When you think of Megan Fox, a lot of words probably rush to mind: hot, rich, talented, eccentric, lucky, sexy, gorgeous, every man’s fantasy. Well, BroBible.com is telling us this isn’t quite the case, listing 10 reasons why they deem the starlet “un-dateable”. Fox’s surprising real-girl status is revealed through a selection of quotes- some highlighting her lack of promiscuity, her less than top-notch cooking skills, and her discomfort with being seen as a sex symbol.
Which are all no-no’s in the eyes of a Bro.
Well, guess what, guys? Looks like you’re sporting some serious deal-breakers, too. Here are the top reasons we’d never look twice at a Bro:
The Bro says: “I can’t even motivate myself to f*ck the same girl after being with her for three months, so why would I want to sit at home trying to whack off to a low-budget porn starring her has-been ass?”
They’re cocky a**holes
Should any relationship with a bro take a turn for the worst, you’ve got some interesting things to look forward to.
The Bro says: “It is common knowledge that two wrongs always make a f*ckin’ right and one of the best ways to get over a girl, especially a two-bit whore of this magnitude, is to publicly humiliate her and effectively ruin her life.”
They’re cocky a**holes with hair issues
You wouldn’t guess from the way they keep those obnoxious flat brimmed hats glued to their heads, but most Bros are hiding horrendous hair – be it a bowl cut, a receding hairline, or no hair at all. It’s like Kenny Chesney syndrome, only you can’t sing along with a Bro. Also, be sure to flip down his polo collar and check that he’s not sporting a mullet…you never know!
They’re cocky a**holes with hair issues who over-generalize
The Bro says: “Beyond a shadow of a doubt, Southern girls are dumb as rocks while at the same time hot as sh*t. It’s really remarkable.”
They’re cocky a**holes with hair issues who over-generalize and practice casual misogyny.
Every day is Steak and a Blow Job Day to a Bro. You can expect him to have as much charm as Ike Turner on an ego trip as he bosses you around and yells at you in public. Now get in that kitchen, then get on your knees before he has to make you, woman!
They’re cocky a**holes with hair issues who over-generalize, practice casual misogyny and loooove the sound of their own voice.
And they love it loud, in your face, talking over your favorite TV shows, spouting obnoxious opinions, and quoting Will Ferrell movies. Hansel, anything but hot right now.
And their fratty counterparts aren’t any better.
If you think that by going Greek you’re weeding out the less-than-quality guys, think again. While they might look nice in their croakies and boat shoes, the thoughts bubbling under that Vineyard Vines visor are likely to make you run in the opposite direction.
The Bro says: “Getting hammered and trashing a hotel (along with yelling at other hotel patrons who should mind their own f**king business instead of telling you to quiet down) becomes just as much of an end-of-semester mainstay as finals week. The best part? Girls fully understand that when they accept an invitation to formal that they have to put out.”
And, really, how many times do these morons have to Ice someone before they realize that it’s. not. funny anymore?
Thanks but no thanks, bros. We’ll stick with the nerds.