It’s A New Day, And Jennifer Aniston is On Another Tabloid

By Brittany

Another day, another dollar.

But I say; another day, another US Weekly Cover of Jennifer Aniston walking around in khakis, a white tee and aviators.  I’m serious, this woman is still plastered everywhere on the glossy pages of gossip magazines.  Didn’t she and Brad Pitt cut the ties half a decade ago?  Exactly what is the appeal keeping her around?  Because if you tell me it’s because of the infamous ‘Aniston Cut,’ I was over that when the Friends finale aired, in 2004.

She’s a single woman sans children.  And the press are still featuring her cover after cover for this “news coverage.”  However, Aniston seems to be supporting the single and childless wrath by staring in new movie called ‘The Switch’ where a single 40-year-old woman [Aniston] seeks a sperm donor to get pregnant.  This movie is only supporting and encouraging her life as a single woman without children. Is this real life?

Dear Jen: Don’t do this to yourself.

However, this only means bigger and better possible headlines for Aniston in the future.  If she’s encouraging ‘Aniston Stars in Movie About Single Woman Scrounging for Sperm Donor’ why can’t we have a little fun?  The current headlines, which barely span past ‘Pitt Wants Aniston Back‘ or ‘Aniston & Jolie: It’s War‘ are getting a little stuffy don’t you think?   Let’s take a guess at the top headlines for Aniston’s wholesome future in tabloids.

‘Jen Storms Into Jolie-Pitt Palace & Kidnaps Pax, Jolie Doesn’t Notice for Weeks’

Since Aniston’s plan to steal Brad Pitt from Jolie is clearly not working; she needs to take matters to another level. By holding Pax hostage.

‘Jennifer Aniston Adopts An Entire Country, Heart Still Yearns for Brad Pitt’

Since Aniston hits headlines craving a child by Brad Pitt more than I crave a Smart Water Gatorade after a struggle fest on the elliptical, this is bound to be the next step in her search for motherhood.

‘Aniston Hasn’t Worn Khakis In Weeks, In Ploy to Look More Like Jolie’

In an apparently constant struggle to look more like the slutty tantalizing Jolie, Aniston tosses her khaki pants and leather belt for an all black wardrobe. Say it isn’t so! Did I feel the planet just tilt a little?

‘Aniston Won’t Stop Sexting Jon Voight’

Well, if stealing from the Pitt-Jolie litter ain’t workin, and homegirl misses her khakis, girls gotta do what a girls gotta do.

‘John Mayer Claims Jennifer Aniston Used Him to Call Brad During Sex’

This is low, real low.  Aniston probably pulled Mayers elastic thong swimsuit back and snapped it in the phone speakers so Pitt could hear. “Here that Brad?! That’s the sound of lust and passion!”