You would think in the day and age of Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, there wouldn’t be a bad relationship in America. Couples around the world would look at them together, cringe, go to church and never repeat their relationship foes. Seriously Heidi, you go right ahead and trick Spencer Pratt into thinking you’re still on birth control over a candlelit dinner? No wonder he’s carrying around ‘good ju-ju’ stones and growing his hair out like an Ewok so you don’t have sex with him anymore.
But bad relationships exist, and bad mistakes abound.
I think the worst element of a bad relationship can come from the man or woman doing something atrocious for their significant other. Now, this goes beyond making a scrapbook of the future babies you’re going to have, sending him a love furn, or naming his pee-pee Princess Sophia. Those are ridonkulous, sure, but there are some things that can’t be tossed out when the relationship inevitably fails. The real offenders – the majorest of major mistakes – will stick around for the long haul to haunt you in the later life. You want to date smart? Avoid these three massive mistakes.
1. Get His Name Tattooed On Your Body
I’ve seen this happen numerous times before and I want to sincerely know what that crazy bitch was thinking as a sharp needle embroidered her boyfriend’s name into her precious skin. Maybe I’m just jealous (I just don’t understand how truly in love I have to be to want my boyf’s name in a heart on my chest), but seeing my ex boyfriend’s name spelled backwards in the mirror every morning? Horrific. Get a tattoo of your favorite food on your ass cheeks. Now that is worth the ink.
2. Sacrifice Your Future for Him
This one saddens me the most, because it seems like a perfectly innocent move, until you realize you’ve taken a crap job or put down a deposit on a crap school to be near your significant other. Even worse when your friends and family are miles and miles away. It seems like such an adventurous and romantic thing to do! You and your boyfriend on your own in the real world; every day is like your honeymoon!
No. Stop writing out your own Nicholas Sparks novel and do what you want to do. No one is worth sacrificing your own personal success. And who knows? If you follow your head instead of your heart, you may even end up as next season’s Bachelorette.
3. Make a Sex Tape
Unless you’re Kimmy Kardashian, a tape with you rolling around in bed naked is not going to get you posted all over the pages of US Weekly and a reality show with your sisters in Miami any time soon end well. Especially now that we know how guys feel when they’re scorned, bitter and broken hearted. In the real world where we all aren’t BFFs with Ryan Seacrest, that intimate moment caught on tape is much more likely to end up in the hands of the wrong people….and lots of them.
Follow my lead and just do not do these things. Do you really want to end up jobless, with an ugly tat and a sex tape floating around?