Inside His Head: Traveling South

July 29, 2010 2:00 pm     Posted in Relationships, Sex  Cesar-University of Florida g+ page


By Cesar

[We ladies spend a lot of time wondering what guys are thinking, most often over stiff drinks or soupy ice cream. Unfortunately, besides The Dude, we don't often get the chance to really find out. So we continue speculating, wondering and growing more and more self-conscious by the minute. Not anymore. CollegeCandy's got a new guy in town who is going to open up his man brain and enlighten us as to what exactly goes on in there. Prepare yourselves, girls; I have a feeling this is going to be an interesting ride.]

Fact: There is nothing more intimate than having sex with another person. After all, you’re completely naked and vulnerable, and everything is out in plain sight. So unless you’re that old, beer-bellied guy that is always alone and naked at the nude beach, that level of intimacy is going to make you a little nervous.

And then there’s the whole “performance” aspect (Are you doing it right? Does it feel right? Is that face sexy or creepy?), which gets enhanced ten-fold when oral sex is involved. Oral is pretty uncomfortable for everyone (mentally, hopefully not physically), but can get extremely nerve-wracking for most women. I get it; who wouldn’t be self conscious and wonder what her guy is thinking when he is up close and personal with her most private of areas? But all that thinking can really ruin a marvelous experience, and what’s the point of us putting in all that work if you’re not going to enjoy it?

So let’s take a moment to find out what your guy is thinking while he’s orally fixated on you so you can stop thinking and start having some fun.

1. Female Hygiene
This is at the top of every guy’s mind right before he begins pleasing a woman orally.  While he is kissing your stomach and trying to get directions from your body language, which at this point is practically screaming at him to go south already, he is also trying to figure out your hygiene situation. Two things are running through his mind before he gets too close to the promised land:

1) What’s the landscaping going be like?
2) Please let it be free of any odor.

Now, the latter is the real deal breaker for most guys (by most, I mean 99.9%. The last .1% of guys have stuffy noses and couldn’t smell if they wanted to).  Guys can work around different types of female grooming and truthfully, it’s like an exciting adventure. We really can’t wait and anticipate it like a surprise. Don’t worry if your landing strip designed to land a Cessna can now land a Boeing, most guys won’t really care and we understand that you don’t carry a razor in your purse. However, any kind of unpleasant odor and your chances for oral stimulation are out the door.

2. Technique
Guys are not impervious to insecurities like most women think. We want to please our partners and be remembered (and talked about the moment we walk out the door – yeah, we know how it goes) as great lovers. It is no different when it comes to going down on our lady. During the act, we are mainly concerned with how good our tongue technique is and if it’s delivering the desired effect.

Does it look/sound like she likes it? If not, is it oral sex in general or how I do it?
Am I doing it right?
Should I make her have an orgasm? Can I make her have an orgasm?

Hopefully, your guy answers “yea, yea, yea, and hell yea.” And hopefully he doesn’t get so into his thoughts that he forgets why he’s down there in the first place.

3. Reciprocity
There is one thought lingering on the back of your guy’s mind while he’s making his Southern Expedition and that is whether or not you’ll return the favor. This is anything but work for us, but we would like to be rewarded for our foreplay efforts with a little fellatio. And by “a little” we mean a lot. Guys love it (a lot a lot), but believe it or not, we’re sometimes too shy to ask for it.

So there you have it – the low down on the go down. When it comes down to it, all we really want to do it please you and while we may not seem to stress about it, we definitely think about it. Often. We ask our friends how they do it, if they do it, and when to do it. We try new things and hope for new results. We worry that we’re just not good enough. All because we want you to enjoy yourself.

Oral sex isn’t every guy’s cup of tea, so if your guy is taking the initiative to give you this kind of pleasure, embrace it and remember: don’t forget to tip.

43 Comments on "Inside His Head: Traveling South"

  1. Danielle says:
    Mon, 2nd Aug 20101:30 pm 

    "However, any kind of unpleasant odor and your chances for oral stimulation are out the door."

    There are so many things wrong with this. a.) ALL women smell down there, especially when they're turned on. Sure, some women smell better than others but I doubt it's ever "pleasant". b.) It has nothing to do with hygiene. It has to do with genetics and natural scent. Of course if someone has bad hygiene it makes it worse but having good hygiene is not going to get rid of the scent. c.) Do you really think you smell all that great down there? Well you don't. d.) This is the kind of ignorant statement that makes women feel insecure about their bodies and turn to unhealthy measures (douching, etc.) I'm pretty sick of these misconceptions of the vagina being portrayed as gross.

    I'm not saying you should go down on every girl you're with. There are the cases of bad hygiene but they are the exception and not the rule. I just don't like these kind of ignorant statements that sound like they could have been made before the "Our Bodies, Ourselves" era. You know, back when people had no knowledge of the female body.

  2. David says:
    Mon, 2nd Aug 201010:53 pm 

    Danielle you are actually wrong, my GF is pretty much clear to me and she made me sniff her vagina different times in different situation for "scientifical" purposes.

    I can assure you that if you washed your vagina the smell gets down a lot.

    If you washed it with soap the smell can even be good, but the taste will be disgusting, if you washed it only with water the smell will be ok and the taste too.

    And if you are excited obviously the liquid coming out smells pretty bad (sweat / resembling sperm I guess), but THAT is acceptable even if it is really really bad smelling, because "yeah, I'm the one who did this".

    Now go back to the kitchen and make me a sandwich

  3. James says:
    Tue, 3rd Aug 20102:04 am 

    Nah, it's true. If a girl hasn't washed she will stink. It smells of fish/urine. I think it's 'urea', but whatever, it can be bad. When I haven't washed for 2 days, if I've been in bed chronically tired, on the net, or reading King Arthur book in bed (this never happened when I was working!)… my cock stinks, to call a spade a fucking shovel.

    So it is much worse for women. But if you keep clean, then there is no problem. Us guys aren't worried about natural odours. You see, even really clean guys like me, who shower twice a day (more if do sport) can smell slightly if we are caught say at 7pm when her son is out (that's private!) for an hour. We know it is worse for women; they might be a clean girl, who gets 'caught' at the wrong end of the between shower spectrum (I'm a nut, I know!:). We are worried not so much of copping some filth, but of the girl's reaction if we turn away/don't perform… a football coach does not care why you are unfit/unskilled; all he cares about is whether you are good enough… and THAT girls, and only that, is what we are afraid of. I'm 33, I know these things.

  4. Cesar says:
    Tue, 3rd Aug 20105:56 am 

    Maybe I am being misunderstood or maybe some women don't like the truth that they are reading. I didn't mean to sound ignorant or insensitive. My main objective is to create a window into a guy's brain so women know what we think and why we think it. It won't always be pretty though.

    Now, there are different types of vaginal odors and yes all women have a certain type, but some are stronger than others. It ranges from almost unnoticable to completely unbearable. It is these stronger ones that make it difficult for us to perform oral sex. Can guys also have odors? Of course. We're all sweaty, macho guys after all, but I would never let my partner give me head if I have the smallest inclination that I could possibly smell bad down there. Most guys are the same way. So in essence, what we are asking for is that you do for us what we would do for you. I don't think this insight makes women feel more insecure at all. I am not promoting unhealthy hygiene habits either. On the contrary, I think that NOT knowing what your partner is thinking or thinking the WRONG thing makes a woman more insecure.

    Finally, no one is saying the vagina is gross. On the contrary, if the guy is willing to put his mouth on it, he obviously knows what all the smart guys know- it's the best thing on earth.

  5. L says:
    Tue, 3rd Aug 20101:32 pm 

    Ummmm David, if her "liquid" resembles "sperm" (which I'm assuming you mean semen), as in an opaque whitish color than the chicks you're going down on probably have some sort of an infection. Also, that "liquid" shouldn't smell much different than what her vagina smelled like pre-liquid.

  6. crichton05 says:
    Tue, 3rd Aug 20103:32 pm 

    Um… False L. The liquid coming out of a woman can be whitish color and not be an infection. Your semen isn't clear and neither is all of our liquid. Just saying. Every woman is different.

  7. Lina says:
    Tue, 3rd Aug 20104:18 pm 

    "If you washed it with soap the smell can even be good, but the taste will be disgusting,"

    What do you expect us to use? Dirt?

  8. L says:
    Wed, 4th Aug 20105:55 am 

    @crichton05- I said OPAQUE white. A woman's discharge can have a whitish tint to it, but it shouldn't be an opaque white (which suggests a yeast infection).

    And who actually uses soap on their vagina? For many women that would cause irritation. Just use water in the shower and you should be fine.

  9. Chrissy says:
    Wed, 4th Aug 201010:06 am 

    wow people getting all crazy up in here! lol, I think the operative word Cesar used was "unpleasant." We all know we stink/smell, all of us. I've found that girls seem to be more sensitive to their own smell, but then again we also know we're getting to the end of "shower spectrum" (loved that), so maybe it's a mental thing

    And i use soap (Tone, so it's not REAL soap – antibacterials will cause the yeasties though), but some of us are just hygiene-crazy.

  10. Cesar says:
    Wed, 4th Aug 20101:12 pm 

    Crazy for real. Thanks for backing me up, Chrissy,lol. It's good to hear from both sides though. It's easy to see that both genders have some misconceptions about our bodies, so it's good to have these convos.

    Funny how we're focusing on the hygiene topic and nothing about technique or reciprocity…

  11. James says:
    Wed, 4th Aug 201010:44 pm 

    Yes, Cesar, good point. Hygiene is at the top of my mind when I go down there and also when a woman goes down on me. Technique was missed a bit in posts I think due to the article focusing on men’s and women’s thoughts about actually doing the act. Reciprocity? This last one is difficult, as you might be only doing it so she will return the favour. I’m not sure if a woman would suck a guy so he will in turn lick her. For me, it’s about giving. Occasionally I will be turned on enough to want to do it to her, but mostly it is giving… I often feel obligated to return the favour myself, actually.

    Going back over the article, it says oral is more personal than sex and I agree with that. Oral on a woman is not usually something I do unless I’ve been with her a while. For some reason it’s different with girls… usually the first or second time they give head.

    But keeping in spirit with the article, it’s about what is inside us men’s heads… so I was a bit alarmed that girls talk to the their girlfriends about ‘how big it is and can he use it and whether he’s into oral and if he is good at it’ (Gabrielle Union) after the girl goes with you for the first time. The oral part I have a problem with; you can be into oral, especially if the girl is um, well-groomed, but not do it the first time.

    For me, giving head to a girl is a very intimate, personal thing and I’m a bit shy… my most daring liaison was a backpacker girl at a hostel. I was in the kitchen cooking cheap food from the supermarket. We were both about 20. She didn’t come across as ‘easy’(she was English) but we hit it off and I guess I caught her at the right time of the month, but she grabbed my hand, took me to the elevator and pressed the R button, for the roof. Before we had sex with a condom, I licked her. I’m not sure to this day whether it was to impress her or that I just liked her already, but she was surprised and delighted and I was surprised myself. Not long after sex (I was so driven I couldn’t think rationally during the whole episode!) I became embarrassed that I did it the first time. I was so shy I avoided her and we never had it again… it was my last night at the hostel, but I didn’t go back there. I’ve always kicked myself for that. So oral on a woman for me, is very personal.

  12. Alice M. says:
    Sat, 7th Aug 20101:07 pm 

    I have many guy friends and they've admitted to me that even though bad odor is a turn-off they have CONTINUED to perform oral on the girl despite this. They just suck it up (pun intended) and do it. Why? Because they want sex and oral usually leads to sex.

    Also, I know this sounds gross but some guys actually get turned on by a little bit of "huskiness". They don't want a woman to smell like soapy goodness cleanliness. They want her to smell more "natural" if you know what I mean. And actually ask their woman to not bathe so soon before sex. But I think this type of man is in the minority, though I'm not sure.

    TIP: If a man is easily grossed out he should PLAN AHEAD and schedule the sex session so she could get herself ready. After just a few hours of showering the vag will naturally start to smell less and less soapy clean. Unless you are a blow up doll. (And this will give a guy the chance to get himself ready as well).

    TIP: Which brings me to say that nothing is grosser than when a man pulls his pants down and it's so much like the 1970's that even a disco ball appears down from the ceiling. Men sometimes let their man carpeting get out of control and it's such a huge turn-off for most women. Guys, please atleast trim down there! The ideal, though, would be to go to a salon or spa that specializes in men. The worst is when they're so hairy that their landscaping not only covers the cheecks on their backsides but also peeps out through the crack! *Shudders*

  13. Deb says:
    Tue, 17th Aug 20105:20 pm 

    Come on…women can smell themselves and at odd times each other. I actually want to bang on stall walls in public bathrooms and ask some women "what were you thinking, going out in public with that?" We know what we smell like and taste like. AND, if the basic hygiene is done, when we are turned on the smell and taste is fresh and certainly benign. Its actually men who make us "smelly" when they don't use condoms. Barring any infection, Where do you ppl think that smell is coming from? And another thing……mannnnnnnn, I will not put a penis in MY mouth that smells bad. No matter how much you press down on my head.

  14. Chris says:
    Wed, 18th Aug 20103:50 am 

    Thank god i'm gay!

  15. A.G. says:
    Wed, 18th Aug 20105:27 am 

    two guys gave me oral- that's all i've tried sexually at 23 years old. But the third guy i was dating wouldn't because he didn't like the way my Vagina lubrication smelled. I was really offended by it. Turns out he wasn't the guy for me. He always made off handed remarks.

  16. A.G. says:
    Wed, 18th Aug 20105:31 am 

    p.s. i can washing with soap but if i get "excited" the lubrication smell comes back. but don't worry, I am not planning to do anything below the belt until marriage. because dating is to find your ideal mate to marry, not to screw. so if you screw every person you date then you will end up with numerous partners.

  17. henry says:
    Thu, 19th Aug 20101:42 am 

    As I am B.Sc second year and I have to hard working for my school and I don't have parent. I support myself and sometimes I am very bored for this life. If someone wants me to support, I will be very happy. I will really happy.

  18. Speedy pixie says:
    Sat, 21st Aug 20105:26 pm 

    Boy, this is awkward am i screwed because im a freak who doesnt see stuffing her mouth with someone else's schlong as appetizing??

  19. Clive says:
    Mon, 23rd Aug 201010:31 am 

    "Oral on a woman is not usually something I do unless I’ve been with her a while. For some reason it’s different with girls… usually the first or second time they give head."

    What a horrible commment, and what a destructive article for making women feel inadequate. Making them hate their vaginas, which are a beautiful part of their bodies. Very anti-women.

    Americans..as a foreigner from a country with a lot less sexuals hang ups as this one, men do oral with pleasure and are not obsessed with natural smells. Now I understand why American men are so obsessed with lezbians, they don't want to give women oral sez! I think you guys who think like that are not really into women! A man who is really turned on will not mind some smell! I am not talking about a woman who hasn't showered in 5 days, but if she hasn't showered in one day and has a bit of smell it is actually a turn on for real men!

    You guys need to go to Europe and South America: fast.

  20. Clive says:
    Mon, 23rd Aug 201010:34 am 

    So James, did you know the vagina is self cleaning and has less germs than a mouth? I bet you don't wait "until you know her better" to kiss her on the mouth..And Cesar…maybe you are not that into women after all..or watching too much P@rn.

  21. xXShineXx says:
    Tue, 24th Aug 20106:26 pm 

    Good points made Clive..all it takes is one ignorant man to make a snide comment like that to knock a woman's confidence, where she will not want to undertake any more activities regarding oral sex. It brings about a lot of trust issues and inhibitions after that…haha and yet they wonder why their women wont be more adventurous in bed!!

  22. saad says:
    Tue, 24th Aug 20107:16 pm 

    i think it may be good

  23. Anonymous says:
    Tue, 24th Aug 20108:13 pm 

    @ Clive, what country are you from, if you don't mind my asking? I definitely need to find some men that are more like you.

    And I also want to point out, especially to James, that it's really ridiculous for you to expect a woman to go down on you if you're not willing to do the same. If anything, you should go down on her more often than she goes down on you since most women don't get off through intercourse alone. With men a blow job is more of a bonus, whereas going down on a woman can make all the difference in whether she has an orgasm or not.

  24. marie says:
    Tue, 24th Aug 20108:29 pm 

    the article itself doesn't say anything anti-women. the interpretation of it, however, is astonishing to me on both fronts.

    dudes: pull your heads out of your rectums. everyone has a unique smell. if you ever plan to get your face into a woman's panties, you should begin to associate the smell of arousal as something GOOD. vaginas do not smell like flowers. nor does your breath or your penis for that matter.

    ladies: it just so happens that, biologically, vaginas are moist, dark, and hidden and therefore a breeding ground (no pun intended) for bacteria. this makes a smell, much like one's arm pits. this isn't in itself a bad thing: that's the body cleaning itself. men do not have this issue, as the penis is typically not dark or damp or hidden. thus, they are frequently misinformed. the act and need of cleaning one's private area is a little more unique to woman-kind, and it's not sexist or bigoted for someone to casually mention that women need to clean themselves down there. men with foreskins also frequently need to clean themselves because the ridge of the foreskin is, again, dark moist and hidden and leading to the presence of smegma, which is icky.

    james needs to wear a sign on his neck that says "BEWARE: I'M A SEXIST OCD CLOSET CASE. DO NOT DATE."

  25. Rob says:
    Wed, 25th Aug 201012:29 pm 

    Due to a medical issue requiring specific drugs I am unable to enjoy typical sex, ergo I find myself in the position of being the one to offer pleasure without seeking pleasure in return. Oral sex is the perfect way for me to make sure my partners are satisfied and pleasured and being a gentleman in hus mid fifties I also know a few things about making sure it is pleasurable for everyone involved. The offer of a relaxing hot bath and massage before hand is almost always accepted. What woman does not love the idea of being washed and pampered? Knowing what food to have for dinner and how they effect the body is also important, all it takes is a bit of knowledge and planning, acceptance of human differences and believe me you will be the light in your lovers eyes every time.

  26. Blanquita says:
    Wed, 25th Aug 20106:01 pm 

    Isn't sex about being getting nasty and dirty together? If you can't take a little unpleasent smell, or taste, than how fun is the sex than? I have to agree with Clive. I think some American men expect roses and candy down there, with all the landscaping done….and that is just not realistic at all….especially if your private area looks like the damn Amazon.

  27. kellyb says:
    Sat, 28th Aug 20108:44 pm 

    I wish I didn't look at this. Now I'm all depressed. I have no one to give to/receive from. Not until I move out of the shitty redneck state they call Mississippi.

    I'm 18, people call me beautiful, and I'm lonely and deprived. The only thing more valueless than my body is my overly kind, selfless, disgusting heart. So it seems.

  28. tania says:
    Sun, 29th Aug 20104:41 pm 

    It's quite obvious that there are a lot of different perspectives out there about this. I would just like to say that a part of sex is about sacrifice. It is about giving as well as receiving. Some women are naturally hairy, some women have a stronger scent that NO amount of hygiene will completely eradicate. Guys shouldn't expect perfection any more than women should. Let's face it, hairyness isn't exactly a turnon for most women, but we all deal. As a gender we don't expect men to shave/wax hardly at all. So why should women have to be so perfect? We already are culturally expected to shave/wax/pluck WAAAYYYY more than men are. The scent thing is something that is very hard to fix as it is normal and a result of our bodies cleaning themselves. Douching is unhealthy and can lead to UTI's and yeast infections, and in fact, using certain soaps externally will make the smell WORSE in the long run. Why? Because the pH level of our secretions are thrown off by the acidity of the soap. One last point….do you guys really delude yourselves into thinking your semen tastes amazing? It doesn't and neither do we. Soooo main point: if you don't want to give oral, then don't expect any favors in return.

  29. Eddie says:
    Mon, 30th Aug 20106:01 am 

    Regarding smell. The only smell that gets me hot on

    is the smell of keyboards and LCD monitors.

  30. Allie says:
    Tue, 31st Aug 20103:26 am 

    From what I've seen, heard, and experienced, guys who love women love their pussies–the way they look, feel, taste, and smell. When a woman is aroused and lubricated, she smells better than anything in the whole world. After 8 years of marriage, my wife believes me but still can't help thinking of the guys who made faces when they slid down south.

  31. JimE says:
    Tue, 31st Aug 20105:29 am 

    Wow this is a great conversation so let me put my 2cents in, i love women, and theres nothing better than getting a woman excited and when shes excited her natural juices start to flow so when i go down it does not matter what she smells like i love it, making her cum a few times is the goal, so like someone said suck it up and please your woman or the woman you are with, because theres nothing better than a woman bragging on your love making.

  32. Lauren says:
    Thu, 23rd Sep 20109:22 am 

    I think this article (and followup comments) are fascinating. I didn't feel inadequate or hurt afterwards; I enjoyed reading everyone's opinions. Why are we trying to tell these guys what to say? It's their opinion. We bitch about not understanding or knowing what the opposite sex is thinking/saying/feeling, and how they never share what they're thinking/saying/feeling. WELL hello! Look at the attacks going on here! I'd be afraid to talk, too.

    Everyone has a unique smell; this goes for guys and girls. Sex is about sacrifice.

  33. korea says:
    Mon, 27th Sep 20102:12 am 

    I love korea and everything about korea! thanks for thiis great sharing.

  34. Diyet says:
    Mon, 27th Sep 201011:10 am 

    I was searching about this issue everywhere,I was really curious about this…Really big thanks.I am thinking to buy some beauty products from my local place.I always looking for your new article.Farewell, Richard

  35. Schedule says:
    Sat, 30th Oct 20103:43 am 

    Maybe you should make changes to the post subject title Inside His Head: Traveling South : College Candy to something more better for your blog post you write. I liked the the writing nevertheless.

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