has proven to be one of the most memorable yet. I’m about to be a senior in college, I’m living in New York City, my job is actually paying me (I know, I can’t believe it either), and I get to write articles for sites I absolutely love. On top of it all, I’m living with my best friend from school.

Thing is, she is driving me kinda nuts.

Like any other college student, I have had the whole we’re-so-cramped-in-here-I’m-suffocating dorm experience. In fact, my current roommate at school is the same one I was randomly assigned freshman year. Our friendship went hand in hand with our compatibility as roomies (for one, we both appreciate a good dance sesh in our pajamas to such fine musical artists as Spice Girls and Hanson).

As for me and my summer roommate, friendship came first. I’m talking best friends, tell each other everything, can’t imagine how we survived before that fateful day we met three years ago friendship. But there are some things about a person that you don’t really learn until the two of you are sharing a poorly air-conditioned Manhattan studio apartment.

For instance, I’ve realized that in such close quarters, any stitch of space is golden. Which is why, every morning, I grudgingly fold up my pullout bed to make room. Now, I’m not really a staunch bed-making enthusiast, but it just irks me to see the other pullout bed (which juts out into the path to the bathroom and our closets) never folded up. I get it – we wake up early for work, but is it so hard to just take two minutes and change the living room back to one with a couch rather than a path-obstructing bed?

Also, we are on completely different schedules. As for me, I’m a morning person. I like to wake up with more than enough time to get where I need to be. I look forward to a long, hot, leisurely shower. I drink my coffee slowly and always sit down for a full breakfast. By the time my roommate hops in the shower, I’m on my way strolling, you may even call it frolicking, to work. Come 10 PM and it’s lights out for me, while my roomie watches Two and a Half Men (bleh) on full volume.

Factor in countless nit-picky pet peeves (leaving lights on while we’re out, dirty dishes always in the sink, the constant borrowing of my things) and it’s enough to put me over the edge. I don’t even want to tell you how many times I’ve almost channeled my inner nagging parent and said “you know, the trash isn’t going to take itself out.”

All the things that drive me crazy threaten to make me lose sight of why I love my friend in the first place. Her complete and total loyalty, all the nights we’ve gotten too drunk together and fell asleep spooning, her signature dance moves, our shared inexplicable obsession with the Food Network. But the fact of the matter is, even though she’s one terrible person to live with, I do look forward to seeing her when I come home at night.

I truly feel conflicted: on the one hand, I have my own preferences and routines that don’t quite align with hers. On the other hand, she is one of the greatest people I know, and it’s pretty awesome to have her as the Charlotte to my Carrie in our wannabe Sex and the City summer adventure. Where do I draw the line between standing my ground and keeping the peace with my BFF? Between maintaining my sanity and maintaining my friendship?

Gah. Much like navigating my way to the bathroom while she’s still sleeping, this isn’t easy. But at the end of the day (or in the middle of the day when we’re IMing each other funny links and laughing at our respective desks until we cry), I do love this girl. So I’ll continue to stub my toe on her pullout bed every morning and bring out the recycling every evening, because she may not be my ideal roommate, but she’s one hell of a friend.

654307 Comments2010-07-18+21%3A30%3A31Katherine on "I Loved My Best Friend… Until I Lived With Her"

caitlin says:
Sun, 18th Jul 20101:59 pm

Great article! My best friend and I are thinking of moving to Manhattan for a summer internship or work there for a year, and this was eye opening. You have great narrative voice!

caitlin says:
Sun, 18th Jul 20102:01 pm

PS- Can I ask what you guys are doing in NY for only a summer? I haven't been able to find internships or entry-level stuff for recent graduates that provides housing or good financial compensation…

acntrygrlcnsrvive says:
Sun, 18th Jul 20104:10 pm

I too moved in with my best friend. Twice. We "broke up" after the first time but it wasn't long until we realized we needed each other so much that we could look past the things we each did that drove the other crazy. It's so much better this time around that we've let go of all of our irritation and just learned to love each other for our bad habits too.

dcsdasda says:
Sun, 18th Jul 20106:43 pm

I know exactly what you mean! I love my best friend to death but sometimes she just absolutely drives me up a wall. I never have the courage to confront her about it because I would hate for there to be any tension between us.

Lenna says:
Mon, 19th Jul 20109:16 am

True Story. Sophomore year, one of my best friends and I were suite-mates. By the end of the year, I wanted to destroy her. Now that we have lived apart for a whole year though, we are good again.

I guess some people can live together better than others, because I lived with 2 other best friends for longer than that and it's fabulous.

Katherine - Universi says:
Wed, 21st Jul 20104:18 am

Yeah, it is definitely a tricky situation. Adjusting to a new roommate is hard enough and it's kind of an even weirder situation when it's a friend. And Caitlin, my roommate and I both got summer jobs through family friends/connections so I don't have the best advice for you, I'm sorry. And we are living in a family member's apartment, so that's kind of a special circumstance too, but I know plenty of people who do the NYU dorms for summer living!

Angel says:
Mon, 23rd Aug 20106:54 pm

I just went through this with a good friend of mine. She has quit college (claiming she couldn't afford it anymore), while I'm still working full-time and going to school full-time at night (even during the Summer). But I am lucky enough to have a 3 bedroom house to myself (and my 2 dogs) and she needed a place, so I let her rent a room thinking that since we'd been friends for 4 years I knew all of her quirks and flaws. WRONG! She was "that roommate"… She didn't clean (at all!), it was like she was unaware that the garbage can was overflowing, and didn't care if it was piling up on the floor where it was falling off the mound she was building (I mean, there's not a compactor in that thing, it's not going to go away until you take it out!), I don't think she even realized where the mop and broom were located, and her new boyfriend seemed to be attached to my couch (even when she wasn't home).

When she moved in, she had just started dating this guy, and though I know her tendency to move too fast with guys she assured me that she wasn't going to move in with him anytime soon… She moved in with me July 1st and moved out and in with him on August 1st. So much for not leaving me high and dry to move in with the boyfriend. Finally, she didn't pay a cent of rent or utilities, until she moved out, and now I have two post-dated checks for partial payments on the utilities that were due over a month ago!

Let's just say I'm more than happy to have her out of my house so I'm only cleaning my own mess and dealing with my own relationship issues (or lack thereof). I have vowed to never live with another female, simply because two hens and one nest do not work. I've had male roommates before and I mind their messiness A LOT less… possibly because I expect it from them and they're not likely to burst into tears if I call them a slob and tell them that the leftovers they failed to put in the fridge is growing enough mold to cure gonorrhea.

I'm not quite over the leaving me high and dry yet, but I know I will be given enough time. But at this point, I just need some space from her.

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