7 Reasons You Should Never Date a Bro

July 28, 2010     Posted in Uncategorized


By Alex

When you think of Megan Fox, a lot of words probably rush to mind: hot, rich, talented, eccentric, lucky, sexy, gorgeous, every man’s fantasy.  Well, BroBible.com is telling us this isn’t quite the case, listing 10 reasons why they deem the starlet “un-dateable”.  Fox’s surprising real-girl status is revealed through a selection of quotes- some highlighting her lack of promiscuity, her less than top-notch cooking skills, and her discomfort with being seen as a sex symbol.

Which are all no-no’s in the eyes of a Bro.

Well, guess what, guys?  Looks like you’re sporting some serious deal-breakers, too.  Here are the top reasons we’d never look twice at a Bro:

They’re a**holes

The Bro says: “I can’t even motivate myself to f*ck the same girl after being with her for three months, so why would I want to sit at home trying to whack off to a low-budget porn starring her has-been ass?”

They’re cocky a**holes

Should any relationship with a bro take a turn for the worst, you’ve got some interesting things to look forward to.
The Bro says: “It is common knowledge that two wrongs always make a f*ckin’ right and one of the best ways to get over a girl, especially a two-bit whore of this magnitude, is to publicly humiliate her and effectively ruin her life.”

They’re cocky a**holes with hair issues

You wouldn’t guess from the way they keep those obnoxious flat brimmed hats glued to their heads, but most Bros are hiding horrendous hair – be it a bowl cut, a receding hairline, or no hair at all.  It’s like Kenny Chesney syndrome, only you can’t sing along with a Bro.  Also, be sure to flip down his polo collar and check that he’s not sporting a mullet…you never know!

They’re cocky a**holes with hair issues who over-generalize

The Bro says: “Beyond a shadow of a doubt, Southern girls are dumb as rocks while at the same time hot as sh*t. It’s really remarkable.”

They’re cocky a**holes with hair issues who over-generalize and practice casual misogyny.

Every day is Steak and a Blow Job Day to a Bro.  You can expect him to have as much charm as Ike Turner on an ego trip as he bosses you around and yells at you in public.  Now get in that kitchen, then get on your knees before he has to make you, woman!

They’re cocky a**holes with hair issues who over-generalize, practice casual misogyny and loooove the sound of their own voice.

And they love it loud, in your face, talking over your favorite TV shows, spouting obnoxious opinions, and quoting Will Ferrell movies.  Hansel, anything but hot right now.

And their fratty counterparts aren’t any better.

If you think that by going Greek you’re weeding out the less-than-quality guys, think again.  While they might look nice in their croakies and boat shoes, the thoughts bubbling under that Vineyard Vines visor are likely to make you run in the opposite direction.
The Bro says: “Getting hammered and trashing a hotel (along with yelling at other hotel patrons who should mind their own f**king business instead of telling you to quiet down) becomes just as much of an end-of-semester mainstay as finals week. The best part? Girls fully understand that when they accept an invitation to formal that they have to put out.”

And, really, how many times do these morons have to Ice someone before they realize that it’s. not. funny anymore?
Thanks but no thanks, bros. We’ll stick with the nerds.

31 Comments on "7 Reasons You Should Never Date a Bro"

  1. sagharbor says:
    Wed, 28th Jul 201011:02 am 

    preach it girlfriend

  2. Han says:
    Wed, 28th Jul 201011:41 am 

    LIKE

  3. shevralay says:
    Wed, 28th Jul 20104:16 pm 

    Fabulous! The disrespect that frat dudes show for the people who have to clean up after them is truly insane.

    And the tag list on the post cracked my ass up.

  4. Sy says:
    Wed, 28th Jul 20109:37 pm 

    That girl in the middle of the picture is funny LOL…

  5. Broseidon says:
    Thu, 29th Jul 20106:34 am 

    Daaaamn girl… Welcome to my level. I guess generalizing about those who generalize us is the cool thing to do these days.

    Get over it. There's a reason bros are the way they are, and I'm sure its just as good as your mom was last night. But anyways…

    We're only human. If I were to generalize I'd say we straight up just don't trust you. Sure, there's the the guys who've been assholes their entire lives (read: peaked in high school), although, more often than not, the attitude becomes a defense mechanism against future drama/pain due to a less-than-honest, surely-conniving female.

    Instead of complaining, watch what you and your slut friends do. Instead of giving some dude the runaround, consider what you're doing, and prevent the creation of a future douchebag.

    Until then, I'll take my scientifically larger brain and not waste my time generalizing about someone I'm gonna bang anyways.

  6. Allie says:
    Thu, 29th Jul 20106:41 pm 

    "Broseidon" (Really?),

    Bitter much? Don't take it out on all females just because you got played by some girl. Not every girl is out to give guys the runaround, but with your attitude towards women, you can be sure that you will attract the ones that do.

    Any valid point you might have made is negated by your pathetic attempts at misogyny. Scientifically larger brain? Kiss my Ivy League ass.

  7. Broseidon says:
    Thu, 29th Jul 201011:59 pm 

    You know what? You're totally right in all your points. Too bad you're just trying to flame me and didn't address anything I said.

    Yes, I may be bitter; and no, not every girl is out to man-eat, but it doesn't make my comment any less true.

    Now, I'm not sure you're getting quite the Ivy League caliber education if all you know to do is result to attacking the speaker instead of rationalizing. Brush up on your logic and I'm sure your man will be alot happier.

    Ever think that any guys might be insulted by this? Seriously, read the article and tell me it's not ignorant. Misoginy my ass.

  8. pro bro says:
    Fri, 30th Jul 20109:18 pm 

    bros make college fun. if you really want to get into a serious realtionship, don't date a bro. bros are for hanging out/hooking up with. it's pretty common knowledge. if you really wanna date one, wait till their senior year – most of them have shaped up by then. i understand how people can generalize and hate on bros, but at least you know what you're getting yourself into with them. as opposed to trying to get to know a GDI who has all the potential to have all the same characteristics of a "bro".

  9. criolle johnny says:
    Mon, 2nd Aug 20106:51 am 

    Hmmm, very intelligent debate going on. I think I'll go down to the bowling alley and discuss the morality of cloning.

  10. eliza says:
    Sat, 7th Aug 201010:39 am 

    what is icing?

  11. alice says:
    Sun, 22nd Aug 20103:42 pm 

    1 reason to never date a bro; They are the biggest douchebags alive! Im sorry but anyone dumb enough to date a guy who calls himself a 'bro' deserves all of the drama and stupidity that comes with him.

  12. c0gn0scenti says:
    Mon, 23rd Aug 20108:27 am 

    @Broseidon While the article is a generalization of "bros", it does not help your argument to use invalid logic and generalize them back. Though it may be unintentional, you reinforce those generalizations stated in the article throughout your comment. I do not intend to offend you, but I am giving you a third person perspective on how you seem, rather than how you presumptively are.

    On a side note, scientific evidence suggests that brain size is not important in regards to intelligence. Take Einstein, for example. His brain was smaller than the average male's brain. It is the structure of such that matters.

    Personally, I do not date men or women who cannot respect me or show a certain level of maturity. If I had to stereotype, I agree with the author. I'd take a geek or a nerd any day.

  13. bro says:
    Tue, 24th Aug 20106:08 am 

    the writer sounds like she's had one too many bad bro experiences…..hater

  14. G says:
    Thu, 26th Aug 20107:23 pm 

    I am so thankful for censorship! My delicate sensibilities are fully protected from such foul words by asterisking the last 2 letters. Thank you!

  15. Matt says:
    Fri, 27th Aug 20107:33 pm 

    If bros are so awful, why do college girls hook up with them so often?…

  16. Ray says:
    Sun, 29th Aug 201012:17 am 

    Okay, did you guys even read the 10 reasons why the bros didn't like Megan Fox, they weren't as bad as this person makes it out to be. They were legit reasons, and don't you think its sorta refreshing for guys to focus on something other than looks.

    as for the other quotes, yeah they are pretty fucked up, and in general i agree bros are sucky

  17. jayjay26 says:
    Fri, 8th Apr 201110:34 pm 

    Well, I happen to get a guy like just to find out that he's actually a great guy!

  18. alex (man version) says:
    Mon, 2nd May 20114:27 pm 

    Well, someone got dumped! (yes, you alex)

  19. wangli123 says:
    Thu, 21st Jul 201110:43 pm 

    science and technology give us so many fantastic experience ,just like the article give me so many new idea .

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  20. Rachel says:
    Mon, 9th Jan 20123:07 pm 

    Because bros are to females, what sluts are to males – Good for sex, but that's about it.

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